The Education of Asgardians
by Fairyfinder
Summary: Have you ever wanted to see what would happen if the Avengers tried to teach Thor and Loki about normal earth stuff? Biking, microwaves, food, culture, and more! Watch as the brothers stumble along as they learn about these things. Just a bunch of random one shots. Enjoy!
1. Biking

**A/N: Alright! Welcome to The Education of Asgardians. I hope to have lots of fun stories about Thor and Loki learning how to use human stuff. It's just a bunch of one shots so don't expect any plotline. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Avengers or Marvel.**

The Avengers were all assembled except for Thor. The present members were having a hushed discussion that was meant to be a secret. They wanted to confirm their idea and build some sort of structure for it before they presented it to their Asgardian friend and his brother.

"I can't do it!" Tony whispered harshly, "I wouldn't know how to get through to him!"

"The great Tony Stark not knowing how to do something? I hope someone got that on tape." Natasha said sarcastically.

"It's fine, I can do it." Bruce suggested casually.

"No!" The others all said at once.

"We, ah, we wouldn't want you getting frustrated." Clint explained to the doctor.

Bruce rolled his eyes. "I won't get that frustrated by it, really it's simple and I have the Other Guy under control."

"Sorry Banner, not risking it," Tony snapped, "And I'm not going to do it either."

"Someone has to!" Steve declared, "We can't let things go on as it is. Remember what happened yesterday?" Everyone shuddered at the memory.

"Okay, what if we draw straws?" Clint spoke up, "Then it's fair."

"My friends!" A familiar thunder-y voice boomed, "What are we discussing?"

"Thor!" All of the other Avengers yelped, jumping up in surprise. Tony tried to act calm and collected as he asked, "How long were you standing there, Point Break?"

"But a moment, why? Is there something you are discussing that you would wish to remain private?" Thor narrowed his eyes at them and summoned Mjolnir from where he left it, carefully inspecting the runes, "I thought we decided not to keep secrets from one another."

"No Thor," Steve sighed, "It's not really a secret…" The captain hesitated, unsure of how to tell his friend what they were talking about without offending either him or Loki. It was a tricky situation to get a grasp on. One did not want to tick off an Asgardian.

"Then what?"

Natasha stepped in. "Thor, we can't let you and Loki take the subway anymore. It's freaking people out."

Thor scowled. "Then, if you do not wish me to fly and you do not wish me to take the subway - as both of these things 'freak people out' - how do you expect me to go about the city?"

Loki entered the room, snacking on a bag of pretzels. He stopped his munching when he saw the Avengers all gathered and looking serious. The mischief maker held up his hands innocently. "Whatever you are discussing, I didn't do it and I have proof!" Pretzel crumbs sprayed from his mouth in a way that did not become the usually refined Asgardian.

"Shut up, Reindeer Games," Tony quipped, "We were just talking about how you and your big blonde brother cannot take the subway anymore. Not since yesterday when you two destroyed a whole train car."

Loki swallowed his snack. "Oh that," He considered it for a moment, "It was mostly Thor's fault anyway. When young Midgardian ladies see him they go a bit insane. The oaf was only trying to defend himself. As for me…"

"_You_ were making things worse by making it look like snakes were seeping into the car!" Steve said, pointing his finger angrily at Loki, "I don't know why you feel like you need to do things like that with your magic when you could…"

"What? Be a hero like yourself? Are you trying to tell me that with great power comes…"

"Just let us finish!" Natasha demanded, "You two cannot take the subway anymore and that is final. If either of you is caught on the subway or flying," She looked pointedly at Thor, "I will personally call Fury and get both of you thrown out of the tower on your big Asgardian behinds!"

Thor bowed his head respectfully and had every intention of following these orders. Well, he might fly every once in a while, but he silently vowed he would no longer take the subway. Except on special occasions.

Loki snorted and sprawled on the couch in the room. He continued to eat his pretzels. "Yes, _Mother_. I have _every _intention of doing _exactly_ as you say."

"Might I ask, my friends, how you intend for us to get around?" Thor inquired, "You've already informed us that the bus is forbidden as well as taxis. That leaves us with little other option than to learn how to drive ourselves."

"No!" Everyone, including Loki, shouted at the blonde man. No one wanted an Asgardian car crash or road rage. The thought was too scary to comprehend.

"There is another option," Bruce announced, "Biking."

The brothers glanced at each other and then looked back to the other Avengers in confusion. Thor furrowed his brow. What was this "biking"? It sounded dangerous.

"What is that?"

"For once I am as clueless as Thor. What are you talking about?" Loki asked from his position on the couch.

"You guys seriously have no idea what biking is?" Tony asked incredulously.

"None whatsoever, Man of Iron." Thor announced.

Because of this declaration of ignorance the other Avengers immediately decided on a way to teach the Asgardians how to ride bikes. However, it turned out that none of the Avengers had bikes with them. Tony, being as rich as he was, ordered JARVIS to find two bikes - one for each of the students. The artificial intelligence purchased to bikes and announced to the team and Loki that the vehicles were ready for pick up at a shop down the street.

Clint went to pick up the bikes and Natasha ran around the tower trying to find sufficient padding for first time bikers. Loki and Thor watched as she grabbed arm and knee pads from the gym, wondering what they had gotten themselves into. Surely something that required wearing armor just to get from place to place was not worth their time.

"Alright boys, put these on your elbows and knees in case you fall or crash." She instructed.

"Is it likely that we will do one of these things?" Thor asked, slipping the padding over his armor.

"Eh…" Tony shrugged, "I'm guessing that you will, big guy, but Loki might get it without a major injury."

"I do not understand the function of such soft armor." Loki grunted.

"Would you rather fall in the clothes you have on now?" Natasha asked.

"I suppose not, but…"

"Hush. Now, we'll need to find you helmets too. That's the most important part."

Loki made his helmet magically appear on his head - antlers and all. He smiled smugly and looked to Thor. After a wiggle of Loki's fingers, the god of thunder was wearing a pink helmet that somewhat resembled a unicorn.

"Brother!" Thor exclaimed, "This is not the helm I wish to wear! I have my own."

"Yes, but this one is so much more becoming on you." Loki snickered.

"Stop acting like toddlers!" Steve snapped, handing Thor his metal winged helmet, "Clint should be back any minute with the bikes."

"I'll stop acting like an infant when he does!" Thor announced, shoving his brother slightly.

"Hey! Don't push me!"

"What are you to do about it? Am I not bigger than you?"

"Ah, but I am far superior in the brains department."

"Are you insulting my mental capabilities, Loki?"

"You would have to ask to know if you were being insulted, wouldn't you?"

"He is calling me stupid!" Thor whined.

"Well _he _shoved me!" Loki complained.

"You deserved it!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Silence!" Natasha shouted over the feuding brothers, "Or I'm calling this whole thing off and you two will have to walk everywhere in the city."

The Asgardians were silent, but they both continued to elbow each other in the gut - letting out the occasional grunt.

After both of the students had their proper protective gear on they all went downstairs and found Clint with the bikes. One of the bikes was bright red and the other was pink. Before anyone said a word Thor gripped the red one's handlebar tightly.

"This one is mine!"

Loki rolled his eyes. "No matter, I did not approve of the design of either contraption." He wiggled his fingers once more and the pink bike changed to a sleek green with golden colored tires. The handlebar changed dramatically and now resembled Loki's helmet. Thor grunted, slightly impressed.

"Now we can finally get started!" Tony sighed, "To the park!"

All of the Avengers and Loki rolled the bikes away from the tower and toward Central Park. It was time to begin their bike riding lessons.

The first Avenger to attempt and teach Asgardians to ride a bike was Steve. Everyone figured he could keep calm about the situation and be helpful at the same time.

"Okay," Steve swung his hands back and forth, "Have you ever seen anyone ride a bike before?"

"Perhaps…" Thor said.

"Probably, I just do not recall how the action is performed." Loki sniffed arogantly.

"Well, first you need to sit on the bike like this," Steve took Thor's bike and sat in the correct riding position, "Then you need to put your feet on the pedals and push off. The tricky part is finding your balance and steering, but once you've got that down then… well that's about it." After a brief demonstration the captain got off the bike and Thor sat down on it. The Asgardian lifted one foot onto the pedal and then the other. He pushed off and went forward a few feet.

"Good job, Thor!" The other Avengers cheered, right before the bike drastically swerved to the left and deposited Thor on the pavement.

"I now understand why we need the soft armor." Thor groaned, getting up.

"Uh, here…" Steve helped his friend up and picked up the bike, "I'll hold onto the bike until you get going this time, okay?"

Thor nodded, determined to try again, and got onto the bike. Steve held the back of the bike seat and helped push Thor along. The thunderer made it a full ten feet before Steve let go and Thor went into a bush. Loki laughed as if it was the most hilarious thing in the world and then climbed onto his own bike.

"Good show, Thor, but I believe the captain meant for you to something a bit more like this." He sat on the bike and began pedaling. His robe instantly got caught in the gears, ripped, and caused the bike to halt, sending the trickster to the ground in an undignified heap, "Perhaps, not quite like that…"

After ten more attempts by both brothers with no success Tony got tired. He stepped forward and pushed Captain America out of the way.

"Enough of that. Let me show them how it's done so we can go get shawarma," He made Thor get onto his bike, "Your problem is, you aren't doing it right."

"Oh, how does he do it?" Loki asked sarcastically.

"Now, to do it right you need to focus on a spot in the horizon and then pedal toward that. When you want to turn move the handlebar. Easy." He stepped back and gave Thor a shove.

"Haha! I am doing it!" Thor announced as he pedaled, "I simply focus on that tree and I can balance! Oh, oh dear… how does one _stop_ biking?!" Before aid could come he pedaled straight into the tree.

Several minutes later Tony gave up and passed the teaching baton to Clint. The archer demonstrated and gave advice, and showed them how to use the brakes, but nothing worked. When Loki pedaled straight into the pond Hawkeye gave up.

"Lady Natasha, would you please teach us?" Thor asked, "I know that you are a fine teacher."

Loki nodded. "None of these buffoons have enough brains to teach a dog to sit."

Natasha rolled her eyes and pointed at the bikes. "You just sit and pedal, you'll do fine."

"The problem is that sitting, pedaling, balancing, and steering are difficult to do all at once." Thor explained, "One action alone I could accomplish with ease."

"Well, you've got a problem then," Natasha declared, turning around and heading back to the tower, "Have fun landing on your behind."

With no other option left, most of the Avengers went home. Thor and Loki stayed behind and continued to try and learn to ride a bicycle. They encourage one another… sort of.

"No you idiot! Don't steer like that!" Loki called.

"You are certainly one to talk, brother, after you steered into that child!"

"No matter how many times you bring it up I will _not_ apologize. Now, keep your head up!"

"I've discovered that keeping your elbows up helps with balance!" Thor announced.

"Really? Let me try," Loki tried, "It's true! I stayed up for an extra second."

"Perhaps if we stuck out our knees as we pedal it will provide additional balance." The blonde suggested. They both stuck out their knees, looking rather like frogs, and crashed into one another.

"Ow!"

"Thor, I don't believe we shall ever learn to do this. We should just give up now and find some other mode of transport."

Thor looked at Loki incredulously. "Nay! An Asgardian never gives up!"

"Well I am Jotun and I simply think this is too hard!"

They argued to five more minutes about what to do and then Bruce Banner came strolling down the path, whistling a tune.

"Oh, hey, still no luck, huh?"

"Friend Bruce," Thor greeted, "We are having no luck in this enterprise, nay."

"Can I try to teach you? You know, if you aren't giving up."

Loki looked at Thor and Thor looked at Loki. They rose from the ground and picked up their bikes. Both had many bruises, so this was a difficult process.

"Well, you couldn't exactly make it worse." Loki sighed.

Later that night, Tony was in the lobby of Avenger's Tower, chatting with the doorman about some security protocols when he heard a whoop from outside. He glanced out the glass door and saw a flash of red and then a flash of green. Both colors whizzed by again and then Bruce walked casually into the lobby.

"Hey," He nodded.

Tony stared out the door. "Was that?"

"Thor and Loki? Yeah, they just needed the right teacher I guess." Bruce shrugged.

"How? But, I , we, they couldn't…" Tony stuttered.

"Good night," Bruce smiled and went over to the elevator, "Tell them to come in when it gets too dark."

After the doctor went back to the penthouse Thor and Loki pulled up to where Tony Stark was watching them in awe. Loki looked smug and Thor looked proud.

"Why hello!" Loki crowed, "You wouldn't happen to know of anyone in need of a biking lesson, would you? For we have just mastered the art."

"Alright, how did you really do it? Steroids? Robotically engineered bikes? Are you actually not Thor and Loki?"

"I assure you, Man of Iron, it is us and we learned through Dr. Banner's encouragement." Thor smiled.

"Wow."

"Also, he told us that if we could learn to ride our bicycles then he would buy me a box of poptarts and get Loki a book listing human pranks."

"Ah! Motivation. I didn't think of that. Well done Point Break. You too Reindeer Games." Tony congratulated them, walking with them to the elevator. The Asgardians accepted the praise and eagerly awaited their prizes from Bruce Banner. It had been quite a day and they were both looking forward to a little relaxation. They had learned to bike.

**A/N: Well, I hope you had fun with that. I know it wasn't my best writing, but I had fun. I'm not sure what the next one shot should be, but if you have suggestions I'm open to them! :) Please leave a review telling me what you thought! Later gators!**


	2. Microwave

**A/N: This idea was recommended by DragonGirl223. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, you guys are the best! I'm hoping to update this story weekly. Probably every Tuesday if I can. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this! :) **

Captain America, who was also known as Steve Rogers, was enjoying some free time by reading a book that Bruce Banner had recommended. In all honesty, the book was too complicated for the poor captain to understand much of it, but he made an effort. While he was relaxing in the penthouse level of Avengers Tower and reading he heard a cry of dismay from the kitchen. It sounded so mournful that Steve abandoned his book - somewhat gratefully - to seek out the distressed person and come to their aid.

When he got to the kitchen he found Thor and Loki staring at a spot on the counter. Thor looked close to tears and Loki looked annoyed. Steve got closer and noticed that they were staring at the smoldering remains of the toaster. Curious as to how that had happened, Captain America placed a hand on Thor's shoulder.

"What's going on?"

"Friend Steve," Thor sighed, "I am afraid we are in dire times as of now. The toasting device has ceased working thanks to my brother's tricks."

Loki shrugged. "I was simply trying to warm my waffles, how was I to know the toaster would burst into flame and break?"

"Loki! One should treat the toaster with care and not stuff it full with ten waffles! The Man of Iron says that it is a two slot toaster and only two things may cook at once." Thor complained.

"Stark still hasn't bought a bigger toaster? You would think that with all the poptarts that get eaten in this tower he would have gotten a bigger one." Steve commented.

"Now we do not even possess a small toaster and I see no other way to cook my poptarts and strudels of the toaster!" Thor lamented, picking woefully at the remains of the cooking device.

Steve scratched his head. "Well, there might be another way. I'm not so great at it, but we could try and use the microwave."

"What in the nine realms is that?" Loki sneered.

"That box over there that cooks the popcorn. I think I saw Clint put a poptart in their once." Steve answered, approaching the microwave and pressing buttons. He continued to press the buttons until he finally succeeded in opening it. A bright light glowed from within the cooker and all three men's eye's widened. The innards of this cooking device shimmered and glowed with potential.

Thor quickly picked up the poptart package he'd left on the counter and threw it in the microwave. Loki hesitantly placed some frozen waffles in as well. For good measure Steve threw in a package of popcorn. When they had all put in their snacks they closed the microwave door and Steve selected five minutes for the timer. He hit the start button and all three took a step back and watched their food rotate within the microwave.

"Do you think five minutes was too short of a time?"

"Nay, Steve, it seems to be a perfect amount of time." Thor encouraged.

"A relict such as yourself will probably end up making some horrific mess of this." Loki commented. Then they were silent and watched the food some more. As they were sitting there quietly Natasha came into the kitchen and glanced curiously at the Asgardians and Captain America.

"What are you doing?"

"Cooking, Lady Natasha." Thor informed her politely.

"You three? Working the microwave?" She smirked, "This is going to be interesting." The super spy pulled up a stool to the breakfast bar and watched with an amused expression on her face. When five minutes had passed the microwave dinged cheerily. Thor raced to push the button that would open the device. When the door swung open Thor immediately took a step back in horror. Loki, being the mischief maker that he was, peeked over his brother's shoulder and laughed at the sight before him. Steve shoved his way through the Asgardians and gasped at the sight he saw in the microwave.

Where they expected to see perfectly cooked poptarts, waffles, and popcorn there sat a burning ball of fiery terror. The flames spread to the other parts of the microwave and began to engulf it. Captain America ran to the sink, pulled out the hose, and sprayed water at the burning mess. This only served to make the flames bigger.

"Oh well done, captain," Loki jeered, "You've done such a terrific job of heating our snacks."

Natasha had at first been laughing at the failure, but when the flames got bigger she dashed to the pantry and pulled out a fire extinguisher. She tossed it to Thor. "Quick! Put it out!"

Thor examined the red canister in his hand and pushed the only button on it. White foam streamed from the bottle - straight into Thor's face. This, of course, caused Loki to laugh even harder. Thor, in a fit of anger, turned the fire extinguisher on his brother. Soon both Asgardians were covered in white foam. Steve grabbed the extinguisher and finally managed to put of the flames. Then Loki viciously ripped the canister from his hands and sprayed it at Thor again. The brothers began pulling the fire extinguisher back and forth, attempting to spray each other with it.

"Stop it!" Steve ordered, resulting in a mouthful of foam.

"Why Thor, I believe you missed a spot!" Loki exclaimed, squirting Thor in the ear.

"Loki, allow me to assist you!" Thor grabbed the extinguisher back and then covered Loki's nose in foam.

"You oaf!"

"Fool!"

"Boys!" Natasha shouted, "Boys, stop it!" Loki grinned maliciously and sprayed the redhead in her face, "Alright! That's it!"

Loki and Thor froze in place. She sounded mad.

Tony Stark had been doing a little bit of TV watching when he decided that he was in the mood for popcorn. He got off the couch and headed for the kitchen. Once in the room, the billionaire slipped on some white foam on the floor and slid into the kitchen counter.

"What?" He asked, "Why is my kitchen covered in whip cream?" He licked the foam and made a face, "Okay, not whip cream. What is this?!"

"Fire extinguisher stuff," Natasha said, coming out of the pantry with a smug look on her face, "I hope you weren't planning on using the microwave, by the way." With that she left the kitchen and went to the gym.

Tony stared at the burnt pieces of his microwave and the broken toaster on the counter and then looked again at the white foam coating everything in the kitchen. "What happened here?"

Captain America, who was cowering in the corner, spoke up. "Do not get on her bad side. And don't try to teach Asgardians how to use the microwave."

"What do you mean by that?"

Steve pointed at the pantry and then ran out of the room. Tony carefully stepped over to his pantry and opened the door. Inside of the small closet Thor and Loki were both tied up with Fruit Roll Ups and had poptarts stuffed in their mouths as gags.

"Thor? Loki?" Tony laughed, "What the heck happened?"

"Mmff mmm hmm!" Thor mumbled.

"Mmm hm mmfff!" Loki agreed.

"Well, who am I to take you boys out of your time out?" Tony snickered, turning off the light and closing the door, "I guess now would be a good time to go shopping for a bigger toaster… and a new microwave."


	3. Redbox

**A/N: Wow! So many reviews! Thank you everyone! You are all so kind, I'm really glad you like it! Sorry I'm posting so late tonight, I've had a busy day. Anyway, I'm very grateful to everyone who read the story and even more grateful to those who favorited/followed/reviewed. Thanks so much! Enjoy this chapter, the idea was suggested by dawnieangel76. I got a couple of great ideas for chapters, but hers was the one I liked best. Soooo... that's what I did. I'll probably get to the other ideas very soon though, so keep 'em coming. :)**

It was movie night at Avengers Tower and everyone was much too busy to actually go through Stark's extensive movie collection to find something to worth watching. Natasha was working out in the gym with Steve and Clint. Tony and Bruce were busy creating a cure for one of the strains of colds going around. Thor and Loki were doing… well nothing except cleaning up the fire extinguisher foam in the kitchen from that afternoon's antics with the microwave.

"I do wish we could watch a film tonight." Thor sighed, wiping fire extinguisher foam from the top of the fridge.

"I too was hoping we could watch one of the human movies," Loki agreed, "I'd been informed there was a movie called _The Imitation Game_, Black Widow told me that it would be something I would enjoy."

"Friend Steve said I might like the movie called _Big Hero 6_ as it features two brothers and one of them becomes a superhero."

Loki rolled his eyes. "What happens to the other brother?"

"I am unsure at this time, but should we watch the film I will let you know."

"Thor, if we watch the movie then I too will know what becomes of the other brother, you will have no need to tell me."

"Oh. You are correct."

The continued to clean in silence for a moment or two. Then Thor heaved another sigh.

"What is it now, Thor?" Loki asked.

"I am simply wondering why we do not get a movie tonight."

"Everyone is too busy to retrieve a movie or even go through the movies in Stark's collection," Loki told his brother, "I doubt they would even have time to watch the film."

"But you and I wish to watch a film, and we have time to retrieve it." Thor prompted.

"So why don't you and your annoying inquiries leave me in peace and go search through the collection in the movie room?"

"Nay!" Thor made a face, "We have watched those films a hundred times over! Why do we not retrieve a disc from the red colored box?"

"We do not have sufficient funds to get one."

"That is not necessarily true."

Loki raised a black eyebrow curiously. "What do you mean, Thor?"

"You, my brother, might have been cut off from Asgard's treasury, but I am still the crown prince of our fair realm." Thor said smugly.

Loki contemplated whether he should take this opportunity to punch Thor for mocking him or if he should seriously consider what his ex-brother was saying. "But the Midgardians use different currency than us, surely."

"Tis true, however I also know where the Man of Iron keeps his card of credit," He waggled his eyebrows impressively, "If you are catching my drift."

"Indeed, I caught it," Loki mumbled, thinking, "But how did you gather this information?"

"I believe Stark thinks me a fool and did not expect me to recall the location." Thor commented.

"It is no surprise that he thinks you foolish, however that is not the point. Where might we find it?" Loki grinned gleefully, thinking of the mayhem he could cause with access to Tony Stark's money.

"Oh no, brother. Stark told me at the time that if I revealed the location to you then he would evict me from the premises. I shall gather the card and you will get our bicycles to provide transportation. Then we shall select a movie from the red colored box." Thor plotted.

Loki, somewhat grudgingly went to find their bikes and Thor set out to borrow Tony's credit card. When they met up again they put on their helmets and got on their bikes, setting out to the closest Redbox kiosk. The two Asgardians on bikes got some weird looks as they rode through the city, but they didn't seem to notice.

"I believe I have spotted a red box!" Thor exclaimed.

"Nay, oaf, that is a fire hydrant." Loki answered.

"How about that?"

"Are you blind? That is just a fat woman in a red dress!" As Loki shouted this to Thor, said woman heard him and struck out with her purse, knocking him to the ground.

"How rude!" She huffed, waddling away.

Loki groaned from the pavement, wishing he had thought to wear elbow and knee pads. "I am fit to be your king, mortal! You ought not do that!" He shouted after her retreating figure.

"Come along, Loki, I have finally spotted a red colored box." Thor helped his brother up and they pushed their bikes over to the kiosk. Tearing off the sunshield that covered the screen, Thor looked at the movies on display. When he spotted one that he wanted he grinned triumphantly, "_Big Hero 6_! It is available!" Before Loki could stop him, he pressed the button to select that movie. The reason Loki desired to stop Thor from "pressing" the button was because he knew that Thor never pressed buttons, he destroyed them.

"Thor, be careful, tis a fragile device!"

"Why isn't it working?!" Thor shouted angrily.

"No, don't hit it, try pressing it gently." Loki offered calmly.

This only made Thor hit it harder. "I am pressing it gently!" The screen cracked under the enormous amount of pressure he was applying and both of them gasped slightly, "Not a word." Thor warned. The brothers tried to hide their mistake, but the sun shield had been ripped off before and now nothing could hide their wrong doing. So they simply moved over to the second kiosk and acted as if the screen had been that way when they arrived.

This time Loki controlled the screen. He wanted to watch _The Imitation Game_, but Thor quickly objected, not wanting to watch an intellectual movie. After much arguing over what movies they wanted they finally decided to pick a movie that they thought the Avengers would like.

"I believe Stark would like the one called _The Judge._" Thor noted.

"Do you even know what it is about?"

"No, but I heard him speaking of it."

"That doesn't mean he _likes_ it. How about the movie called _Fury_? I think we both know who would like that one." Loki smirked, thinking of their eyepatched director.

"But Steve informed me that he dislikes war movies. He would like something simpler, such as _Into the Woods_."

"Dull, Natasha said she wanted to see _Lucy_, let's get that."

"But Banner wants to watch _The Theory of Everything_."

"Clint wants _Birdman_!"

A man passed by and heard them arguing. "Trying to figure out what to watch with the family, eh? I know one the whole family can enjoy."

The man made a suggestion and then left. Thor and Loki agreed that this would be the best course of action and selected the recommended film. Thor inserted Tony's credit card and then they waited. The machine whirred, but nothing came out. The brothers waited impatiently for some time with no results.

"Why does it not give us our film?" Thor asked through grit teeth.

"I do not know, Thor. Perhaps we must wait a little longer for the machine to release the disc." Loki said calmly, he wasn't particularly looking forward to watching their movie choice.

"Release? Has it captured it? By the power of Asgard, I command thee, box of red. Hand over mine DVD!"

"We got Blueray, Thor."

"Then hand over mine Blueray disc!"

"I don't think that will work…" Loki began to say. He was interrupted when the blonde before him raised Mjolnir and brought it down near where the discs came out. The machine wheezed in a non-functional sort of way and then the screen went crazy. Before either Asgardian could comprehend what was going on the machine began firing DVDs, video games, and Blueray discs at them at high speed.

"Get behind me brother, you are not armed!" Thor shoved Loki behind him and then began batting away flying disc containers with Mjolnir, "Have at thee!"

"Thor!" Loki called above the commotion.

"Hahaha! You fight with the wit of a bilgesnipe, machine of red color!" Thor laughed. However, as he laughed a particularly well aimed DVD came flying from the machine and hit him in the middle of his face.

"Thor!" Loki shouted once more.

"Not now, brother, I am defending our honor against this dangerous foe!"

"Our honor? Really Thor?"

"Take that!" Thor bellowed, smacking the machine once more. This time the device coughed smoke, but no more discs came out. Once the smoke cleared Thor stood triumphant over a mess of DVDs, video games, and Blueray discs, "I certainly handled that with the tenacity of, how Clint Barton says, a boss."

"Surely there are none so great as you in the battle against Redbox machines," Loki muttered, stooping to pick up a disc container, "I've found the one we ordered, let us leave from here before word of this little adventure reaches your avenging friends."

"For once I am in agreement with you." Thor said, wiping the sweat from his brow.

They put the disc in the basket of Thor's bike and then pedaled back to Avenger's Tower. When they arrived they called for their friends to see if any of them would like to watch the specially selected movie with them. The three who had been in the gym poked their heads out and looked at Thor curiously. The thunderer had a growing bruise where the DVD had hit him and they wondered what had happened. Tony and Bruce waltzed into the room, discussing things no one else understood and then stopped when they saw the Asgardians.

"What's this?" Bruce asked, taking the disc from Loki and examining it. He readjusted his glasses, "Oh, I've been wanting to see this one for a while!" He grinned and walking into the living room, where there was an enormous TV. He put the disc in and sat down on the couch with the remote.

Not knowing what else to do, the other Avengers followed suit. Once they were all seated Bruce played the movie and settled in comfortably. Thor waited eagerly through the trailers that came before the movie and then smiled broadly when the beginning credits began to play. Right off the bat Tony and Clint groaned in irritation.

"Oh come on, _you two_ got this movie?"

"A man informed us that it was an enjoyable film for the whole family!" Thor protested, "Now hush thy mouths and shut thy pie holes! I am watching this!"

Slightly stunned by his use of Midgardian phrases, the other Avengers stayed quiet through the whole movie. When it got to a certain song - for it was a musical - Tony groaned loudly.

"Ugh! I hate this song so much! They had it in the original and it was terrible!" He listened for a second, "Still bad… and - oh, hey they added some beat to it!" He listened some more, "Hey this is good!"

"Sssshhhh!" Thor hissed, but soon Tony was singing along.

"When I'm stuck with a day, that's grey, and loooonely! I just stick out my chin and grin and saaaaaaaaay! The sun will come out, tomorrow! So you gotta hang on till tomorrow!" He screeched happily.

Natasha threw a pillow with frightening accuracy and silenced the billionaire. "Shut up Stark, I hate this movie enough without you adding to it."

"Oh come on, Nat," Clint said sheepishly, "It isn't that bad!"

"It's awful." She pouted.

They watched silently for sometime and then, when the movie had ended Tony, Bruce, Clint, and Thor clapped loudly. Steve had a tear in his eye and even Loki was sniffling a little.

"That was beautiful," Clint said, "Such a happy family! They were all together… like we're all together! Okay, group hug you guys!"

Loki vanished at those words and Natasha looked as if she wanted to get lost as well. Tony turned down his comrade and then turned to Thor, hand outstretched.

"You, my big blonde friend, know how to pick a movie. How did you get it anyway?"

"Uh… the details of that particular venture are not important at this time." Thor said, blushing slightly.

"You know, in the original the little girl had bright red hair. That one was made back in the eighties." Bruce commented.

"Red hair? Such as the hair of Lady Natasha?" Thor asked, peering at Black Widow.

"Hey, you're right!" Tony stared at the female member of the team for a moment as well, "Hey, Red, were you an orphan?"

"Oh shut up." She rolled off of the couch and mumbled something about "stupid musicals" and "red hair stereotyping" and then walked out of the room.

"Well, I'm certainly glad that you picked out that movie tonight," Bruce smiled and patted Thor on the shoulder, "I've always like _Annie_."

"You are most welcome, Friend Bruce. However, I do not believe it would be wise for me to use the red colored box again. I fear it may hold a grudge against me." With that vague statement Thor smiled to each of his friends and then went to bed. Scratching their heads, the others soon went to their own rooms and to sleep.


	4. Just Dance 4

**A/N: Hi everyone! It's Tuesday, so that means Asgardian antics! Before we get started there are a few things you need to know. 1. My readers are the most amazing people ever. Thank you! I love your suggestions and I've actually started writing a few of them. Bare with me, I've never been a schedule-kinda-gal before so this is really weird. 2. This chapter is about video games. I am not a big gamer, but I've done my best. I've only ever played Wii and the Just Dance I know best is four, so that's whatcha get. If you have never played any of the songs below on Just Dance I recommend that you look the actual video game footage up to see what's going on here. It will help the story make more sense. 3. Thanks again for reading!**

Tony Stark owned a humongous television set. The screen spanned the length of one wall and the opposite wall was covered by a large, cushy couch. The Avengers would often watch movies on the huge TV, but recently Clint had gotten into a video game craze. He went to the second hand video store, purchased a large box of anything that was compatible with his console, and brought it home.

Steve looked at the box curiously. He picked up a video game box and wrinkled his brow in confusion. The cover depicted computer animated soldiers following a man in red, white, and blue into battle.

"What's this?" He asked.

"Hmm? Oh, you like that Cap?" Clint smirked, "I've heard that it's a pretty lame game, but I thought you might wanna see it."

"Is it a movie?"

"Nah! It's a video game. I'll put it in the Wii and we get to control the characters."

"Oh," Steve had no idea what he was talking about, but simply put the video game back into the large box, "Where'd you get all of these?"

"There's a shop a few blocks away that buys and sells used video games. I figured I'd pick up a few for us to try out. You oughta see Tony play Mario Kart, he's a boss."

"I'm sure." Steve rolled his eyes and left the other man to his video games, favoring a good book over the computer world.

Tony rushed into the room wearing a grubby T-shirt and pajama pants. His dark hair was a mess and seemed to have a few pieces of link sticking to it. He groggily stumbled in as fast as he could.

"Did I hear someone mention Mario Kart?" He asked, gripping Hawkeye by his shoulders and shaking him slightly, "You have to let me play!"

"Err, sure Stark," Clint made the mistake of breathing in. He immediately gagged, "But I think you should brush your teeth first. And when was the last time you bathed?"

"Only yesterday, why?"

"You stink. Are you sure it was only yesterday?"

"What's today?"

"Tuesday…"

"Oh, it's been a week in that case."

"What have you been doing?"

"Upgrades. Suit. You know," He grabbed eagerly at a video game box, "But I think it's time for a break. Let's pop this beauty in and play!"

For the next three hours Clint and Tony played almost every game inside the large box Clint had brought home. They finished a lot of them with the help of Tony's extensive knowledge of video game cheat codes, but some of games they simply tossed aside in favor of another one. By the time they were done there was only one game left in the box. Natasha strolled into the room, gave the boys a disgusted look, and then peered into the box.

"Oh wow! I love this game!" She exclaimed.

Tony glanced back at her from his spot on the couch. "Which one is it?"

"Just Dance 4! Why haven't you played this one yet you guys?"

"Uh, because it would involve moving. I haven't left the couch since we started." Tony informed her proudly, brushing some cheeto dust off of himself.

"You are revolting, Stark, revolting," She shook her head and stepped over to the game console. She removed _Legend of Zelda_ and put in the game she wanted, "Now get up off your rear and dance. Unless you're chicken of course."

"Excuse me?" Stark asked, now fully awake, "Iron Man is not chicken."

"How about Tony Stark?" She grinned, stretching a bit in preparation for the dance battle that was about to take place.

"He's not chicken either. He could beat any _girl_ at any time." He snorted.

"Oh yeah? Care to test that theory?" She carefully inserted her wrist into the safety strap on her remote and winked.

Finally, Tony got off of the couch, leaving a rather large indent surrounded by orange snack powder where he had been. He put on his own safety strap and did a quick dance move to prove his abilities. Loki walked into the room, book in hand, and yawned. He swept some of the crumbs off of the couch and sat down.

"Reindeer Games, take note of this: today I, Anthony Stark will defeat Natasha Romanoff in an epic dance battle on _Just Dance 4_. Not only that, I will also take on any challengers and cream them as well! Ha!" Tony grinned.

"I'm sure that you will, Stark." Loki muttered without looking up from his book.

"Let's get to it then." Natasha smiled, selected a song titled _Tribal Dance_. It was a duet for a man and a woman, though up to four players could have played. They selected which part they would dance and then began. It was a sorry sight to watch as Tony stumbled through the moves and Natasha gracefully performed them exactly as they were displayed on the screen. It was a very energetic song and by the end of it Tony was close to collapsing. Natasha took one deep breath and that was that. Her remote vibrated happily and the game declared her the winner.

Loki had been watching the whole spectacle with growing interest. He wondered why they danced around like fools. They seemed to be copying (or trying to copy) every dance move presented on the television. It was quite an odd sight to behold. When Black Widow had won and Tony had all but passed out on the floor Loki chuckled. The Man of Iron danced like an amatuer.

"Any other challengers?" The redhaired woman asked sweetly.

Clint shook his head. "No way! I'm not dumb enough to go up against you in a dance off."

"Steve?" Natasha asked,

"I'll give it a try, though I'll probably just look foolish."

"Indeed." Loki agreed.

"Eh, if you're having fun you can never look foolish. Grab Tony's remote."

Steve took the remote and looked at the buttons. "What do I press?"

"Nothing, just hold the remote in your hand and dance like the characters on the screen do. It's as simple as that."

"Okay. Sounds easy enough."

Natasha scrolled through the songs and decided on one that Steve might have heard before. It was titled _Istanbul (Not Constantinople)_. The dance characters were all animals, a parrot, a shark, a zebra, and a rat. Black Widow picked the shark and Steve chose the rat. The music began playing and Captain America soon discovered that he was completely out of his element when it came to dancing. Even if he knew the song, he had no idea how to dance to it.

"Oh come on Cap, you can do this!" Natasha encouraged while beating him.

"I'm glad somebody thinks I can because I sure don't."

The song ended and the redhaired super spy was victorious once more. Tony and Steve looked at her in awe. She hadn't even broken a sweat.

"How are you so good at this?" Tony asked.

"That's my secret," She told them, "Anyone else? You sure you don't want to Clint?"

"I'm sure."

"Perhaps I might take a turn?" Loki asked meekly.

The four Avengers present laughed heartily at this. "You? Really?"

"Why not? If the soldier can do it then so can I."

"Alright Loki, you want to go up against the Dancing Queen, it's your own funeral." Steve shrugged, tossing him the remote.

Loki took a moment to get the safety band around his wrist and then he took off his outer robe. He stretched slightly and then grinned wickedly. Natasha smirked as well and cracked her knuckles.

"This is gonna be easy."

"Care to make a bet?"

"Why not? When I win you have to clean out the gym after my sparring matches for a month. What do you want if you win?"

"You must wear my helmet everywhere you go for a week." Loki extended his hand to her and she shook it.

"You've got yourself a deal," She smiled once more, "I've got the perfect song to do. _Livin La Vida Loki._"

Stark giggled slightly and Loki rolled his eyes. The two contestants put their hands on their heads and began to dance to the song playing*****. Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, and Clint Barton were all quite impressed with the Asgardian's dance moves as he shimmied and shook all across the living room. He was certainly a match for Natasha. It was a comical sight to see Loki doing the dance, and whenever the song said "livin la vida loca" the three other men would shout "livin la vida Loki" loudly. Despite this, the trickster kept calm and won the song.

Black Widow stared at him in shock. How on earth had he beaten her? Did all Asgardians have some weird super-dancing ability? Did Thor too have the moves like Jagger? What was going on here?

"Best two out of three, Romanoff?" Loki asked cheerfully, "I wouldn't want to take your title with my beginner's luck."

"Your on. You pick the next song."

"I select that one." Loki pointed to _Rock 'n Roll _by Shrillex and Natasha clicked on it. Once more the music played. When the song had played it's course then the redhead had won. The tie breaker song was to be decided by Tony. After going through all of the songs twice he finally decided on _Disturbia_ by Rihanna. By the time the song ended both of them were breathing hard and sweating quite a bit, however there could be only one champion.

"Loki of Asgard, I officially crown you the Dancing King!" Tony yelped happily.

Natasha paled and scowled. "As if that is really something to be proud of."

"You had a good reign, Nat, but out with the old and in with the new." Clint grinned.

Thor entered the room with a platter filled with poptarts of all varieties and sat on the couch. He smiled happily at Loki.

"I heard the news on my way in from the kitchen! You are a king! How exciting for you."

Loki rolled his eyes. "Yes Thor, I am now a king. Even if it is of dancing and nothing more. I expect to be referred to as 'Your Highness' from this moment forward."

Having lost the bet, Natasha felt it would be best if she stayed inside her room for the rest of the week so she didn't have to be ridiculed for wearing the ridiculous horned helmet. Unfortunately for her, SHIELD seemed to need her more than usual that week. When she walked into work wearing the large golden helmet she was met with quite a few snickers. One glare shut everyone up, but it was certainly still embarrassing. Not only that, but the game Just Dance had been forever ruined for her by Loki the Dancing King.

***I especially suggest that you check out ****_Livin La Vida Loca_****'s Just Dance video, I promise it will add to the story to be able to imagine exactly what dance moves Loki and Natasha are doing.**


	5. Mini Golf

**A/N: Hi guys! It's Tuesday! Yay! We get to see Asgardians do silly things! Ahem, anyway, I'd like to thank Earial13 for suggesting the idea for this chapter. I love getting suggestions you guys, so send in as many as you'd like through reviews or PMs if you'd like. Enjoy this chapter, thanks so much for all of the reviews/favorites/follows, you are awesome! :)**

"Really Thor, what are you doing?" Loki asked as he stepped into a room and saw his ex-brother trying to navigate a computer. Thor had managed to get the cord for the clicking device, or "mouse", wrapped around his neck and arm. As the thunderer tried to click on things he pulled the cord tighter and winced. It would have been amusing to just let Thor strangle himself with the cord, but Loki feared the other Avengers would blame him and he would be evicted from the building. Since Odin was not allowing him to return to Asgard and he had no intention of wandering the streets of Midgard, Loki tried to stay in the good graces of the Avengers whenever possible.

"Gaack!" Thor muttered, attempting to free himself from the hold of the mouse cord, "I am doing research!"

Loki took a few moments to laugh heartily at the thought of the big blonde oaf in front of him trying to learn something. After he stopped laughing, Loki began to aid Thor in untangling himself from the mouse cord. This task completed, the dark haired man glanced at the monitor to see what Thor had been researching. Pictures of humans holding long metal sticks, whacking at balls on miniature green fields were splayed across the screen.

"What exactly are you researching?"

"The other Avengers and I were invited to go to an event by some organization who cares about some dull Midgardian thing and would like us to be supporters of their cause. The event we shall attend is called 'mini golf' if I heard correctly and considering my lack of knowledge on this subject I thought it wise to look into it using the All Knowing Google."

Loki smacked the back of his brother's head. "Thor! You know that you are forbidden from using the All-Google since that incident with the Orange of Annoyingness!"

"Ow!" Thor yelped, slapping away Loki's hand, "This isn't like that! I am doing research to educate myself. Stark said it would be alright."

"Ha! Stark said that leftover pizza from three months ago would be 'alright' if you ate it, and where did that little venture land you?"

Thor sighed. "I was only in the infirmary for a week. It wasn't so bad."

"You never learn, Thor! Stark will tell you that _anything_ is safe as long as it produces a humorous effect. What about the time he told you that it would be 'safe' to both jump out the window from the top floor as long as he had his suit on? He pulled up in time and what did you do, Thor?"

"Err… I made a rather large indent in the sidewalk."

"Exactly. And you broke three ribs!"

"Why do you care what I do, Loki? You have never been the protecting type before." Thor pouted.

"Because I don't want you using the All-Google to find more annoying things to bother me with. When you discovered Carl the Llama I had a headache for weeks. The Orange of Annoyingness was just the straw that broke the camel's back, if you know what I mean."

Thor huffed angrily and got up from the computer. "Fine, but that means I shall have to figure out how to play mini golf while I am there."

"I won't be there, so do as you please." Loki grumbled, pushing the power button on the computer and leaving the room.

* * *

The Avengers arrived at the mini golf course without any major incidents and then got out to play with the organization leaders they were meeting. It was some philanthropist group that had a desire to get Avenger approval. The members of the organization that were present were three men and a woman.

The woman was wearing a pink polo shirt with their logo on it, blue capris, and a white cap. She had long blonde hair pulled into a ponytail and a thousand watt smile. Beaming at the Avengers she held out her hand and grinned even wider.

"It's such an honor to meet the heroes of New York! I am Alice Baker, the president of our little group."

Captain America shook her hand and smiled back. "Nice to meet you, ma'am. I'm Steve Rogers, this is Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, and I suppose you already know Tony Stark…" Steve turned to each of the Avegners as he introduced them. He couldn't seem to find Thor, "And our Asgardian member is around here somewhere."

"Is that him over there?" One of the men from the group asked. He pointed toward the windmill on the course where a large blonde man was attempting to reach his hand into the hole at the base of the structure, but kept getting hit by the rotating blades.

"Thor, what are you doing?" Natasha asked.

"I dropped the golf ball you gave me and in rolled into this hole. I am trying to retrieve it."

"Come back over here, Point Break, we can get you another golf ball." Tony called.

Thor reluctantly left the windmill and came back to the rest of the crowd. He smiled at Alice Baker and shook her hand. Once everyone been introduced to each other they found Hole One and began their game of mini golf. Everybody got through the hole without many problems and then it was Thor's turn.

The Asgardian put the new ball he had been given down on the green and examined his putter club. He twirled it in his hand and thought about what he had seen his friends do. They hit the ball with the club and made it go into the hole. That was all there was to it. This club seemed so… not majestic though. Surely no one would mind if he abandoned the club for something more fit for a prince of Asgard. When no one was looking Thor swapped out the club for Mjolnir. He swung his arm back and hit the ball as hard as he could.

Bruce Banner was chatting amiably with the members of the philanthropist group. He was quite enjoying Ms. Baker's company and found that it was nice to spend a day out in the fresh air and have a bit of good natured competition. As he was talking to Alice Baker he didn't notice a golf ball come flying at a hundred miles per hour toward his head. Steve, Tony, Clint, and Natasha did notice and they all tried to make the ball hit them instead. They dove for it, they mentally willed the ball to veer of course, they shouted protests - Thor yelled "fore" which was a word he had learned before Loki made him get off the computer. None of these heroic attempts could prevent the ball from colliding with Dr. Banner's face.

The good doctor fell to the ground. Alice Baker gasped and leaned over him. Natasha quickly pulled the organization president back and the other Avengers began clearing the area of civilians. Thor finally realized what he had done and gripped his hammer tightly in anticipation for the coming battle.

Bruce Banner's eyes flashed bright green and he growled angrily. The Avengers took a step back. His skin began to transform into a heinous green color and Alice Baker ran to hide behind the castle hole. Hulk had been unleashed.

* * *

Loki was eating a sandwich when the Avengers came back to the tower. He chuckled when he saw what state they were in.

Tony was wearing half of his armor, which he summoned to the golf course at some point, the other half was nowhere to be seen. His hair was pulled up at different angles and it looked as it the half of the suit he had on was riddled with golf balls. Natasha was soaking wet from the miniature pond at the golf course, which Hulk had dumped her in. She looked angry and her red hair was dripping water all over the floor. Clint had a black eye and his shirt was ripped in several places. He was wearing his quiver backwards, with it strapped across his chest rather than his back. Steve walked in with different pants than he had walked out in that morning. The original pants had been lost on Hole Nine and some pink pajama pants had been found under the dragon on Hole Three. No one knew where the pants came from, but Steve was grateful they had found them.

Thor entered last, carrying a sleeping Dr. Banner in his arms. The god of thunder's cape had been ripped in half and one of his shoes had sunk into a puddle of mud by Hole Four. The sleeping man he was carrying was wearing no shirt on and very stretched out purple pants.

From the appearance of the Avengers Loki guessed what had happened. He was certainly glad he had stayed home and far away from mini golf. He wasn't sure what had happened at the golf course, but he knew that it was Thor's fault.

**A/N: I know this chapter was kinda short - sorry about that. Since it was short, and I already have another chapter written I might just post two chapters today. We'll have to see. I hoped you liked seeing Thor play a bit of mini golf and then failing miserably... poor guy. See ya next chapter! **


	6. Laundry

**A/N: Here it is! I said I might do two chapters today and I did. This idea was suggested by dawnieangel76 and I've actually had it written for a couple of weeks because I thought it was such a fun idea to do, but I had other ideas I wanted to post as well. Anyway, thank you for the reviews everyone! I'm so glad you are enjoying this! I hope you like this chapter, I had a lot of fun writing it! :)**

The Avengers were often very messy people. Spills, drips, blood, and other stains often found their way onto the clothes of the Avengers. Clint and Thor were particularly messy people when it came to their clothing. This was often a major problem for Thor as he mostly wore metal armor, even when he didn't need to. The others tried to convince him that jelly stains came out of fabric a lot easier than they came out of metal as the fabric could be put in the high-tech washing machine Tony Stark owned. However, the Asgardian would not listen except when he wanted to be particularly casual.

Natasha always asked Clint not to spill on his clothing, as he usually asked her to wash is for him. She didn't always do it, but when she did she was disgusted by the appearance, smell, and pit stains. It was nasty, vile, and had a way of ruining a person's appetite. Clint was not, however, as big as a problem as Thor because he actually knew how to clean his clothing in the washing machine. Thor, being a prince, had no idea how to clean his clothes or his armor and the task was usually passed onto whatever Avenger was being the nicest at the time. This was usually Captain America.

Finally, the dear captain had enough of this and called a meeting of all the Avengers and Loki. They assembled in the meeting room and Steve pointed to Thor.

"Thor, I want you to know that I'm doing this because I consider you a friend and I don't want you to go through life like this."

The others nodded in agreement. "Also, because, as funny as it is, Cap can't keep doing your laundry." Tony noted.

Thor grinned in amusement. "Friends, you cannot be serious. I am the Son of Odin, the Prince of Asgard, the Thunderer, an Avenger! You cannot seriously expect me to do my own laundering. The very notion is ridiculous."

Loki looked as if he was enjoying this conversation too much. "Oh indeed Thor, you are too _proud_ to do your own laundry."

At the word "proud" Thor stiffened and Mjolnir seemed to grow a little heavier in his hand. Being proud meant that he would not be worthy. If he was not worthy to wield his beloved hammer then he was not fit to be an Avenger, then he would simply become ordinary! The thought was too much for him to bare and he nodded grimly.

"If it is what must be done then I would be… grateful. Yes, very grateful for lessons in how to launder my clothing," He looked at the other members of his team, "Who shall instruct me?"

The other Avengers eyed each other warily. They hadn't thought of that. In order for Thor to learn how to do his own laundry someone would first have to show him. Tony dashed from the room as quickly as he could, shouting behind him.

"I just remembered, there are some things and stuff that Pepper asked me to do!" And with that the billionaire was gone.

Bruce Banner, who was normally willing to be a teacher to his friend Thor, awkwardly side stepped out of the room, mumbling something about having to go buy milk. After the good doctor was gone the three remaining Avengers looked at each other, willing the others to take on the enormous task of teaching Thor how to do the laundry.

Black Widow spoke up. "Rogers shouldn't have to do it, he's always doing Thor's laundry anyways. That leaves you and me, Clint."

Captain America gratefully left the room. The two assassins made fists with their hands and Thor worried they would fight it out. Clint narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"You know there is only one way to decide, Nat." He held up his fist and she held up hers.

"Rules?" She ground out.

"By the book."

"Hmm, fine." The red haired woman raised her fist and slammed it down on the palm of her other hand three times. Clint mirrored her actions. On the fourth hit they made different signs with their hands and Clint grinned triumphantly at his sign.

"Scissors beats paper! Ha!"

"Why I oughta…" Natasha growled, stepping closer. She sighed, "Fine, fair is fair. Thor, go get your laundry."

There was a small cough from Loki, who was still in the room. "Agent Romanoff? If you have better things to do then perhaps I could instruct Thor on the use of the washing machine and dryer. After all, you did such a marvelous job of teaching me how to do my own laundry last week, I should test my knowledge of the subject by teaching Thor."

"You? Volunteering to do something to help _me_? Who are you and what have you done with Loki?" She snorted.

"Why, you offend me!" Loki smirked, "To think I am incapable of helping someone besides myself! You are mistaken, agent."

"What's your angle?"

"No angle, I simply believe it is time I pulled my weight around here. After all, I wouldn't want to impose on the Avengers' hospitality."

Black Widow glared at him for two minutes, trying to get him to break, but he remained firm. Loki seemed to genuinely want to help. "Alright, but don't get any funny ideas."

"My dear Agent Romanoff, it is merely laundry. What could possibly go wrong?"

Thor nodded. "I shall take his instructions on the subject as well as keeping an eye on him. He shall commit no tricks under my watchful gaze."

Finally convinced, Natasha nodded and left the two Asgardians to do the laundry. Loki grinned wickedly and turned to his brother.

"Thor, retrieve your dirty laundry and meet me in the laundry room." He ordered.

"Very well," Thor boomed. He began to walk away to get his laundry, but turned back and frowned, "Ah, where exactly is the laundry room?"

Much later, Thor had found his way to the laundry room with a large hamper filled with red capes, tunics, and leather arm guards. As he was entering the laundry room in the basement of Avengers Tower he tripped on something (possibly Loki's foot, though he will neither confirm or deny it) and spilled his clothes all over the concrete floor.

"Thor, you oaf!" Loki clucked his tongue at him, "Making a mess already?"

"I apologize, Loki. I shall pick it up," Thor said through gritted teeth. Once the clothing was back in the hamper Thor smiled broadly, "Should we begin?"

Loki went over to the washing machine and threw open the lid. "Place your clothing in the machine." He gestured and demonstrated with a cape.

"Like this?" Thor dumped all of the clothes in at once and smiled again.

Loki shrugged. "I'm sure that will be fine. Next we need to put in the soap. I know there was something particular we needed to do to put the soap in, but I can't recall." He had forgotten to open the soap drawer and just grabbed the box of powder soap and handed it to Thor.

"How much should I put in?"

Loki considered it. "Well, your clothes are filthy so a good amount I would guess."

"Yes, probably," Thor agreed. He looked at the industrial size box of soap in his hands and ripped the top off, "I believe this amount shall be sufficient." He chucked the whole box-worth into the machine on top of his cloaks and tunics. Loki raised an eyebrow but made no comment.

In a rush, Iron Man stepped into the room carrying a shirt. "Hey guys," He greeted, "I figured that since you're doing laundry anyways you could wash this shirt I need for a press conference tonight." He tossed in the glossy white, button up shirt and strolled back out of the room, "Thanks!"

Loki's grin widened. "Oh this is far better than what I had planned." He muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, the next step is to close the device and put it on the correct setting. Hmm…" He scratched his chin thoughtfully.

"What is it brother?" Thor asked.

"I can't remember what setting Agent Romanoff used when she was teaching me how to do this. No matter, we shall just put it on 'large load' to be safe," He turned the dial to that mark and then looked around, "Now where in the nine realms is the start button?"

Thor peered at the machine and victoriously jabbed the desired button. Surprisingly, the button did not break, but made the machine start vibrating cheerfully. The brothers both gave a "hurrah" in their achievement and then stared at the machine for sometime.

"It will be quite a while before it is done, let us go find something to satisfy our hunger." Loki declared, stepping out of the room and over to the elevator. Thor got in as well and they pressed the button that would take them back to the penthouse. Once in the kitchen they used the new, larger toaster Tony had just bought to cook up enough frozen waffles and poptarts to feed an army - or two mildly hungry Asgardians.

The snack was consumed eagerly and then they trekked to the basement once more. Right before the elevator doors swung open they heard a robotic voice.

"Mr. Odinson, Mr. Laufeyson, I would recommend you do not exit the elevator."

"And why not, JARVIS?" Loki asked irritably.

"There seems to have been a problem with the laundry load, sir."

Thor's eyes grew wide. "Nay, say it is not so!"

"I'm afraid it is," JARVIS answered grimly, "Shall I contact Mr. Stark?"

"No!" Both Asgardians shouted.

"We don't need to be blamed for another fiasco," Loki growled, "Let us out of the elevator so we can see what damage has been done."

JARVIS obliged and both Loki and Thor gasped in horror. Before them the recreation room was filled two feet deep with pink-ish bubbles. The Wii floated past them lazily and Thor grimaced. What had once been a lovely room for playing games such as ping-pong and Wii was now a swampy, bubbly nightmare.

"Oh my." Thor winced.

"Let us get to the laundry room before we assume the situation is out of control." Loki began wading through the bubbles toward the laundry room door. Once he had arrived he waved Thor over, "The current is not very strong, it is safe to cross."

Thor picked his way through the flotsam and bubbles and the brothers opened the door to the laundry room. If the rec room had been a nightmare with the door to the source of the trouble closed, you can imagine how terrifying the laundry room itself was. A wave of suds washed over them, forcing them back and coating them in water and soap.

"Loki?"

"What Thor?"

"I believe the situation is out of control."

"Agreed."

They got up and opened the washing machine warily. Inside the clothing was perfectly washed, it was only outside of the machine that chaos had occurred.

"Thor?"

"What Loki?"

"I believe you put too much soap in."

"Agreed."

"What are we to do about it Thor?"

"How should I know? Aren't _you_ supposed to be teaching _me_ how to do the laundry?"

"I only volunteered to cause a bit of trouble."

"Well you certainly succeeded with that Loki!" Thor shouted angrily, "What do you propose we do about it?!"

"I hadn't thought I would cause _this _much trouble," Loki looked at the chaos that had occurred because of the excess amount of soap, "In any case it was you who put in the cleaning powder."

"Well you certainly didn't try to stop me!"

"Alright!" Loki snapped, "Let's just find a way to clean it up before your friends find out."

"I shall retrieve a bucket." Thor confirmed.

Two hundred bucketfuls later and three near run-ins with a member of the Avengers, Loki and Thor had managed to get rid of enough water and bubbles so that they could move about more easily. There was no doubt that the basement was still rather wet, but it had been covered up enough for them to finish their load of laundry.

"The next part is drying it." A sopping wet Loki recalled.

"How might we go about that?" An equally wet Thor asked.

"Take the clothing from the washing machine and place it in the drying machine. Then we will put in some fabric softener and press start. Simple. There is no possible way it could go wrong."

"That is what you said about the washing part!" Thor declared angrily.

"Do you really have such little faith in me?"

"Yes."

"Fair enough." Loki admitted.

Not wanting to delay drying the sudsy mess any longer, Thor grudgingly did as his brother said and inserted his tunics, capes, arm guards, and Tony's shirt into the dryer. Loki threw a fabric softener sheet in as well.

"Only one?" Thor asked skeptically.

"I don't think we want to overload, based on what happened when you tried to add too much soap," Loki thought about it for a moment, "However, your capes are awfully large. A few more couldn't hurt."

Thor grabbed a handful of fabric softener and shoved them in as well. Pressing start, Thor glanced warily at Loki and Loki glanced warily at Thor. They waited for something to go horribly wrong for ten minutes, but nothing seemed to be happening. So, they went back to cleaning up the recreation room with a few towels.

"Thor?"

"Yes Loki?"

"Do you smell something burning?"

"Aye, it smells a bit like the time Friend Steve set the microwave on fire."

Simultaneously the brothers jumped up and ran into the laundry room. The dryer was smoking slightly. Thor held Mjolnir defensively, wondering what he should do. Loki rushed to the dryer and threw the door open. There was, luckily, no blazing fire, but the clothing looked a little singed. The dark haired brother grabbed a laundry basket and shoved the smoking clothing into it. He peered into the dryer and noticed that the multitude of fabric softener sheets had gotten trapped on the vent, and were beginning to catch ablaze. The mischief maker reached to remove them from the spot but they caught fire in his hand. He dropped them immediately and the flames licked at the dryer walls.

"Loki! You set it on fire!"

"I did not! It was your extra fabric softening sheets that did it!"

"What are we to do? The flames are spreading!"

"Detecting smoke," JARVIS called from a speaker, "Commencing fire safety protocol for level 0A." Thor and Loki had no clue what that meant until water began spewing from the ceiling. The fire was put out and both men were wetter than before. Finally the downpour stopped, leaving wet Asgardians and, surprisingly, dry clothes. Loki had managed to cover them with Thor's current cloak.

"Well," Thor sighed heavily, sniffing slightly, "At least I learned how not to do laundry."

"I suppose next time you are asked to do it you will know exactly what not to do, yes." Loki agreed, wringing out his black hair.

"Shall we take the fruits of our labor up to the penthouse to fold them?"

"I believe the less we are seen down here with the water and disaster the better it will be for us in the long run." Loki handed Thor the basket and the went to the elevator.

When they arrived in the penthouse they sat on the couch and began to fold the various pieces of clothing. Bruce entered the room and raised an eyebrow curiously. Why were they soaking wet? How could they have possibly messed up such a simple task? Bruce smiled, he reminded himself that Thor and Loki could make a mess of anything.

"Hey guys, need some help with that folding?"

"If you wouldn't mind." Thor nodded.

Tony Stark entered the room and searched through the pile of clothing without saying a word. Finally, he grabbed something and shrieked in a rather girly tone.

"My shirt!" He held before him a bright pink button up shirt.

"What trickery is this, Loki?" Thor asked angrily.

"Believe it or not, the trickery is your doing Thor," Loki snickered, "I just didn't prevent it."

"How is this possible?"

Bruce looked at the rest of the clothing in the basket. "Thor, all of the clothes you own seem to be red. Do you know what happens when you mix red with white?"

"Oh," Thor's face did a good job of demonstrating that exact color, "I apologize Man of Iron. I did not think that my capes would transform your shirt to this rosy hue."

Tony was shaking with anger. He glared daggers at Thor and shook the shirt in his face. The only thing he could manage to say was: "Pink! Pink! Pink!"

"I see that, and I'm very sorry." Thor said, backing away a little.

"Pink!"

Bruce put a calming hand on his friend's shoulder. "Come on, you can borrow one of my shirts for your press conference."

"Pink!"

The genii left the room, Tony still shaking and muttering "pink" over and over again. Thor grimaced and Loki laughed. The trickster couldn't wait to see Iron Man's face when he learned that the basement had been flooded. Needless to say, Thor's first attempt at doing the laundry had been… interesting.


	7. Dating

**A/N: I'm so sorry I didn't update on Tuesday! I was gone covering an event for my school newspaper all day and then on Wednesday I had to spend all day compiling and formatting said newspaper and after that I was too worn out to even start writing a story. I'm sorry, you may throw rotting tomatoes at me if you so desire. Anyway, to make up for two days of not posting I have made this chapter extra long. However, I am introducing a new character. She isn't an OC, but she's not exactly a well known character in the MU. I've tried to keep her back story as close to the comics as possible so most of the information about her is straight from the Marvel website. After researching this character I've come to think of her as pretty dang awesome and I hope I do her justice. Whew, long author's note. Sorry again about Tuesday and I hope you enjoy!**

Thor was excited. His beloved Jane Foster was coming for a visit for a whole weekend. The thundered couldn't wait to introduce her to all of his Avenging friends, the city, and take her on a date.

Thor was currently inspecting every corner of Avengers Tower to make sure everything was in pristine condition for his girlfriend's visit. He personally vacuumed out the the couch in the living room and wiped down the counters in the kitchen. It so happened that Bruce Banner walked into the room while Thor was peering inside the toaster to check its cleanliness.

"Hi Thor, making more poptarts?" Bruce asked, opening the fridge and removing the orange juice.

"Not currently. I am checking to make sure the toasting device has been cleaned properly." Thor answered, shaking some of the crumbs out and into the sink.

"Since when do you care about cleaning?" Bruce smiled, "Did you hear about my cousin's visit?"

"Who? I am cleaning because Jane is visiting."

"Oh, is Ms. Foster visiting as well?"

"I wasn't aware anyone besides Jane was visiting." Thor was about to stick a metal knife in the plugged in toaster to scrape out some more crumbs, but Bruce gently took the knife away to prevent electrocution.

"My cousin is visiting this weekend." The doctor informed his Asgardian friend.

"I wish your cousin a pleasant visit," Thor nodded, "Could you perhaps help me clean this toaster more? I want to cook Jane some poptarts when she gets here."

* * *

Loki was bored. Very, incredibly, totally, utterly bored. He sat on the freshly vacuumed couch and grabbed the remote. He pushed a few buttons and tried to get the television to turn on, however, there seemed to be something called "Parental Block" on the TV that needed a passcode. No doubt Stark put that on after Thor and Loki spent two whole days watching soap operas.

The trickster angrily turned off the TV and crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes roamed the room, looking for something to do. When no entertainment could be found, Loki wandered into the kitchen to find his ex-brother and Banner cleaning the toaster.

"What are you two buffoons doing?" He drawled.

"Cleaning!" Thor announced.

"Says the man who refused to launder his clothing last week," Loki rolled his eyes, "What could have motivated you to _clean_?"

"Jane Foster is coming for a visit," Bruce said, adjusting his glasses, "As well as my cousin. We thought the toaster could do with a good cleaning."

Loki groaned. He wasn't exactly a fan of Thor's lady. It wasn't that she wasn't a pleasant enough person, it was just that she and Thor were irritating whenever they were around each other. They always gazed into one another's eyes and sighed dreamily. It was sickening.

"Why do you protest, brother? Jane is my friend!" Thor asked dejectedly.

"That is the point, Thor, she is _your_ friend. You are tolerable by yourself and Ms. Foster is a nice enough person, but when the two of you are together I can't stand to be in the room."

"Well then maybe you can help me entertain my cousin for the weekend." Bruce suggested.

Loki wrinkled his nose. "Another dull scientist, no thank you."

"Actually, my cousin is a lawyer."

"Even worse." Loki lazily stepped over to the pantry and pulled out a box of Lucky Charms. He poured the sugary cereal into a bowl and grabbed a jug of milk. Combining the foods he speared the concoction with a spoon and began eating.

"Loki, Natasha says that cereal is for _breakfast_ not snacking." Thor scolded.

"Meh." Loki grunted, not feeling very silver-tongued at the moment.

Bruce Banner set the toaster back down and plugged it in again. "There you go, Thor, all clean. You can cook poptarts to your heart's content." The doctor nodded politely at Loki and then exited the room.

* * *

"Mr. Odinson," JARVIS called, "Ms. Jane Foster has arrived in the lobby."

Thor yelped and scrambled to the door of the penthouse. "Already? Thank you JARVIS." He stumbled through the living room where Loki glared at him and then returned to hacking the "Parental Block".

"Thor, you oaf, you are still in your pajamas."

"What?" Thor looked down at himself and gasped. He was wearing flannel pajamas because, though he had been cleaning the penthouse all day he had forgotten to get himself cleaned up, "Oh no!"

"You're leaving your lady friend waiting, Thor." Loki taunted.

Thor pondered what to do in this situation. He couldn't go down to the lobby dressed like this, but he couldn't just leave Jane down there while he got ready. Once upon a time he would have had a simple solution to the problem, but would the same answer work now? There was nothing to do but try. He looked at Loki with his most pleading expression.

"Loki, would you please go down to meet Jane in the lobby while I get dressed?"

Loki gave him a look that clearly said "really?" and then went back to staring at the TV screen. "No."

"Please Loki?"

"Ask one of your Avenger friends to do it."

"I don't have time to argue, please will you just do this one thing for me?"

"Why should I?"

Thor growled slightly. "Loki…"

The trickster sat up and put the remote down. "Oh alright." He sighed, left his pajama clad ex-brother, and stepped into the elevator. The lift dinged cheerily when it reached the lobby of Avengers Tower and the doors swung open. Loki looked out over the crowd of people in the enormous lobby. There were men, women, and children going about various activities. Some were going on tours, some were signing into business meetings, and some were standing around scanning faces. Loki's gaze found Jane standing by an information desk, chatting with a receptionist. The Midgardian woman had a rolling suitcase beside her and was obviously marveling at her surroundings. From what Loki could remember about her she was a scientist of some sort so it was no wonder that she was impressed by Stark's building.

The trickster moodily stepped out of the elevator and made his way to Jane. Many people gave him a wide berth, which suited him just fine, but others stared at him and crowded close. Loki brushed them all away and finally made it to the desk and Jane. He laid a hand on her shoulder and she jumped. He gave her a sinister smile and her face filled with panic. Evidently Thor had yet to inform his lady love that Loki was not hostile any more.

"Jane Foster," Loki leered, "Thor's friend."

"Loki!" She gasped.

"The one and only." He supposed he should tell her that he was here on Thor's behalf, but this was good opportunity to have some fun.

"What do you want?" She put on a brave face, but Loki had already seen how scared she was.

"Oh, it's not about what _I _want, it's about what Thor doesn't want." Loki tightened his grip on her shoulder menacingly and was about to continue with his hollow threats when a woman stepped up to Jane and him.

"Excuse me, is there a problem here?" She said in a timid voice. Loki turned to look at the Midgardian woman. She was fairly tall, skinny, had long brown hair, and blazing green eyes. She wore a business suit and glasses and peered back at him curiously.

"This is none of your concern, woman." Loki snarled.

The woman's frown deepened and her eyebrows arched angrily. "Woman? Sir, that is not how you should address a person. Apologize to me and then leave her alone." She put her hands on her hips and her eyes seemed to become an even brighter shade of green.

Loki laughed and bent slightly to look her face to face. "Do you have any idea who I am..._woman_?"

"I do, in fact. You are rude."

"That is simply a description. That is not who I am."

"Then you are a bully."

Was it his imagination or did she just grow an inch? Surely he was imagining things. "I am Loki of Asgard. You might have heard of me."

Her eyes widened. "Oh."

"So you might want to leave before I stop being civil."

This time the woman scoffed. "Ha! _You_ might want to leave before I get angry, believe me you won't like me when I'm angry."

"Oh really, what happens when you're angry? I know the current location of the Hulk so that can't be it." Loki mused.

"You know the location of _a_ Hulk. How narrow minded of you to think there is only one." Then, before his eyes the woman grew nearly a foot and turned bright green. Loki's jaw dropped. Not another one!

Jane stared like a deer caught in the headlights at the green woman before her and then looked to Loki. He was just as shocked as she was. The green woman smiled hugely at the pair of them.

"You're Loki of Asgard? Well I'm Jennifer Walters, they call me She-Hulk," She bent down a little to look him in the eye, "I've heard you've had run-ins with a Hulk before, I'm guessing it wasn't a pleasant experience for you."

Before Loki could think up any kind of response, witty or otherwise, Bruce Banner came running up and smiled up at the green colossus. Dr. Banner _gave the woman a hug_.

"Jen!" He exclaimed.

The green woman scowled for a moment, looking at Loki, and then hugged her cousin back. "Hey Bruce!"

"How are you?" Bruce asked, obviously not caring that she was near seven feet tall and green.

"Right now, not so great," She growled, pointing to Loki, "This guy here is bothering her," She gestured to Jane, "And I don't like it."

Bruce looked at Loki questioningly. "What are you doing down here? Shouldn't Thor be meeting Jane? And didn't you say you didn't want to meet Jennifer?"

"Firstly, Thor was busy and he didn't want Ms. Foster to have no welcoming committee so he sent me. Secondly, I did not intentionally meet your kin. She rather rudely barged into our conversation." Loki crossed his arms.

Jane looked to Bruce. "You're one of the Avengers, right?"

"Yes… well sort of… I mean…"

"Can you please explain to me why _Loki_ is here, running about in New York?"

"He's been staying in Avengers Tower."

"Why?!"

"Well, it's kind of hard to explain but…"

"Nevermind," Jane scowled.

The elevator opened and Thor stepped out wearing almost normal clothes. His face glowed when he saw Jane. The glow dimmed when he saw Loki, Bruce, and Jen. He walked over to them and gave Jane a hug. She finally smiled again and hugged him back. She then looked pointedly at Loki and Thor raised an eyebrow.

"Is there something wrong here?"

"I think I just scared your friend a little." Loki grunted.

"Loki if you did anything…" Thor warned. He didn't bother to finish his sentence because he was curious as to who the green giantess was, "You must be Dr. Banner's cousin."

She laughed. "How'd ya guess? Some people say we have the same nose."

"Ah…" Thor wasn't sure how polite it would be to point out that she was huge and green.

"I'm just messing with you. Yes, I am Bruce's cousin."

"I wasn't aware that his, uh, _condition_ was genetic."

"It's not, but I'll tell you all about it over lunch. I'm starved!" She hoisted a suitcase over her shoulder and then picked up Jane's as well, "I assume we're all headed for the penthouse floor?"

"Yes, but you must allow for me to get the luggage!" Thor said, ever the gentleman.

"Nah, I got it covered. You carry Loki over there and I'll get the luggage." Jen joked.

"I do not require someone to carry me!" Loki snapped when Thor attempted to pick him up, "She was making a jest, Thor!"

"I knew that." Thor said, elbowing his brother in the ribs and then taking Jane's hand. The group got back on the elevator and they were about to ascend to the penthouse when JARVIS spoke up.

"I regret to inform you that the maximum weight for the elevator is one thousand pounds," The robotic voice announced, "You are exceeding the limit by nearly three hundred fifty pounds."

"How in the nine realms…" Thor muttered, "We can't possibly weigh that much!"

Jen laughed. "I think that's me. I'll catch the next one, you guys go on without me."

Bruce decided to wait with his cousin and catch up a bit while the others went up to the top floor. Loki stared curiously at the green woman as the doors closed and wondered how she had transformed from the timid woman to a green monster and not "smashed" anything yet. He had to admit, she was charming… and green was his favorite color.

* * *

Lunch consisted of a huge plate of poptarts that Thor had cooked up. The thunderer himself ate five of the tarts, Loki ate four, Bruce ate two, Jane ate one, and Jennifer at fifteen. The Asgardians were impressed to say the least. As they munched the various flavors of toaster treats Thor inquired once more as to how Jen was a green monster and how she hadn't completely destroyed the building yet.

"Bruce might have told you that I'm a lawyer. Well, as a lawyer I make a few enemies. One of the crime bosses I helped put away got out early and came after me. A few bullets later I was dying in a hospital with need of a blood transfusion. As it turns out, Bruce was in town and he was the only match for a blood donation. He was eager to help, of course, but hesitant to give me Hulk blood. After a few arguments and the doctors announcing there was nothing else to be done Bruce gave me enough blood to get me back on my feet." Jennifer explained.

"How interesting!" Jane Foster commented, "But you seem to be completely in control of your Hulk form, how is that possible?"

"I wasn't always, but eventually I got the hang of it and now I can become big and green whenever I want and still be in control of my actions," She elbowed Loki mockingly, "Which has it's perks when there are villains around."

The little group chatted for a little while longer about how Jane was doing, what she was up to and about what Jen had been doing recently. Bruce's cousin was in New York for a major case about a rogue SHIELD agent who she didn't think was guilty and was defending. The pleasant conversation was interrupted when Tony Stark entered the scene wearing the arm of his Iron Man suit. He was fiddling with it and not looking up.

"Hey Doc, what do you think of this modification I made?" Tony glanced up and dropped his screwdriver, "Holy guacamole!"

"Nice to meet you too," Jennifer smiled, "You must by Tony."

"Uh, I, who?" Tony stammered.

"I'm Jennifer Walters, Bruce's cousin."

"I can see the family resemblance!" Tony stared at her, gaping open mouthed.

"Stark, it is rude to stare." Loki snapped.

"Huh? Oh right. Err, a pleasure to meet you Ms. Walters."

"Please, call me Jen," She winked, stretched, and looked to Bruce, "You'd better introduce me to the rest of them before someone has a heart attack at seeing a six foot seven inch green woman standing in the kitchen."

Thor and Jane left the rest of the group to go out on a date and Jennifer was taken into the living room. Clint and Natasha were playing each other in a videogame and Steve was trying to use a laptop. Bruce cleared his throat.

"What the heck?!" Clint exclaimed, "Since when do we have two jolly green giants living in the Tower?"

Introductions were made and all of the Avengers tried to get used to a Hulk not wrecking everything in sight. The giantess and Natasha had a friendly chat and were getting to know one another while some of the men talked with each other.

"Why is she still huge and green?" Tony whispered to Bruce.

"Stark! You imbecile, don't talk about a lady that way!" Loki hissed, feeling oddly protective of Jennifer.

"Ha, you're one to talk, Reindeer Games!" Tony scoffed.

"She hasn't changed back yet," Bruce interjected, "Because she likes being She-Hulk, told me it makes her feel more confident."

"Really? If I was gargantuan green monster I'd never show my face in public." Tony quipped. For this comment Loki socked him in the arm, and when one is punched by and Asgardian one does not take it lightly. Tony stumbled slightly and glared at Loki, "What? Why do you care what I say about Hulk-ette?"

"It's not very polite."

"Since when is Loki Laufeyson _polite_?" Tony waggled his eyebrows, "Do you have a crush on her?"

Loki blushed slightly and shook his head. "No! Don't be silly Stark! I respect her as a person. I don't 'have a crush'. You are so infantile!"

"If you don't like her then how come you got so defensive when I said you did?! Hmm?"

"Shut up."

"Would you like me to set you up on a date? I'm good at that!" Tony squealed happily.

"Would you like me to choke the life out of your body? I'm good at that." Loki replied moodily. He rolled his eyes.

"Fine, if you don't have a crush on her then prove it," Tony said, standing next to Bruce, "Right Banner?"

"I really don't want to get involved…"

"Uh huh, great. So, prove it Loki."

"How would you propose I do that?" Loki asked.

"Go talk to her."

The mischief maker swallowed nervously. This would be a terribly awkward conversation considering he had threatened her down in the lobby. Making amends was really not his forte. Come to think of it, neither was talking to women. That had always been Thor's area of expertise while Loki hung in the background reading a book about magic. Oh sure, Loki could make a decent threat or play a good prank on a girl, but he never really conversed with them. However, he couldn't back down now or Stark would mock him for eternity.

"Fine." He snapped, backing out of the group and going to talk with Jennifer.

* * *

Tony, Bruce, Clint, and Steve were watching Loki from a distance as the Asgardian tried to have a conversation with the She-Hulk. They couldn't hear what was being said, but Loki looked flustered and was blushing quite a bit. As they watched Tony giggled slightly.

"What's so funny?" Steve asked.

"I've never seen Loki looking so out of his element."

"I have, when I was trying to teach him how to ride a bike." The captain smirked.

"True, but he didn't blush so much then." Tony pointed out.

Bruce shook his head wearily and headed off to the kitchen to get something for everyone to snack on. While he was gone Loki rejoined the group of men, looking pale and slightly shaken.

"So? How'd it go?" Clint asked.

"Ms. Walters and I are going on a date tonight." Loki whispered, eyes opened wide.

While the other men laughed heartily Bruce came back into the room smiling slightly. "What are we laughing about?"

"Your cousin is going on a date with Loki!" Tony giggled.

Bruce Banner normally kept his cool pretty easily. He had to with his condition. Not many things upset him enough to cause a transformation into the Hulk. He'd been zapped, prodded, yelled at, attacked, and much more and hadn't turned into the Hulk at any of those things. However when he heard that his cousin, who was the closest thing to a sibling he'd ever had, and who he had spent most of his childhood with, was going to date one of the most crazy people in the world Bruce lost control. His muscles surged and his eyes brightened. His shirt ripped and his shoes popped off his feet.

Loki tried his best never to upset Dr. Banner now that he lived in the same building as Hulk. After his last encounter with the giant green man he was not eager to have another meeting. When Tony announced that Loki and Jennifer would be going on a date, Bruce was no more - replaced by the Incredible Hulk. The Asgardian nearly wet his pants.

"Hulk smash puny god! Puny god no date She-Hulk!" Hulk bellowed, spraying spittle and sending tremors through the whole building.

Tony elbowed Loki and whispered: "Run."

For possibly the first and last time ever, Loki agreed with Tony Stark and sprinted for the hall. Hulk roared and attempted to follow, but Captain America got in his way, holding his hands out peacefully.

"Whoa there Hulk! Calm down!"

"Hulk _smash_!"

"But why?" Steve asked.

Hulk paused for a moment, considering, but then swatted Captain America away with the back of his hand. "Because Hulk want to!" Well, when Hulk wanted to do something it was best not to get in the way. The green beast made his way to the hallway where Loki hid. Before he could attack, Jennifer lunged from the living room and tackled her cousin. She got him in a headlock and grinned.

"Oh come on Brucey, what's got you so mad?" She asked.

Hulk looked conflicted. He had never fought his cousin, nor did he wish to, but she was standing in the way of him smashing a puny god. Then again, he was only attempting to smash a puny god because a puny god wanted to date his cousin. What to do?

"Hulk smash!" He finally decided.

"I know, I know, but this is something we can talk out reasonably." Jennifer prompted, loosening her grip.

"But…"

"No buts about it, Hulk." Jen scolded.

Hulk sighed heavily and slowly turned into Bruce Banner. Bruce shook his head tiredly and held up his now-too-large pants. "I'm sorry Jen, I just got kind of freaked out there. You are going on a date with _him_?"

Jen patted him on the back. "I am, but I think it's very sweet of you to be concerned for my well being."

Loki took a huge sigh of relief. "By Odin's Beard! I had no desire to be 'smashed', as you so eloquently put it, again."

Bruce went from smiling with his cousin to frowning at Loki. "You better behave yourself on this date or the Other Guy is coming back."

"Oh come on Brucey, I think I can take care of myself," Jennifer laughed, "Besides, I asked him out."

The Avengers all turned to her with eyebrows raised. "You ask _Loki _on a date?"

"Yeah, so?"

"But why? Weren't you arguing with him down in the lobby?" Bruce asked incredulously.

"I was, but that was because I thought that he was bothering Jane. Now that I know he was joking I think I'd like to go on a date with him." She shrugged and Loki smirked.

"Unbelievable." Bruce shook his head.

"Eh, not really," Jen smiled, "Anyway, I am exhausted from my plane trip so I'm gonna go get settled in, okay?"

"I'll show you to your guest room." Tony offered.

"Thanks. I'll see you," She pointed at Loki, "At six tonight."

"I await it eagerly." Loki smiled, giving a slight bow.

"See Bruce, he's a perfect gentleman!"

"A perfect gentleman who tried to take over the entire Earth!" Bruce muttered.

* * *

By the time Loki was getting ready to go on his date with She-Hulk Thor had come back from his date with Jane. The blonde man came back to find his brother nervously going through all of the clothing in his closet.

"Brother! I have returned from a lovely day with Jane. What are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

Thor looked at the pile of green, black, and gold clothing on the ground and scratched his beard curiously. "Sorting through your closet?"

"I'm looking for something to wear on my date with Ms. Walters." Loki hissed.

"You are going on a date?!" Thor bellowed happily, "Wait until Mother hears about this!"

Loki opted to ignore that comment, slightly worried about what Frigga would think when word got back to her, and instead threw a shirt at Thor's head. "What is appropriate attire for a date?"

"You'll want to make a lasting impression as I did when I met Jane…" The thunderer mused.

"She hit you with her vehicle, you threatened her, and then Darcy tasered you," Loki said sarcastically, "How could that meeting _not _make an impression?"

"Good point. Might I ask where you are taking her?"

"No you might not."

"As your parole officer I think I am inclined to know." Thor put his hands on his hips.

"Alright, I'm taking her to an elegant eating establishment. Are you happy now?"

"Not quite. What are you wearing to this eating establishment and how are you paying for it? Hmmm?"

"Stark offered to lend me enough money to pay for the meal. Why do you care what I wear?"

"Because you must look presentable to your lady love!" Thor exclaimed.

"She is not my lady love!"

"Then why are you taking her on a date?"

"She asked me!"

"But you accepted."

"I…" Loki couldn't think of a response for that so he shut his mouth and selected a dark green robe, "I'll wear this."

"Psssh!" Thor waved the very idea away, "Don't be ridiculous. You can't wear that."

"And why not?"

"It's hideous."

"Then what do you think I should wear?"

Thor smiled brightly. "I have just the thing."

Five minutes later Jennifer was dressed nicely in a skirt and blouse. She was still green and over six feet tall, but she looked lovely. The giantess was standing in the front entryway to the penthouse and Bruce approached her.

"I still can't believe you're doing this."

"Too bad for you, cousin." She winked, displaying her glitter eyeshadow.

Loki entered the room with Thor by his side and everyone present turned to stare at the Asgardian brothers. Loki was wearing silver armor and a bright red cape that matched his brother's exactly. The armor seemed a bit big and by the expression on his face it was not very comfortable.

"Loki is ready for his date!" Thor announced.

"Might I just say, Jennifer, that you look exquisite?" Loki smiled as smoothly as possible while clanking around in the oversized armor.

"Thank you, you look… nice." She smiled.

"Thank you," Loki replied, nearly moaning, "Shall we?" He offered his arm to her and she took it, smiling down at him.

"I expect you back by no later than nine o'clock." Bruce warned.

Loki was going to make some snide remark, but the armor was clanking too loudly so he just nodded. "Of course."

The couple stepped into the elevator, but right before they descended Tony rushed into the room and snapped a picture of them. "Ha! This one is going in my high tech virtual scrapbook! Have fun lovebirds!"

Loki winced and Jennifer laughed.

* * *

At precisely 9:01 P.M. the elevator doors swung open and Loki and Jennifer stepped in, laughing, smiling, and holding hands. Bruce, who was spying on them from behind the couch, narrowed his eyes. He jumped out at them.

"You're late!"

"Aaah!" Jen yelped, taking a defensive pose, "Oh, it's just you, Brucey. Don't scare me like that, someone could get hurt."

Loki, who was no longer wearing the bulky armor, but instead a dark green shirt and black pants, laughed. "Honestly Doctor, you should know better than to sneak up on a Hulk."

Bruce tapped his finger impatiently. "Yes, yes, but you are late! I said nine o'clock, didn't I?" He held out his watch, "What do you call that?"

"A fast watch?" Loki shrugged and Jennifer giggled.

"Late!" Bruce snapped.

"Alright, we're sorry," Jennifer smiled, "Good night Loki."

Much to the trickster's surprise, she bent down a little and kissed him on the forehead. He blushed like a schoolgirl and stammered out a "good night". Bruce tapped his foot impatiently and Jennifer walked off to her guestroom. When she was gone her cousin turned on Loki.

"I expect to know all details."

"Or what?" Loki sneered.

"Oh, I think you know 'what'."

"I see. Alright, well we went to a restaurant and had dinner. Then we took a stroll through Central Park. Nothing evil, nothing dastardly, nobody got hurt."

"Hmmm… okay." Bruce turned around and went to his own bedroom, leaving a snickering Loki behind him.

The truth was, Loki and Jennifer had done as Loki described, but they also encountered a mugger and rescued a poor old lady from having her purse stolen. Bruce wouldn't know about this until the next morning when the tabloids would read: Woman Saved by Aliens! And when Bruce did know that he might just throw a Hulk-sized fit.

**A/N: So, She-Hulk. Did anyone see that coming? Me neither. Weirdest ship ever, but I think I ship it. So anyway, one of the reasons I did Jennifer Walters in this story is because I've been wanting Loki to find a girlfriend in one of these stories and I didn't want to throw in a random or cliche OC because I stink at writing OC's for the MU. Originally this story was going to be titled "Speed Dating" and Loki would go speed dating, but writing that really didn't work out the way I wanted it to, so this happened instead. I'm sorry if you don't know who She-Hulk is or think she is simply the female version of Hulk, honestly she is now one of my favorite superheroes. So anyway, I promise next chapter will be 1. On time; and 2. Feature a idea suggested in the reviews, this time I just really wanted to write one of my own ideas. **

**Suggestions are always welcome as are reviews, favorites, and follows! Thank you to everyone who has done these things so far, you are amazing people who really keep me motivated! :)**


	8. Frozen Yogurt

**A/N: Hi everyone! Thank you for all of the positive reviews and for all of the follows and favorites! I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter, I wasn't sure what y'all would think of me creating a random ship like that. Anyway, many of you have stated that you liked She-Hulk and some even wanted her to become a permanent character in these stories. I don't know if she'll be in every one shot, but I do have some stories planned with her in them. Does anyone have a ship name for her and Loki? I was trying to think of one, but couldn't come up with anything. Oh! This is important, the story idea for today was suggested by dawnieangel76, so many, many thanks to her! If you have an idea for a story leave a review or PM me and I'll see what I can do, okay? Cool. On with the story!**

The Avengers were out on a mission. A terrible, supposedly mythical beast had been released upon some obscure city in the Mid West. Luckily, most of the area was surrounded by crop fields and so no citizens had been injured yet. The monster was a large creature with tusks, matted fur, and blood red eyes. As soon as the Asgardian crown prince arrived on the scene he grimaced.

"I regret to inform you, my friends, that we seem to have found a troll after hibernation." Thor announced.

"Trolls hibernate?" Steve asked.

"Trolls exist?" Natasha countered.

"To both of your questions my answer is affirmative. It would seem this troll woke up and wandered to Midgard… unfortunately for us."

Tony fired up his repulsor rays and aimed them at the troll. "He's big, I've fought bigger!"

Thor wrinkled his nose at the Man of Iron's reference, wondering how he'd heard that particular quote and if Nick Fury knew how much Tony snooped through SHIELD files. He lifted Mjolnir and looked once more to the troll. The beast licked its lips and seemed to smirk at them.

"Any tips, Thor?" Captain America inquired, adjusting his shield on his arm.

"Do not perish." Thor laughed, flying into the air and bringing down his hammer on the monster's back.

An hour later the Avengers stood triumphant above the troll's unconscious body. Thor looked to the skies and requested that Heimdall send the troll off someplace and with a bright beam of light the monster vanished.

"Whew, that was some work out!" Clint sighed, wiping his brow, "It's so hot out too!"

"Good work, Avengers," Steve smiled, "Shall we head back to NYC?"

"Sounds like a plan to me," Natasha grunted, "I wish we'd brought Bruce, Hulk would have made this a much shorter and less sweaty event."

"Eh, we had it handled," Tony shrugged, "Hey, before we go we should get something to help us cool down. Anyone for some fro-yo? There's a place a few blocks from here."

"Tony, when did you have time to find a fro-yo place?" Clint asked, "Or a shawarma place after the Battle of New York? Why do you know about all of these random eating places?"

"JARVIS tells me whenever I fly past a place that might have good food." Tony shrugged.

"Anything frozen sounds good to me." Natasha decided, pulling some of her red hair back from her sweating face.

"Fro-yo?" Steve and Thor asked.

"Frozen yogurt," Tony explained, "You'll love it."

The superhero team wandered down a dusty road and found the eatery Tony had described. Across the roof bright orange letters named the building as "Orange Leaf". Tony opened the door to the building and clomped in wearing his Iron Man suit. The cashier turned to the group with a smile.

"Welcome to Orange Leaf, how may I help y…" The teenager caught sight of the group before him and raised his eyebrows in shock, "Uh… I mean, how may I help you all?"

"Five yogurt cups please." Tony smiled back.

"Have you ever been to Orange Leaf before?" The boy asked, handing over five empty paper cups.

"No we have not." Steve answered.

"Alright, well you fill your cup with yogurt over there," He gestured to the dispensers along the bright orange tiled wall, "Then you come over here and add as many toppings as you'd like. Then I'll weigh it for you and you pay by the ounce, sound good?"

"Most excellent," Thor nodded, "Though I may need a bigger cup."

The cashier handed him a slightly bigger one. "This is the jumbo size."

"Thank you mortal." Thor nodded, approaching the yogurt dispensers eagerly.

Captain America surveyed the multiple flavors before him and finally decided on peppermint. He filled the cup in his hand nearly to the top and then piled on blue and red sprinkles, creating a treat that shared the color palette of his uniform. He waited expectantly for his team.

Iron Man clanked over to the dispenser that was labeled "Toffee Coffee" and filled up his cup half way. He added a few pieces of candy on top of the treat and joined Steve by the check out.

Clint nervously followed Natasha and whispered to her. "This situation is much too similar to the situation in Manila for my liking."

"Oh come on Clint, it's yogurt," Natasha smirked, "Besides, it's much more like that time in Tokyo."

Clint snorted and filled his dish with "Mango Strawberry Banana" yogurt and then piled lots of sprinkles on top and, when no one was looking he added a spoonful of gummy bears as they were his secret favorite candy.

Natasha selected pistachio flavored frozen yogurt and left it completely plain except a sprinkling of fruit. She waited with the rest of the guys and watched in amusement as Thor tried to decide on a flavor. The thunderer looked completely baffled by the wide array of flavors that the establishment had available.

"Thor, you can pick more than one flavor and mix them." Tony sighed tiredly.

"Ah! This is good news!" Thor declared happily. He took a visit to each of the dispensers and finally came to one called "Cotton Candy" and his eyes widened hungrily. His dish was already filled past the top, but that didn't stop the blonde from yanking down the lever and releasing a torrent of fro-yo into his cup. The cashier's eyes widened in horror as the yogurt began to overflow onto the floor. Thor looked panicked and tried to return the lever back to its original position. The lever didn't budge no matter how hard he yanked on it. The flood of frozen yogurt continued to flow. Steve, being the kind man he was, attempted to help his friend, but even with both men pulling on it the lever would not go back. Iron Man rolled his eyes and went to help them. All three heroes managed to make the lever budge an inch, but yogurt still spewed onto the floor. Clint and Natasha exchanged sarcastic eyerolls and then went to help. Even with all of them pulling the lever wouldn't move. The cashier worriedly went into the back room to get his manager.

"Come on! We defeated a troll you guys, we can do this!" Tony gasped.

"Shut up Stark and push!" Clint groaned, trying to get better footing and instead stepping in a puddle of the cotton candy flavored treat. The archer slipped in the puddle and fell on his face. Natasha took a moment to laugh, but Clint angrily grabbed her ankle, forcing her to join him in the yogurt ocean on the floor. On her way down the assassin grabbed the captain's arm, pulling him along with her. Steve, by instinct, grabbed the nearest thing and managed to pull Tony down with him. This was the most horrifying prospect of the pile up as Tony was still wearing his heavy armor.

"Ow!" Natasha yelped as the billionaire landed on her stomach.

"Sorry!" Tony snapped.

"Friends, I've got it!" Thor shouted, giving a final heave and effectively breaking the lever off. On the bright side, the yogurt stopped spilling onto the floor. With a final burst of yogurt, which landed on Steve's head, the machine died down.

"Excuse me," A strict voice called from behind them. They turned to see the manager of the establishment and the teenaged cashier beside her, "What are you doing?"

"The machine was stuck." Thor told her.

"Uh huh, I'm sure it was Goldilocks, but I'm gonna have to ask you all to leave." She put her hands on her hips and frowned down upon them with the most wrathful scowl they'd ever witnessed.

"I can pay for the machine." Tony offered.

"You will pay for the machine and you will pay for all of the yogurt both on the floor and the stuff you meant to buy anyway. Oh, also…" She threw a mop at Thor, the only one standing, "You'll clean up this mess!"

"Yes ma'am." Steve grumbled from the floor, under Clint's elbow.

After the Avengers had risen from the floor and mopped the mess up they weighed their cups of yogurt (Thor's was incredibly expensive as he added a huge pile of every topping) and payed for everything. They took their frozen treats outside and sat on a bench. They all took a moment to catch their breath and then began ravenously eating their yogurt.

The Avengers that were originally from earth knew the precise pace at which to eat frozen treats to prevent brain-freezes, however Thor did not know what a brain-freeze was. The Asgardian ate with such speed it made his companions wince. He paused for only a moment and then yelled in agony.

"My mind is under attack by a thousand frost giants!" He shrieked, falling to his knees and clutching his head. Clint deftly caught Thor's yogurt before it could hit the ground and spill, but Thor was still in a state of panic. "What sorcery is this violence?!"

"Calm down buddy, it's just a brain-freeze," Tony snickered, "You've just got to eat slower."

Thor grit his teeth in pain and then stopped. "Ah! The frost giants have released me from their icy hold! I shall finish my treat now." He took his yogurt and sat down on the bench calmly. He began eating once more with a blissful expression on his face. The others all rolled their eyes and went back to their own fro-yo. Five minutes later Thor was screaming once more.

"My brain has frozen once more! Cease your attack, Jotuns! I have done nothing to you!" Thor pulled at his hair and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Thor, you've just got to slow down." Steve instructed.

Once the brain-freeze cleared and Thor had returned to his munching, he somehow managed to get all of the remaining treat in one spoonful and then get it all in his mouth at once. The pain was evident on his face as tears welled in his eyes. Frozen yogurt dribbled out of his mouth slightly and he screamed, spewing the dairy product everywhere.

"_Mine brain_!" He bellowed, causing the building behind them to shake slightly.

"Oh brother," Natasha rolled her eyes.

"He never learns." Tony shook his head sadly.

"Serves the guy right." Clint commented.

"Let's not let him ever try that Ice Bucket Challenge." Steve said dryly.

"Friends, why do you not assist me when I am clearly dying?!" Thor wailed.

"You aren't dying," Tony sighed, "You just ate your fro-yo to fast."

"Never have I been so assaulted by my food! I shall never consume such provisions again!" His face suddenly was calm, "Ah, nevermind. The pain has gone."

Several eyerolls and hours later the team was back in New York City with a pint of fro-yo for Bruce and Loki to have since they missed out on the antics at Orange Leaf.

"What is this concoction?" Loki sniffed airily, holding the pint of yogurt aloft.

Bruce smiled. "That was nice of you guys to bring us back a treat, but I'm lactose intolerant." The doctor went off to do whatever he did during the day and left the little tub of yogurt with the trickster.

"Brother!" Thor boomed, "You must try this fro-yo!"

"Fro-what?"

"Frozen yogurt! It is most delicious," He got a mischievous glint in his eyes, "And it is best when you devour it as fast as possible."

Loki eyed the mint flavored food warily. "Oh?"

"Indeed."

"Alright then…" Loki got out a spoon and ate a huge scoop of the frozen treat.

Thor was expecting some sort of gasp of pain or shout of anger when his brother devoured the yogurt, but Loki smiled contentedly.

"By Yggdrasil!" The trickster sighed, "That is the most delicious food to have ever touched my taste buds! The Midgardians are normally incompetent fools, but it was genius of them to create frozen cream!"

Thor raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "What? You feel no pain?"

Loki froze in place and swallowed nervously. "Why? What did you put in this frozen yogurt?"

"Nothing, but when I ate it my brain felt as if it had been turned to ice!"

Loki took another huge scoop of the treat and ate that as well. "Perhaps you should try it again." He scoffed.

"Fine," Thor took an enormous scoop and placed it in his mouth. He screamed and held his brain in pain once more, "Nay," he moaned, "It is no better this time!"

Loki laughed heartily. "I didn't think it would be. After all, I _am_ a frost giant. Frozen food is quite refreshing to me."

And that was how Loki came to love fro-yo and Thor came to have an aversion to frozen treats of every kind. He never touched frozen yogurt again.

**A/N: Mmm, this made me really hungry for fro-yo. Announcement time! I wrote two stories today, but the other one isn't quite ready for reading yet (it needs a bit of editing) hopefully I can get it finished and have it posted today, cool beans? It's kind of a short one, which is why I want to put it with this one instead of just having it be next week's story. I hope you enjoyed Thor's first trip to get frozen yogurt, please suggest any ideas you have for a future story because you guys are so funny and I love to write your ideas! :) See ya later!**


	9. Fan Fiction

**A/N: So, the original idea for this oneshot was suggested by DragonGirl223, who is very sweet. Thank you so much for the idea, I kind of tweaked it, but I think it still conveys the idea. I hope I did it justice. Anyway, this one isn't really about the Asgardians so much as all of the Avengers, but Thor still plays a big role in it so... yeah. Enjoy and I'll see you next Tuesday! **

Tony Stark sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, clutching his expensive phone and attempting to hold in giggles. Bruce, who was cooking, glanced over at his friend and scowled slightly. Tony seemed to always be on his phone, at breakfast, outside, in the bathroom, during movies, and wherever else he could.

Steve, who was sitting beside Tony at the counter rolled his eyes, grabbed the cell phone and put it out of the billionaire's reach. Tony, like a child deprived of his favorite toy, scrunched up his face and pouted.

"What was that for?!"

"Dr. Banner is making us all a nice pancake breakfast and all you can do is sit there playing on your little computer. Don't you know how to show respect to people?" Steve asked.

"No, uh, actually I don't so give me my phone back." Tony crossed his arms.

Clint and Natasha, who had been sitting on the other two stools at the breakfast bar, gave each other smirks and picked up Tony's phone. Black Widow scrolled through what Tony had been looking at and Clint made a loud snorting noise.

"You were reading this trash?" Natasha asked.

"It's not trash! It's hilarious." Tony protested, reaching for his phone.

Clint took the phone. "Why the heck would you want to read _fanfiction_? It's full of errors, cliche, and always degrading to the people its about!"

"Yes, the degrading part is why I'm reading it!" Tony snickered, "I'd never read one about myself, but one about Clintasha maybe…"

"Clinta-what?" Natasha asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You seriously don't know what Clintasha is?" Tony asked as Bruce served them all a plate of pancakes. The billionaire stuffed his mouth with a huge bite of pancake, "Sheesh, and I thought Thor was ignorant."

Thor, who had been searching the fridge for syrup, glared at Tony angrily. "I am not ignorant! Now, inform me what this fiction of the fans is."

"It's when fans write about fictional characters or celebrities and make them do whatever they want in their stories. It's usually pretty weird stuff, but it can sometimes be entertaining." Tony answered.

"So they are bards who write false accounts about people? In Asgard we would punish a bard that invents rude and fake stories! Why is it allowed on Midgard?"

"Freedom of speech." Steve answered, digging into his own pancakes.

"What a revolting idea…" Loki drawled from the doorway as he stepped into the kitchen, "If I was ruler of this pathetic planet I would forbid such a destible idea."

"Then it's a good thing you aren't ruler, 'cause this story is hilarious." Tony said, finally managing to wrestle the phone away from Clint.

The archer had read a few paragraphs of the story and was greatly disturbed by what he had found. "That story was disgusting! How can you read something so obviously wrong?"

"Pssh, you're just offended because it's telling the truth that you would never admit," Tony scrolled through the story and came to line and laughed loudly, "I mean, listen to this: 'Clint gazed deeply into Natasha's eyes and the whole world seemed to fall into place…' Ain't that the truth!"

Clint and Natasha remained stoic, but Loki smiled evilly. "And here I thought Agent Romanoff was so determined that love was for children. Aparently not everyone thinks so."

Natasha was about to lash out angrily at the trickster, but then an evil expression grew on her own face and she pulled out her own phone. She hit a few buttons and then began to read aloud: "Oh yeah, well take a look at this Mr. High-and-Mighty. 'Sif had never felt this way about anyone before, not even Thor. It was at that moment that she knew she and Loki were meant to be - even if he was a frost giant and it meant giving up everything to be with him.' What do you think of that?"

Loki's eyebrows arched angrily. "What foolish mortal wrote that? Do they have a death wish?"

"It's not so funny when it's happening to you, is it?" Clint asked, crossing his arms.

Rather than respond, Loki snatched the phone from the super assassin and with a few flicks of his wrist he was leering once more. "I much prefer this story and I think Agent Barton will too. 'How could they possibly be together? With their lives as SHIELD agents ripping them apart at every moment how could Steve and Natasha ever be anything more than coworkers? How could Captain Rogers express how he truly felt about her? And how could the Black Widow ever admit to loving him?'"

"Hey don't bring me into this!" Steve yelped nervously.

Clint raised an eyebrow and everyone could plainly see that he disapproved of the words that had been read aloud. "Oh come on, that story is a load of bologna!"

Natasha blushed slightly and tried not to meet his eyes. "Absolutely." She said uncomfortably.

"As if the stories about Natasha and Steve are unusual! Ha! I've seen at least one story that pairs Black Widow with almost everyone," Tony chuckled and began listing on his fingers, "There's Romanogers, which is Natasha and Steve, Clintasha, which is Natasha and Clint, Black Hulk, which is Natasha and Bruce, Black Tie, which is Natasha and Coulson, Iron Widow, which is Natasha and me, Thortasha, which is Natasha and Thor, and my personal favorite: Black Ice." He didn't elaborate as to who that couple was, giving the team a second to think of possibilities. The first person to get it was Thor who laughed heartily.

"Loki and Natasha? By Odin's beard what a humorous couple that would make!"

Loki grew even paler than he already was and then turned bright red with anger. "Who in the nine realms would have the audacity to even suggest such a thing?!"

Natasha looked like she was going to be sick. "Ew, seriously? They've paired me with all of you guys _and_ Coulson _and_ Loki? There is something wrong with their minds."

"I know! Isn't it great?" Tony giggled, eating more pancakes.

After the fanfiction fiasco at breakfast the Avengers and Loki all attempted to avoid each other as much as possible, as none of them liked thinking about the traumatic things they had heard. Tony was the only one who didn't seem phased by any of it and all of the others were greatly irked by this.

Finally, Thor called a meeting of his friends and his brother in the library (a room Tony had never ventured into). Tony was not invited to this meeting. Once everyone had arrived and tried not to make eye contact with anyone, scared of what fanfiction may have been written about it, Thor sat down in one of the cushy chairs and steepled his fingers.

"My friends, Stark seems to feel no embarrassment toward the subject of this fiction of fans, while we all seem to be disturbed by it. Are their any suggestions as how to fix this?" Thor asked diplomatically.

"Kill Stark?" Steve grumbled.

"No, I have a better idea," Loki grinned, "Force him to destroy all of the fanfiction in the world using his hacking skills and then we kill him."

"Brilliant, how should we get him? Knives, guns, scepters, Mjolnir, arrows, shields, Hulk, or his own repulsor rays?" Natasha asked cheerfully.

"I'm personally a fan of letting the Hulk loose on him." Bruce put in.

"We could lock him in a room and suck out all of the oxygen and watch him on the security camera as he slowly suffocates." Clint offered.

"Why not push him out the window and make it look like he fell?" Steve asked.

"It won't work," Loki put in, "I've tried that before," Everyone gave him a curious, slightly afraid look, "During the Battle of New York I threw him out the window and he summoned his suit before he hit the ground." Loki explained.

"I say we barbeque him with lightning." Natasha suggested, looking to Thor.

"Friends, is killing him really the answer?" Thor asked.

"Yes." Everyone replied.

The thunderer shrugged. "Alright, then let us do it in a truly painful way… let Stark die of embarrassment."

An hour later Tony was puruseing the fan sites and came across a story that was labeled: _The Ultimate Avenger's Fic_. Normally he was smart enough not to fall for click bait like that, knowing it would generally be pretty lame stuff, but for some reason he just couldn't pass it up. He clicked, he read, he blushed, and he turned off his phone. The other Avengers and Loki giggled from where they watched. They'd never seen him so embarrassed before.

For the rest of the day Tony made no appearance. He hid away in his labs and wouldn't even come out for lunch or dinner. This suited everyone else just fine. As the days passed, Tony slowly rejoined society, but he never went to another fan site again. The story he'd read had ensured that... just as Thor and his friends had planned.

* * *

_**The Ultimate Avenger's Fic - by the Avengers (except Tony) and Loki**_

_All the events of this story are true and should be taken with all seriousness, should you request proof simply ask and you shall receive photographic evidence. _

_Tony Stark has a dark and incriminating secret known only to a few. From this day forward, let the world know his hidden side: Stark owns a small plush bear which he keeps under his pillow! Every night he embraces the bear and kisses it goodnight in a manner similar to that of a five year old child. Should you request the title of this plush comfort object one might tell you that Mr. Stark has deemed the bear: Chippy Choo. The codename for this bear, that is the name Stark uses to refer to it when he doesn't wish for people to hear him utter the words "Chippy Choo", is The Furry One. _

_Do what you will with this velutinous secret regarding Anthony Stark and his beloved plush teddy bear, Chippy Choo._

**A/N: Um... yeah. I'm not sure what twisted parts of my mind that last bit came from, but I hope you thought it was entertaining. Originally I was just going to have everyone guess what kind of terrible story the Avengers and Loki had posted about Tony and not actually write anything for that, but I read it to my siblings and they thought I should write something. Well there you have it, funny or not. Please leave a review, a suggestion, or favorite/follow! Thanks for reading, I'm always open to suggestions for Asgardian craziness! :)**


	10. Lawn Mower

**A/N: Happy Tuesday everyone! Welcome back to the Education of Asgardians, the story where I make Thor, Loki, and occasionally some of the other Avengers do silly things because... fanfiction! Today I've decided to bring back She-Hulk because it was convieniant and some of you wanted to see her in more stories. The story suggestion came from Earial13 and I thought it would be super fun to do. Thank you everyone who suggested an idea, I can't wait to get to some of yours and hopefully do them justice. Any more ideas would be lovely. :)**

In the cement jungle that was New York City there were not many lawns to be found. If you wanted grass you went to a park. However, Jennifer Walters (aka She-Hulk aka Loki's love interest) lived just out of the city where lawns were lush and growing. Jen was renting a lovely little house in Queens and the yard was becoming overgrown from lack of mowing. The lawyer was always much too busy to get out and mow the yard herself. Eventually the yard got so ridiculously long that Jen's neighbors began to complain. Their complaints didn't change the fact that she still barely had time to sit down in the evenings and eat her dinner - let alone do some gardening.

So, who do women turn to when they don't have time to mow their own lawns? Their boyfriends of course. Jen got home from an exhausting day in court and flopped down onto her couch. She was big, green, and tired, but that lawn needed mowing. Picking up her cell phone, Jen dialed her cousin, Bruce Banner. After two rings he answered.

"Hey Jen," The doctor greeted, "What's up?"

"Hi Bruce," Jen said tiredly, "Say, what's Loki up to lately?"

On the other end of the line Bruce wrinkled his nose. "Why?"

"Oh come on Bruce, I can hear the disgust in your voice. Don't be like that. I was hoping my _boyfriend _could come over tomorrow and mow the lawn while I'm at work."

"I could mow it for you…"

"Nope." Jen snickered.

"Why not?"

"Because I was thinking that I'd come home for my lunch break and he and I could have a picnic date."

Bruce sighed heavily. "I'm assuming you want to talk to him?"

"Would you mind handing the phone to him?" Jen smirked.

A few grunts and minutes later another voice answered the phone. "Who dares to disturb Loki of Asgard?!" Loki snapped.

"Jennifer Walters of Midgard requests your services, oh Tricksie One." Jen thundered back, holding in giggles.

Loki almost dropped the phone she said it so loudly. He quickly recovered with a smooth smile, even though she couldn't see it. "My dearest Jennifer!"

"Hey Loki, sorry I 'dared to disturb' you if you're busy, I just had a quick question."

"I'm never too busy for you. How are you?"

"Tired. I've had quite an interesting case for this guy with spikes growing out of his arms. Someone is trying to sue him for frightening some children he walked past. Clearly it isn't his fault, but it's a tough case to argue," Jen yawned a little, "How's life with Earth's Mightiest Heroes?"

"Tolerable, though since you've last visited Thor has gone through five toasters and broken two laundry machines. Stark has been irritating to no ends, Barton has eaten most of the food in the refrigerator, and Romanoff accidentally punched a hole in the gym wall." Loki groaned.

"And how's Bruce?"

"Your charming cousin asked me to help him with an experiment a few days ago. Hoping to get on his good side, I stupidly agreed. As a result of his dislike for me and my idiocy I now have an aversion for chocolate chip cookies."

"Oh dear, what was wrong with the cookies?"

"I'm not certain, but currently my hair is as blonde as Thor's."

Jen laughed for a moment, with Loki silently fuming on the other end of the line. Once the jade giantess had finished laughing she remembered her purpose for calling Loki in the first place. "The reason I called you was to ask a favor."

"Anything for you, milady." Loki smiled.

"Would you mind coming over tomorrow to mow the lawn for me? I've got to work and the neighbors are complaining about my yard. I was thinking that we'd have a picnic afterward, during my lunch break."

"Consider it done. What time shall I arrive tomorrow?"

They discussed the details for a while and then chatted some more. As they said their farewells Bruce snatched the phone away from Loki and said his own goodbye to Jen. Then the scientist hung up and walked away from the Asgardian. Loki rolled his eyes and then went in search of Iron Man.

Tony Stark was in his laboratory, fiddling with a small robot, when Loki found him. Tony glanced up from the robot and stared at Loki's hair.

"What happened to you?"

"I invoked the wrath of Dr. Banner, and found out that he doesn't always turn into the Hulk when he's angry," Loki picked up a screw driver and examined it, "Stark, might I ask you a question?"

"Uh huh…" Tony mumbled, picking at a circuit board on the robot.

"What does it mean to 'mow the lawn'?"

"It means you cut the grass in a yard with a lawn mower. Why?"

"Jennifer has asked me to come to her house and mow the lawn to appease her rude neighbors. What is a 'lawn mower'?"

"Hold on just a second, _you_ are going to go mow a lawn? Like, do actual work and get covered in grass stains and sweat and all that? You?"

"Yes, why not?"

"It just doesn't seem like something you'd do, even for your girlfriend." Tony shrugged.

"In any case, what is a 'lawn mower'?"

"A machine for cutting grass. It can either be one of the push-mowers where you walk around and push an engine and spinning blade across the yard on wheels or a riding-mower which is the same thing, except you ride on it like a tractor. I've never actually done it, but I wouldn't be surprised if Cap has. You could ask him."

Loki nodded and rode the elevator up to the penthouse, where he found Steve polishing his shield. Captain America gave Loki his customary scowl as a greeting. He set down the polish and flipped the shield into the air - no doubt in some kind of hollow threat.

"Hello Captain Rogers," Loki smiled as sincerely as he could, looking a bit like the Joker, "I had a question Stark told me you might be able to answer."

"What?" Steve snapped.

"How do you mow a lawn?"

The good captain blinked in surprise, that was not the question he was expecting. Perhaps something about the weakness of human beings or the frozen waffle status.

"Um, you push the mower over the grass until it's all the same height."

"Well that sounds so simple even a child could do it! I don't know what I was worried about. Stark made it sound as if it was complex." Loki laughed, leaving before the captain could explain anything else about the art of mowing the lawn.

* * *

When Loki arrived at Jen's house he was already tired from biking the whole way there, but that would not stop him from completing the mowing action to the best of his abilities. Jen was stuffing papers in her briefcase when he knocked on the door. She flashed him a quick smile and put a few more things in the case.

"Good morn to you, Jennifer." Loki smiled at her. His hair had been washed enough times by now that it was no longer blonde, just kind of a weird gray color.

"Hey there, the mower is in the shed out back, it's full on gas and ready to go. If there is an emergency you can call me from the landline in the kitchen. I'll be back at noon, okay?"

"Sounds lovely, have a good day at work and don't worry about a thing."

She gave him a worried look. "Are you sure you can do this? It's a big yard and I…"

"Jennifer, I am a _god_. Cutting the grass will be a simple task."

She laughed and bent to give him a kiss on the cheek. "If you say so. I'll see you at noon!"

"Farewell!"

"Bye!"

Jennifer adjusted her suit jacket over her green skin and got into her car. As she drove off Loki waved with a smile plastered on his face. Once she was out of sight he spun on the heel of his boot and found his way to the back yard. The grass came up to his knees and wildflowers grew everywhere. Large trees shaded the yard and nearly hid a crumbling shed from view. The whole scene resembled something out of a fairytale book and Loki wondered why the neighbors were complaining. He waded over to the run-down shack and tried the door. It was locked by a heavy padlock.

After a moment of thought Loki used his Asgardian/Jotun strength to simply rip the lock off and fling open the doors. A large spider web covered the entire doorway, but Loki didn't see it until he'd walked straight into it. He squealed like a young girl and swiped at the stringy web.

"Aaah! Get it off! Back, back you beast!" Loki ordered, twirling around through the web. Once he realized it wasn't going to hurt him he grunted impatiently and straightened his vest, "Right, just a cobweb. Where is that blasted mower of lawns?" He spotted a device in the far corner of the shed that looked like what Stark had described as a "push mower". A few broken lawn chairs, a twisted old bike body, a rake, and a shovel blocked the path, but rather than pick them up Loki just gripped the mower's handle and tried to yank it through the mess. Everything fell off of the lawn mower in a loud clatter. One shovel fell against an old wooden shelf and knocked a terracotta pot off, which Loki lunged to catch. The pot landed in his hands, but it slipped through his fingers and crashed onto the wooden floor.

"Oh that's just brilliant." He murmured, shoving the broken pot pieces aside with a sweep from his boot. He finished pulling the lawn mower through the rubble and into the yard. It nearly disappeared under the grass. The Asgardian kneeled to examine the device and found only one button. He pushed it, but nothing happened. He held the button for a little while and still nothing happened. He kicked the machine lightly and _still_ nothing happened. He found a cord on the side and recalled a dance move Stark had once shown him called "Starting the Lawn Mower" that name never held any meaning before, but now Loki wondered if…

The Asgardian gripped the cord's handle and pulled it back gently. He heard the motor starting a little, but it did nothing more than purr. Maybe if he pulled harder. Using all of his strength he yanked the cord, holding down both bars, and the lawn mower roared to life. The cord snapped off of the mower, but he'd deal with that later. For now the mower was going and he fully intended to mow. He pushed the mower over a patch of grass and the blades of the mower chopped the greenery with satisfying speed. He cut down more parts of the yard, leaving uneven and splotchy looking work. He didn't care, he was too busy mowing.

Soon he got into a sort of rhythm. All was going well until he came across a stick in the yard. Figuring he could go right over it and turn it into woodchips, he ran over the stick. There was a disturbing _clunk_ noise and the stick flew out from underneath the mower and right toward Loki's face. Ducking quickly, the stick flew over his head and embedded itself in the wall of the shed. He swallowed nervously and made sure to swerve around any other sticks he saw.

Loki finished the backyard in the time of an hour and left behind very shoddy work. He was proud of his mowing skills and went on to try the front yard. As he forced the mower over the tall grass he started to daydream about the lovely picnic he and Jen would have when he finished. He was no longer paying attention to the yard as he worked and some petunias faced the spinning death-blades of the mower of lawns, as well as a few pieces of litter, which were shredded and spread over the whole yard. He kept on going and bumped a garden gnome, which fell over and broke it's head open on a brick decoration. Loki continued his mow of terror nonetheless. As he was daydreaming he forgot to keep a look out for sticks and a rather large one found its way into his path. The mower did a decent job of chewing up the stick and leaving the remains in the yard, but one splinter was ejected from beneath the mower and shot toward the distracted Asgardian. The wood piece sunk into the flesh of Loki's index finger and he howled in pain. He finished the last strip of grass and then shut the mower off.

"Ow!" He hissed, looking at the drop of blood squirting from his finger. He sucked on the wound in hopes to pull the splinter out that way, but to no avail. A tear threatened to fall from his eye, the pain was so great.

As he lamented the certain amputation that would have to be performed on his poor finger Jennifer's car pulled up and she got out. The sight before her was hard to understand. Her front yard was covered in shredded, paper, flowers, sticks, and garden gnomes. The grass was a mess and very uneven in places. Her boyfriend was kneeling on the ground, clutching his finger and muttering darkly.

"Loki? What happened?" She asked, wondering if he'd managed to cut off his finger or something equally terrible.

"An injury has been inflicted upon me by the accursed mower of lawns!" He grimaced, holding out his finger for her to see.

A tiny little splinter poked up from his the pad of his finger and there was a single drop of blood. She-Hulk put her hands on her hips in a mocking sort of way.

"You poor baby," She cooed, "You got a boo-boo."

Loki's eyes darkened. "Jennifer! This is serious! I could bleed to death from this wound, or be infected, or any number of terrible things could happen! Do you think they'll have to amputate?"

"Loki, you're being silly! It's just a splinter. Here, lemme see." She grabbed at his finger, but he pulled away defiantly.

"No, no! I think it would be better if a physician took a look at it."

"Loki Laufeyson, you are being a child!" She-Hulk pulled some tweezers out of her purse, "Here, I can take it out right now."

"Are you a trained medical professional?" Loki sniffed arrogantly, "I think not."

"Would you rather we drive all the way back into the city and have Bruce take a look at it? Hmmm? You really want _him_ to look at it?"

"Well no, but…"

She reached again for his hand but he pulled away. Fed up with his immaturity, Jen tackled him and wrestled his finger into the sunlight so she could see it. Without any ceremony, she grabbed the splinter with her tweezers and yanked. It came right out. Jen released him and dusted the grass cuttings off her skirt.

"Was that really so bad?"

Loki muttered something under his breath about "rudeness" and "infections" and then he dusted himself off. "No, it wasn't as… horrifying as I thought it would be. Still, do the world a favor and never become a nurse."

"Deal. Now, let's talk about my lawn."

Loki beamed, very proud of the work he'd done. "Yes? What about it?"

"You know, I saw some of the damage you caused during the Battle of New York, but that's nothing compared to what you did to my front yard," Jen whistled, fully taking in the mess he'd made, "What did you do? Call up the Chitauri and ask them for an encore?"

The trickster winced and his face fell. "So, you don't like it?"

Seeing the despair on his face she decided to cut him some slack. She smiled at him. "I've always liked the abstract look," He smiled back and they both laughed, "I think all of your hard work merits some food, eh?"

They took some food from the inside of the house and set a blanket out in the back yard. Jen winced at the weird patches where Loki had swerved to avoid sticks. It was a mess. She sighed happily, Loki could make a mess out of everything and frankly, she found it adorable.

"Is that a stick jutting out of the shed wall?"

"Yes, that one nearly took off my head, but I ducked just in time." Loki explained. He continued to tell the dangerous tale of his first lawn mowing experience and Jennifer listened with rapt attention. The most important thing was that the lawn was mowed and everyone was still in one piece - also, that they had some lovely cake for dessert. Really, cake was the most important thing to them... besides each other.

**A/N: Well that got really cheesy right there at the end. Oh well. One last thing before I go, does anyone have a ship name for Jennifer and Loki? I just thought I'd ask. :) Have a good week!**


	11. Phone

**A/N: I know it's not Tuesday, but I wanted to make a quick announcement. So I was going to write a quick story to go with my announcement, but I got going and I wrote this really random story. In any case, my announcement is that I've gotten quite a few lovely suggestions for Jennifer x Loki ship names and so I made a poll for them on my profile. Please go vote on it, or if you don't have an account leave me a review about which one you like the most. :) Well, enjoy this surprise Saturday story! I'm not sure where this even came from...**

Loki had procured a cell phone. No one knew where he had gotten it from, and no one really wanted to know (with the exception of Nick Fury). The only thing they _did_ know was that Loki had been up texting all night long. Avengers Tower was large enough that no one had to share a room, but they were all on the same floor and all through the night they heard the mischief maker chuckling and tapping away at the screen of his new phone.

In the morning Loki emerged, still texting, and chuckling. The Avengers were in the kitchen, each preparing their own breakfast. They stared at him as he stared at the phone for a moment and then mouthed the letters "L", "O", and "L", and then proceeded to type these letters in response to whatever text he had received. He glanced up at Tony for a minute, before hitting send.

"Stark, the term 'LOL' can be used effectively even if one does not truly laugh out loud, correct?" Loki asked.

"Yeah," Tony shrugged, "Why would you care?"

"I'm sending a text message to Jennifer and I've heard it is considered a terrible thing in Midgard to lie to one's significant other, so I want to make sure it is culturally correct," Loki stroked his chin thoughtfully, "Ah, I shall not risk it."

Instead of the simple phrase "LOL", Loki typed: "_Dearest Jennifer, though I did not literally laugh out loud about this most humorous message you sent me, I wish to express to you that I did find your text funny_". He proof read the statement and then sent it. Tony rolled his eyes.

Bruce grumbled something inaudible, but obviously in protest to his NOtp. He continued to mutter and scramble some eggs violently.

"Brother, can I interest you in a bowl of Cheerios?" Thor asked, holding out the yellow box to his brother.

Loki, whose eyes were still glued to the screen, nodded and accepted the box. He began to pour the cereal into the bowl, but missed entirely, leaving a little pile of Cheerios on the counter. Before anyone could stop him, Loki picked up the milk and poured it on top of his little pile. He didn't notice until the milk dribbled off of the counter and into his lap. When the cold white liquid landed on his pants he shot up and glared around him. Finally spotting the milk mess, he sighed and wiped the stuff on the counter into his bowl.

"Are you ever going to get off that phone?" Natasha asked.

"Huh?" Loki asked, once again absorbed with his cellular device.

"Hey Reindeer Games! The stove is on fire!" Tony said, waving his hand in front of Loki's eyes.

"Oh? Splendid." Loki muttered.

"He's obsessed!" Clint whispered, "Completely obsessed!"

Tony shook his head sadly. "I've seen this kind of thing before. It's just like the time we showed Thor how to operate the toaster to cook his poptarts."

Thor, who was standing by his beloved toaster, yelped. "It is not! The toaster is nothing like that worthless device Loki is so addicted to! The toaster and I share a bond!"

"Uh-huh…" Tony smirked, "Back to the phone, will someone take it away from him before he pours milk on _my_ pants?"

"I'm on it." Clint smirked, picking up a rubber band and a toothpick. He took careful aim and then used the rubber band to project the little wooden stake at Loki. The toothpick flew delicately through the air and poked the Asgardian's thumb. While the wood did not hurt him, Loki still jumped in surprise and dropped his phone in the soggy Cheerios in his bowl.

"Hey!" He snapped.

"Eat your breakfast," Natasha commanded, grabbing the phone from the cereal and wiping it off, "Then you can have your cell back."

Loki jabbed the cereal moodily with his spoon and glared at her. He muttered something along the lines of "melwing" and "quim", but ate the soggy oats. When the bowl was half empty he reached for the phone, but the redhaired assassin held it just out of reach.

"Drink the milk," She ordered, "Honestly, do I have to be a mother to all of you?"

Loki gave her the stink-eye and slurped up the milk in the bottom of the bowl. "Are you satisfied now? Hmm?"

"Not really, but a deal is a deal." She tossed the phone into the air and Loki lept to grab it.

Steve crossed his arms. "He really is addicted to that thing, isn't he?"

"Never seen a case so bad," Clint sighed, "Tragic really. First the phone companies get your Asgardians and then they come after your ninety year old super soldiers! You're next Stevey boy."

"No, I'm perfectly fine just using my phone for calling people, thank you very much," Steve declared smugly. Suddenly the room was filled with the tune of the _Star Spangled Banner_ and everyone looked to the captain curiously.

Tony jumped to attention and covered his heart. "I pledge allegiance to…"

"Shut up Tony." Steve muttered, taking out his cell phone and stopping the music. He answered the phone and walked out of the room - his teammates snickering behind him.

* * *

Later that day, the Avengers had just returned from a mission. According to the chore chart it was Loki's turn to have made dinner. The chore chart was the only thing that all of the Avengers and Loki obeyed without question. It kept the tower clean, it kept everyone from killing each other, and it was fair. It allowed for adjustments to be made according to schedule (ie when the Avengers had a mission Loki had more chores to do, but when Loki had a date with She-Hulk or a meeting of his book club the Avengers had more to do). It was designed by Tony to be the most effective chore chart ever and modified by Bruce to be the fairest chore chart ever. No one complained and no one went against the chart.

After a long day of battling some crazed scientist's zombie unicorn army the Avengers were looking forward to some sort of dinner. Loki hadn't mastered the art of cooking yet, but he knew how to reheat leftovers and make canned soup so no one was worried. They expected a little soup, maybe some leftover lasagna, and perhaps some of the fish sticks from the freezer. What they came home to was most disappointing.

Loki was sitting in a reclining chair in the living room - still on his phone. The Avengers didn't really care, until they went into the dining room. On the table, instead of the food they had been expecting sat a loaf of bread and a stick of butter. There wasn't even any water to wash it down with and the table had been set with nothing more than coffee filters for plates and, oddly, steak knives.

Clint was starving and seeing such a pitiful meal in front of him mad him angry. If he'd been Bruce then that table would have been smashed. The archer pulled out his bow and an explosive arrow and aimed into the living room. He swore under his breath.

"This'll teach him!" He muttered, ready to fire the arrow.

"Clint, put that down!" Natasha ordered.

"But Nat," Hawkeye wined, "I'm _soooooooo_ hungry and all that little twerp did was throw out some bread and butter! I've been shooting down zombie unicorns all day, _I need sustenance_!"

"They weren't actually zombies or unicorns," Tony commented tiredly, "They were biochemically engineered to…"

"Shut up Tony." Everyone snapped.

"Please?" Clint begged, "Just one little explosion to get him off that phone?"

"No, we're in enough hot water as it is since we hit Fury's car with that bazuca," Steve mused, "If we get Loki mad and he does something then we'll be blamed."

"I can live with that." Clint claimed.

"I'm not sure about you, but I don't want to be the one to clean up Loki's mess when he throws a temper tantrum."

"Fine." Clint pouted, swapping out the explosive arrow for an arrow that would turn off any electronics within ten feet of it. He fired and it landed next to Loki's chair. With a click the phone went dead and Loki shrieked. He stepped out of the living room and glared at them.

"Oh, so the misfits have returned, have they? And you didn't even eat the meal I labored to prepare for you? You ungrateful fools." Loki scowled.

"You call this a _meal_?!" Clint bellowed, "I've had better food when being held hostage!"

"Loki, the chart says, and I quote: 'prepare a meal that whole team can enjoy'," Tony read off of the chart, "I for one am not enjoying this meal."

"You broke the rules on the chart," Thor said grimly, "This merits punishment, brother."

"Only if you can catch me, Thor." Loki snickered, magically transporting to the elevator (phone in hand), and exiting the floor.

"After him!" Thor shouted, raising Mjolnir.

"I'm too hungry to bother." Tony sighed and the others agreed.

"Pizza, then?" Bruce asked.

* * *

The next day Loki reared his head and began texting again. No one knew who he was texting now because Jennifer was at work by now and the trickster had no friends on Midgard. Or anywhere else for that matter.

When Thor asked him who he was communicating with Loki's only reply was:

"Hush! I'm contemplating important book club business."

Loki never went anywhere without his phone. He took it outside with him, into the bathroom with him, at the dinner table, on his visits to the public library, and even on a date with Jennifer. He was, without a doubt, addicted to his cell phone.

On the fifth day of Loki's cell phone addiction Thor forced his sluggish brother to go out on a bike ride. Before he left, the Avengers searched his person for the phone, but found no trace. He left the building with a devilish grin and they didn't hear from him for an hour. An hour after he had left Tony got a phonecall.

"Hello? This is Tony Stark speaking."

"Stark, hello…" Loki said, "I, uh, I need you to come pick me up."

"Why? Where are you?"

"Jail."

"What happened?!" Tony shrieked, summoning the other Avengers. He put his phone on speaker and they all gathered around.

"You see, I was riding my bike. I had managed to smuggle my cellphone into my helmet and I was texting with it while I rode."

"Texting while driving!" Thor gasped, "I thought you were better than that!"

"I was texting while biking, actually. In any case, I was texting when an old man and his pet poodle got in the way of my bike. I sort of… ran over the dog. The old man and I got in a fight and punches were exchanged. A police officer put us both in a jail cell for disrupting the peace and said we could make one phone call."

"What happened to the poodle?" Steve asked.

"It lived, but it is in intensive care at the veterinary clinic." Loki confirmed.

"I expect you're wanting us to come bail you out." Tony sighed.

"That was the purpose for my call, yes."

"We're on our way." Tony groaned, grabbing his wallet.

When the Avengers arrived at the jail Tony spoke with the clerk and parted with some of his money. He glanced at the old man who had owned the poodle and added a thousand dollars.

"Make sure that guys dog gets the best possible care." He said.

"Will do," The clerk answered, handing Tony a pile of Loki's personal belongings, "Alright, let 'im out." Loki was released into the Avenger's custody and they left the jail. Loki was most relieved to get his phone back.

* * *

That night, Loki was minding his own business, texting on his phone and generally ignoring the Avengers. As he texted the president of the book club back he didn't notice the superhero team file into the living room. The last person to enter the room was Jennifer Walters. She-Hulk gazed worriedly at her boyfriend as he refused to acknowledge anyone's presence.

"He really is addicted isn't he?" She sighed.

"And that's not the worst of it. He's been neglecting his chores all week and he ran over a dog with his bike!" Steve whispered.

"A dog?!" Jennifer shook her head sadly, "We really need to do something."

"My poor brother has been corrupted by this ridiculous Midgardian device!" Thor lamented.

"Loki," Jen called gently, "Hello?" The trickster did nothing, "Loki Laufeyson answer me this instant!"

Loki lazily looked up from his phone and smiled happily. "Oh hello my dear Jennifer! When did you get here?"

"Five minutes ago." Jen frowned.

"Oh." Loki nodded, looking back at his phone.

"It's worse than I thought!" Tony hissed, "He won't even give it up for his girlfriend!"

Bruce would not put up with this. He didn't like Loki dating his cousin in the first place, but if that, that, that _puny god_ was going to neglect her then he would be forced into action. The doctor rose from his seat and forcefully wrestled the phone from Loki.

"Hey, that's mine!" Loki snapped.

"No, a phone is a privilege and you've done nothing to deserve it," Bruce declared, "Sit down and listen to what we have to say."

"Brother, we are doing this because we care about you." Thor comforted.

"And because we can't have you running over any more dogs." Tony commented.

"What is this?" Loki laughed, "An intervention?"

"That's exactly what it is, Loki," Steve said firmly, "You can't go on like this."

"You are completely addicted to that phone!" Jennifer accused.

"I am not! I can quit any time I like… but you had better let me answer that last text first."

Bruce handed the phone to his green cousin and she dangled it far above Loki's head. He jumped for it, but she was too tall. He smirked slightly and crossed his arms.

"Oh come now! This is preposterous. It's just a phone."

"Loki you need to realize that your actions for the past few days have been cause for worry," Jennifer put a hand on his shoulder, "We care about you and we don't want you to be spending all of your time on the phone."

Loki's smirk softened and he met her eyes. "Jennifer, I've just been being social. Was it not you who told me I needed to make more friends?"

"In real life! Not over the phone all of the time!"

Loki sat down on a chair and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Alright, I'll hear you out."

Over the course of an hour they argued back and forth with Loki about why he shouldn't be on the phone so much. He gave convincing arguments, but he'd forgotten that he was arguing with a lawyer (Jennifer) and the king of loopholes (Tony). When the time had come to an end Loki agreed that he would not use his phone so much any more. However, no one believed him as he was the god of lies. When Loki expected Jennifer to hand the phone back she instead snapped it in half.

Loki squealed in protest. "Noooooo!" He picked at the broken halves.

"It's for your own good." Thor told him. Loki nodded sadly.

Jennifer bit her lip nervously. "Loki? You gonna be okay?"

"Uh-huh," He sighed. After a moment he straightened and took a deep breath, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"I think I needed that." The couple hugged and Bruce had to keep from gagging.

In the next few weeks Loki didn't touch another phone. He instead spent his time going to the park and feeding pigeons. Occasionally Thor would join him. That was how the Avengers and She-Hulk broke Loki's addiction to his cell phone.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Remember to go vote on the poll on my profile/review/favorite/follow! :)**


	12. Glass

**A/N: Hi all! I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday, I was going to a surprise party for a friend (she was surprised) and by the time I remembered what day it was (Tuesday) I had someplace else to be and didn't have time to write a one shot. Then this morning I had an interview for an internship and then I did my science schoolwork all afternoon. So, here it is, a day late. I'm not really sure what happened when I was writing this chapter (I didn't get much sleep last night so maybe that has something to do with it), but I've been told that it's funny. Neither of the Asgardians are "educated" in this story, but it's still them experiancing some Midgard culture so I clumped it in here. Anyway, thank you once again for the reviews they are much appreciated! **

It was Natasha Romanoff's birthday. . The only reason any of the Avengers knew this was because Clint had told them so. He had told them that he was planning her birthday party while Pepper took her shopping. It wasn't a surprise party (for who can keep a secret from Black Widow?), but it was a party nonetheless. The afternoon of the day of the party everyone was scrambling to wrap their gifts for the redhaired spy. Everyone except Thor.

The thunderer was hopelessly lost when it came to buying presents, which resulted in his going to ask Iron Man. He found Tony wrapping up a very expensive looking watch.

"Stark," Thor asked hesitantly, "How did you decide on that gift for Agent Romanoff?"

"She's a woman, she likes jewelry. She's a sensible woman, she likes watches. Easy." Tony said, tying a perfect bow on his box.

"Oh," Thor scratched his chin, "What did Dr. Banner get her?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"I have yet to purchase a present for Agent Romanoff."

"You don't have much time, Point Break. Better get one fast."

"But what kind of present should I get?"

"Look around at stores and stuff, if you see something you'll think she likes then get it. If you can't find anything then get a gift card and make her choose." Tony picked up his present and headed out to help decorate the living room.

Thor sighed and retrieved Iron Man's credit card. He grabbed his bike and headed for town. As he rode past shops and vendors he considered what kind of things Black Widow might like. He didn't know her very well, but he was confident that he could find a good gift for her. One store caught his eye and he pulled the brake on his bike. It was a cute little shop that sold china ware and other glass trinkets. Mayhap there was a good gift in there…

The door to the shop opened with a charming jingle and Thor looked around. It was all very delicate. A shop attendant rushed to greet him.

"Hello, can I help you with anything?"

"I am puruseing your store in hopes of finding a gift for a friend." Thor declared.

"What's this person like? Maybe I can make a suggestion."

"She is female…" Thor said.

The shop attendant waited patiently. "Yes?"

"And… is human." He finished confidently.

"Hmm, well what does she like to do?"

"Aaaah…" He thought for a moment about all of the things he'd seen her do, "She likes to go to the gym."

"Okay," The clerk lead him through the shelves of highly breakable things, "Maybe something a bit more sensible, like a bowl?"

"Sensible! Yes! She is sensible." Thor agreed, looking at the delicate glassware.

"Is there anything else you can tell me about her?"

"She has red hair, she is smart, and she can fare well in a battle."

"I mean, what kind of things does she like? Animals? Dance? Flowers?"

"Truly I know not." Thor answered, wishing he had brought Hawkeye along with him. Surely Natasha's best friend knew what she liked.

"Okay, well I'm going to let you look around a little and if you see anything that catches your eye let me know. I'll be right up here if you need me." The clerk walked off to polish some of the wares. Thor was left in a sea of delicate objects. He began to hunt for the perfect gift.

As the large man drifted through the aisles of glass bowls, plates, cups, kitties, and other finery, his cape brushed up against a porcelain ballerina's extended hand and she began to tip. Thor noticed her leaning motion and carefully righted her with a sigh of relief. Nothing had broken.

There was a jingle of bells and another customer came into the store. It was a young woman with bright pink hair and a large wad of bubble gum in her mouth. She snapped the bubble she was currently blowing and looked at Thor with wide eyes. The girl rushed over to him with a large grin. Her elbow tipped a crystal platter and the dish nearly fell to it's doom, but Thor's hand shot out and caught it.

"Whoa!" The girl said, "Like, ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! You're Thor!"

"Yes." Thor smiled, returning the serving platter to its place on the shelf.

"I saw you on TV! You're one of the Avengers!" She flung her hands into the air and smacked a glass flower. Thor's eyes widened and he just barely caught the flower.

"Yes, I am. And you are?"

"Call me Chloe," She suddenly pressed herself to his side and whipped out a phone, knocking over some more porcelain. She attempted to take a selfie with Thor, but he was busy putting the things she had knocked over back on the shelves. The girl pouted her heavily glossed lips, "Oh come on, you missed the picture!" She looked at the glassware in his hands and tossed it aside, creating little piles of shattered glass. Thor winced, but Chole took a picture with him anyways.

"What was that noise?" The clerk asked.

"Nothing!" Chole called, shoving the broken glass under a shelf with her foot. Thor cringed again.

"Perhaps it would be best if we told her…"

"Oh come on! Don't be such a dork, we'd get in trouble." The girl teased.

"Err, it was nice to meet you, Miss Chole, but I really must pick out a present for my friend and be off." He tried to evade the girl, but she clung to his arm and followed him through the store. Thor nervously picked out a piece that he thought Black Widow might like and then shuffled to the counter with Chole still clinging to his arm, "I think I found what I would like to purchase." He told the clerk.

"A nice choice." The clerk nodded, wrapping the piece and handing it back to Thor. The thunderer thanked her and began to exit.

Chole squealed suddenly. "Hey! Can I see your hammer thing?"

Despite all of the uneasy feelings he had about this girl, he couldn't resist a chance to show off Mjolnir. However, he'd left the hammer back at the tower. No problem, he'd just summon it. He called the hammer to him and extended his hand. As Mjolnir came into sight just outside of the store, Thor finally remembered where he was and realised that this would not be a good idea. It was much too late though… the hammer smashed through the window and knocked over two shelves. Thor forgot the hammer and leapt into action. He supported the shelves and sighed when nothing fell off. Things began to slide toward him and he yelped.

"Great blundering bilgesnipe!" A large crystal lamp slid toward him and he braced for impact while Chloe just snapped a picture and blew a few more bubbles with her gum.

"Wow…" She laughed.

"You find this amusing, girl?" Thor asked, snatching a porcelain kitty that was about to shatter on the floor.

"Uh… yeah."

"The least you could do it help me!" He shouted.

"Nope."

Thor groaned and caught a plate. His hands were full with holding up the shelves and the things he'd already caught, but still a box filled with goblets came flying at him. "Oh Odin no!" He whispered in fear.

"Look out!" Chole giggled.

By this time the store clerk had arrived and was rushing to catch the box. She was too late and the box of goblets hit Thor in the head, making him a bit confused. The shelves dipped lower and a tea pot broke on his toe. He grimaced in pain and the shelves shuddered again, depositing the large crystal lamp on his head and effectively knocking him out. The shelves and their fragile contents spilled all over Thor and the clerk gasped. The teenage girl, Chole, had vanished.

When Thor came to he had cuts and scrapes everywhere and there was a shelf on top of him. He moaned and the store clerk came running to him. She crouched low.

"Are you alright? The shelves fell on you! I got most of the glass off and one of the shelves was light enough that it could come off, but that one was too heavy for me."

Thor carefully lifted the shelf off of himself and crawled out on all fours. "Ow." He grunted as one of his cuts began gushing.

"I called an ambulance, they told me to keep you still." The clerk said worriedly.

"I cannot stay, I will be late for Agent Romanoff's birthday party!" Thor protested, brushing some glass shards off of his arm.

"But you have cuts all over!"

"I'll be fine." Thor got up and winced. He picked up the box with the item he'd purchased for Natasha and hobbled out of the store. He put the box in the basket of his bike and wobbly pedaled home. When he arrived at the tower he attempted to take the elevator to the penthouse, but JARVIS informed him that it was out of order.

Thor entered the stairwell and looked up at all of the stairs he'd have to climb to get back to the penthouse floor. He was much too tired to summon Mjolnir (from wherever it had gone) and fly up, so he began walking. By the time he had come to the door of the penthouse he felt like collapsing, which he did - in the kitchen.

Bruce Banner was enjoying Natasha's party with everyone else, a little worried about where Thor had wandered off to, when Tony announced it was time for cake. Bruce had volunteered to go get it from the fridge. When the doctor stepped into the kitchen he saw Thor, cut up and bruised, lying on the floor with his cape wrinkled all around him.

"Thor!" Bruce exclaimed dropping to the Asgardian's side to check for a pulse. He found that Thor's heart was still going and then inspected him more closely, "Is this glass?"

"Hey Banner, what's taking so long with that cake?" Clint called.

"Thor's back!" Bruce answered, "But there's something wrong with him!"

"Ooh! Let me see!" Loki gracefully strolled out of the living room and peered down at his broken and crumpled brother, "It looks like he got in a fight with the Destroyer."

"What happened to him?" Steve asked.

"I don't know! I just walked in the kitchen and found him like this." Bruce explained.

"Poor guy," Natasha cooed, "Bring him in and set him on the couch."

It took Clint, Steve, Tony, and Bruce (Loki refused to help) working together to get Thor into the living room. They couldn't lift him onto the couch, so instead they covered him with a blanket and put a pillow under his head. Then the speculations began.

"I bet he was fighting off some horrible kind of alien!" Tony guessed, "He told me he was going birthday shopping, but maybe he just didn't want to scare us because the aliens were so terrible."

"Nah," Clint shook his head, "He probably fell off his bike again."

"And got that many scratches?" Bruce asked, "Plus where did the glass come from?"

"Maybe he was attacked." Natasha mused.

"With glass?" Steve countered.

"Torture?" Natasha shrugged, "They could have rolled him around in glass shards."

Loki sniffed arrogantly. "A good theory, but no. He was birthday shopping for you." The trickster pointed out a little blue box that Thor was clutching in his hand with a tag that read: _Agent Romanoff, May yours be the happiest of birthdays._

Natasha pried the box out of Thor's hand and opened it. Inside there was a glass bubble containing a beautiful glass black widow. The faux spider was dangling from a delicate glass thread.

"Cool," Tony noted, "But how do you know he got all of his scrapes from birthday shopping?"

Loki flicked out a phone. At first the Avengers protested, remembering how addicted the Asgardian got to technology, but he merely flicked through the pictures and showed them a photo of Thor holding up two shelves laden with glassware. Once the picture had been shown Tony took the phone away from Loki.

"First of all, how did you get your hands on a phone?"

"I have my ways." Loki shrugged.

"Secondly, how did you take these pictures of Thor?"

Loki glimmered a green color for a moment and then looked like a teenage girl, Chloe. "I followed him because I was bored." Just then Thor woke up and spotted who he thought to be the girl who had caused him so much trouble in the glass store.

"You!" He moaned, sitting up, "How did you find me?"

Loki changed back into himself and winked. "Surprised?"

"Loki! You were the ones knocking down all of the glassware?! You are the one who caused me so much pain?"

"Indeed I was. What, did you not enjoy yourself?"

"Loki, did you cause for him to get all these scratches?" Bruce asked.

"I simply requested to see Mjolnir. Thor caused the rest of the problem himself."

"If you would have helped me then…"

"What do you say we open presents now?" Loki asked, producing a little green box from mid air. He offered the box to Natasha and she frowned at him.

"You open it." She commanded, wary of a prank.

Loki shrugged and pulled off the ribbon, opened the box, and took out a small black watch. Black Widow smiled slightly.

"Thank you Loki."

"Happy date of birth, agent." Loki smirked, handing her the watch.

Steve handed over his box next with a blush. "Uh, I didn't realize Loki had gotten you a watch so…" She opened the box and found a red white and blue watch.

"I love it. I can wear it on the Fourth of July." She smiled.

Bruce handed her his present awkwardly. "Um, here."

Natasha opened it and found a purple watch. "Oh, another watch," She smirked, "And in one of my favorite colors too!"

Iron Man handed over his box and Natasha opened it to find another watch, this one red and gold. She was about to say that she liked it when Tony held up his hand. "Wait! It's not like their lame watches, this one comes with…" He pushed a button and an Iron Man mask flew out of a closet and wrapped around her head, "A helmet!"

Iron Widow turned to him and nodded. In a robotic voice she said. "Thanks Tony, this is really cool," She took off the mask and added his watch to the collection on her wrist, "Any more wrist watches?"

"Nope! Not a wrist watch," Clint announced, "I got you this." He held out a box, which contained a necklace watch.

"Really guys? What's with the watches?"

"You're a woman." Loki answered.

"A sensible woman." Steve added.

"A watch seemed… perfect." They all said (except Thor).

"I did not purchase a timekeeping device for you!" The Asgardian prince announced, "But I seemed to have misplaced the present I did get."

"We already found it; I thought it was beautiful," She smiled, "I think I'll hang it in my window."

The rest of the party was pleasant and enjoyed by all. Thor was treated by Dr. Banner after a bite of cake and the god of thunder vowed never to go shopping in a glassware store again. Loki still snickered about the chaos he had caused, but stopped when Thor made him go to the shop and clean up the whole broken mess.


	13. Pet Sitting

**A/N: *sheepish wave* Hello everyone, guess who! Yup, that's right... you're formally absent author has returned after a month of a combination of laziness, writer's block, and Vacation Bible School. I apologize for not writing for so long. I really do have lots of ideas from you guys and my own brain, but sometimes the ideas just don't click with how I want to write and so I get a bit of writer's block. Anyway, today's story idea was suggested by Earial13. Thanks! :)**

Clint Barton, aka Hawkeye, had one thing he cared about in Avengers Tower (besides his good friend Natasha). If one were to go into his room they would find a mess of clothes, pizza boxes, dirty socks, and magazines. There were only two clean spots in the whole room: where he hung his first bow and where he kept Skipper - a goldfish. Skipper was Clint's beloved pet who none of the other Avengers knew about. Clint had intended to keep it that way, knowing Tony would probably do something terrible to the fish if he discovered him. However, the archer needed to tell someone the day he was sent off to Kenya.

Director Fury ordered Clint on a mission for a week and gave him only an hour to pack. Hawkeye wondered who he could trust to feed his poor fish. He decided that Natasha was the best option, but she was going on the mission with him, so that took her off the list. The next best choice was Bruce, but, though he knew Hulk was under control, Clint didn't particularly want to come home to find his fish smashed. Captain America was responsible, but Clint was too embarrassed to ask him to do it and Tony had never even been an option. That left Thor and Loki.

Clint nervously carried his fish bowl down the hall to Thor's room and knocked. The door swung open and Thor greeted his comrade with a smile.

"Hello!"

"Hi Thor," Clint sighed, "Listen, I have a favor to ask…"

"Anything for my teammate!" Thor narrowed his eyes suspiciously, "Unless it involves doing the laundry. If that is the case I will not assist you in any way."

"No, not the laundry. I was wondering if you would watch my pet fish for the week while I'm on a mission. You'd just need to feed him and do a few other simple tasks."

Thor bent and examined the glass bowl filled with water. The fish swam carelessly in a circle. The Asgardian tapped the glass and Clint jerked the bowl away.

"I suppose I can observe your aquatic animal for you. It doesn't seem to need much care. Might I ask Loki to assist me in this endeavor? He would be more likely to remember to feed the creature."

"That's fine just…" Clint rubbed his forehead tiredly, "Don't do to this fish what you did to the washing machine, okay?"

"Understood," Thor nodded grimly, "I will try not to."

"Do or do not, buddy, there is no try! If you kill this fish I am never going to let you have my desert again, in fact I'll probably never speak to you again!"

"Over a fish?"

"This fish means a lot to me!"

"Alright, I shall care for the fish and he shall be alive and well upon your return."

"He better be," Clint growled, "If one scale is out of place…"

Thor grabbed the fish bowl and set it on his desk. "All is well with this fish now and all shall be well by the end of the week, you have my word as Prince of Asgard."

* * *

After Clint left Thor wandered over to Loki's room and flung open the door. Inside the room Loki was reading over an ancient tome with a picture of Earth exploding on the front. He hastily closed the book and put it away when Thor entered the room.

"Is there something I can help you with?" He snapped.

"I need your help in caring for Agent Barton's pet fish."

"His fish?"

"I have been entrusted with the care and keeping of Skipper the Goldfish for this week," Thor declared proudly, "And I am confident he will still be alive by the time Hawkeye returns."

"Doubtful."

"In any case, I require your help to either remind me to feed the fish or feed the fish yourself. Would it bother you terribly to do this?"

"I have nothing better to do." Loki admitted, and so beginning the Asgardian brothers first attempt at pet sitting.

* * *

The week started out well for the pet sitters. Skipper the fish got the right amount of food, his bowl stayed clean, and he showed no signs of illness - not that Thor or Loki would know if he was showing signs of illness. The Asgardians thought that they were doing a pretty good job. Then Loki got bored. Then Loki got an idea. Then everything went downhill…

Thor was carefully counting out food flakes for Skipper when Loki burst into the room holding a book that was labeled: _The Art of Animal Transformation_. Thor took no notice of his brother so absorbed was he in the fish food. Loki snickered and glanced down at the book. After scanning over the page he flicked his wrist in the general direction of the fish bowl, causing it to glow a slightly green color. Once again, Thor was oblivious.

"Careful," Loki warned, "Don't over feed it or something may happen."

"What? His belly may grow too large? I highly doubt that Barton or the fish care if this creature is a little more plump by the end of the week. Besides, I only have to care for it for one more day." Thor scoffed, dropping the food into the fishbowl. Loki took a step back with a wicked grin on his face.

Skipper gobbled down the food and swam around happily. For a blissful second everything seemed fine. Then the spell took effect. The goldfish stopped swimming as his eyes bulged and then grew to the size of marbles. The rest of the fish's body soon followed suit and Skipper was now the size of a Chihuahua dog. The fishbowl was not big enough to hold the large fish and the glass shattered, spilling water and dog-sized-fish everywhere. Thor gasped in astonishment.

"Oh no! I must have fed him too much food!" The Asgardian prince exclaimed, carefully picking up Skipper and rushing to the hall bathroom. Loki watched him go and then burst out laughing.

"Fool," He muttered and then settled down to watch the show.

Thor flung open the bathroom door and flipped open the toilet lid. He dropped Skipper inside the toilet bowl and sighed with relief when the fish began moving again. After only a second of being in the water the goldfish began to grow again. Certain the toilet bowl would only hold Skipper for a moment, Thor turned on the bathtub faucet and filled the tub with water. There was the sound of cracking porcelain and the toilet bowl shattered, leaving Skipper in a heap. He flopped against the tile floor and Thor wrestled the now Golden Retriever sized fish into the tub.

"Fish, grant me a moment to catch my breath before you grow anymore!" Thor begged.

Skipper didn't grow in size, but a few more fins popped out of his scaly back and fangs now glistened in his mouth. Thor winced and wondered if Clint would notice. After two whole minutes the goldfish began growing once more and took on a more serpentine shape. It dawned on Thor that Midgardian fish didn't look like this, that Skipper was transforming into something more Asgardian. But how could that be? Surely fish food alone could not accomplish such a task.

"I believe it is outgrowing the bathtub…" Loki commented dryly, "Perhaps you had better try the swimming pool."

Thor turned his glare on his brother. "You! You are the one who has enchanted the fish!"

"Astounding! I don't know how you figured out it was me - given I am the _only_ magic wielder in the building," Loki laughed, "Absolutely brilliant, Thor!"

Rather than attack his mocking brother, Thor turned his attention back to the growing fish. The swimming pool might actually be a good idea, but how was he to transport the eight foot long, three foot wide fish all the way to the fourteenth floor when he was on the thirtieth? The task was daunting, to be sure, but Thor believed no feat to be impossible for a son of Odin.

"What do you intend to do with your sea monster, Thor?" Loki asked.

"I will take it to the swimming pool as you suggested," Thor's eyes narrowed, "You didn't do anything to the pool did you?"

"What would you do if I did?"

"I have no plan at this moment, but I could easily trap you under Mjolnir whilst I think of one. Does that sound enticing to you?" Thor threatened, beginning to scoop the sea serpent into his arms.

"Luckily, I've done nothing to the pool, however I would not try Stark's hot tub if I were you." Loki warned.

"Good. Now, since you have caused this foul thing to happen to Barton's fish I expect your help in moving it."

Loki suddenly vanished into thin air, leaving Thor with a huge fish in his hands and no idea as to how to get said fish to the pool. He began dragging the animal through the penthouse, toward the elevator. Skipper left a fishy scent behind him and puddles of water all along the floor. As Thor passed Steve's room the captain opened the door, spotted the fish, and promptly closed the door. Most of the other Avengers did the same… excepting Tony Stark.

"Whoa! Point Break, what have you got there, tonight's sushi?"

Thor grunted and adjusted his grip on the fish. "Barton asked me to feed his fish this week and Loki has enchanted the creature. I must move it to the pool before it continues to grow!"

Tony poked the fish like a curious child and then lifted the tail and helped drag Skipper to the elevator. Once they got it in the elevator Thor sighed with relief and pushed the correct button. Tony was examining the fish.

"I didn't even know Hawkeye had a pet!" He poked it, "JARVIS, adjust the pool temperature to whatever temp goldfish like."

"Yes sir."

"Although, it can hardly be called a fish anymore… more like a barracuda with all of those teeth! Is this something you have a lot of on Asgard?"

"Not particularly - I have never seen one, but it does somewhat resemble another sea serpent Loki once created called the Midgardsorm - a creature so large it could encircle the entire earth. Father had to get rid of it by sending it to another galaxy and Loki was very disappointed. I do hope he hasn't created another one."

"A sea serpent so big it could wrap around the earth? Why didn't anyone notice?!"

"Some did, when the Midgardsorm was curled up under water a few humans thought it to be a sunken city and named it Atlantis. The norse guessed a bit closer, thinking it to be Loki's child - that offended him greatly - and they were the ones to name it Midgardsorm, or so I've read."

Tony snickered and looked at the fish's face. "You know, I see the resemblance. Are you sure this isn't Loki's kid?"

Thor didn't have a chance to reply before Skipper surged in size and squished both men against the elevator walls. Tony shrieked and Thor groaned. They rode like that for a while and then the elevator doors opened to the pool level of the building. The fish, the Asgardian, and Tony all flopped out onto the cement floor. A janitor, who had been cleaning the pool, yelped and ran from the room. Thor shoved Skipper into the pool with an enormous splash.

"Is it done growing do ya think?" Tony panted, wiping fish slime off on his pants.

"Not if it is truly a Midgardsorm, not nearly."

"Oh boy," Tony looked out at the creature, which was swimming in circles. It had grown a few feet even since they had put it in the pool, but it seemed to be stopping, "Well maybe it isn't a Midgardsorm?"

"I know not, Stark."

"Sir, Agent Barton has arrived early from his mission and is requesting Mr. Odinson's presence immediately." JARVIS informed them.

"Uh oh," Tony elbowed Thor, "You're in trouble now, Goldilocks."

"Uh oh indeed!" Thor swallowed nervously, "What am I to do?"

"Beg for forgiveness?" Tony shrugged, "Or hunt down your brother and make him put the fish back to normal."

"That is what I must do!" Thor agreed, "But I will need you to stall for me."

"And who is going to watch the fish? Hmmm? Some one had better watch it to make sure it doesn't turn into Godzilla or something."

"We will have to trust it to stay here. Perhaps it will not grow for a while and I shall have enough time to locate Loki."

"Okay, but if the government asks, this was your fault, not mine."

* * *

"Barton! You're back!" Tony exclaimed, coming into the penthouse - still dripping wet from carrying Skipper.

"Tony, why are you all wet? And where is Thor?"

"I am wet because…" The billionaire's mind whirred, "Because of all the tears I cried in your absence. We all really missed you."

"Tears? Really?"

"Yup, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it."

"Fine. Where is Thor? He's been taking care of something for me all week and I want to see if he did a good job or if we have another situation on our hands."

"Situation? What kind of situation could Thor create watching your pet fish? Sheesh Clint, have a little trust in the guy. He is a prince." Tony scolded him.

"How did you know about the fish? I never told you about…"

"Yeah, but Thor did. He did such a fantastic job of taking care of your fish that he wanted to show off so he told me all about it."

"Okay," Clint looked around, "So where is Thor?"

"He is taking your fish on a fieldtrip to the aquarium. Little Goldy-"

"Skipper."

"Little Skipper made some friends at the city aquarium and Thor has been taking him every day to visit, just a like a good pet sitter ought to," Tony winced at his noticeably poor lies, "Again, that is the story I'm sticking to."

"Come on Tony, where is Thor? I just want to take my fish back and then take a nap. My mission was very tiring and I'm not in the mood to…"

Thor suddenly ran into the room with Loki in tow. He smiled at Clint and turned to Tony, whispering in his ear.

"I found Loki, but Skipper has disappeared."

"What?! How can a twenty foot long fish just disappear?!" Tony hissed back.

"Everything alright gentlemen?" Clint asked, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Uh…" The two Avengers looked at each other.

"They are just playing a prank on you, Barton. They have hidden your fish and are trying to fool you into thinking that it has died," Loki jumped in, "However the fish is still alive."

"Yes!" Tony and Thor agreed, nodding vigorously.

"You guys! Why would you do that?! I trusted you Thor and now you're going around hiding my fish?"

"Apologies, friend. Stark convinced me it would be humorous."

"Well bring Skipper back this instant!" Clint demanded, sitting on the couch, "I'll be waiting here."

* * *

Tony, Thor, and Loki went down to the pool level and found that the fish was, indeed, missing. The large window that looked out on the city had been smashed through and there was a slimy trail leading outside. The three ran to the window and saw the trail continued down the side of the building and along the street toward the bay. New Yorkers stood along the road in panic, looking in the direction the fish had traveled.

"What happens if Skipper makes it to the bay?" Tony asked.

"He'll get much bigger," Loki informed them, "And eventually he'll get out to sea and grow into the size of a true Midgardsorm."

"Uh huh, and how do we stop it from doing that?"

"By turning it back into a goldfish."

"And would you be willing to help us with that or are we going to have to call your daddy down here?"

"First of all, Odin is not my father. Secondly, all you have to do to turn the monster back into a fish is feed it some of this." He held the container of fish food aloft and shook it a little.

"Okay, well at least we have a plan," Tony grabbed the fish food, "Thor, you get something to put Skipper in and I'll go suit up."

* * *

An hour later the people of New York were thoroughly disturbed by a giant goldfish sliming its way through town and then being turned into a regular sized goldfish by two of the Avengers. Tony and Thor presented Clint with a mason jar filled with water, containing Skipper - completely back to normal.

"Why is he in a jar?"

"Details, details!" Tony waved it away, "The important thing is that your fish is alive and completely normal."

"Okay, well I'm exhausted, I'm going to take a nap. Thanks for watching Skipper, Thor. It seems you did a good job." Clint nodded and carried his pet back to his room.

Thor and Tony let out a sigh of relief and Loki appeared suddenly. He was holding a puppy in his hands and grinning.

"Brother, what are you doing with that dog?" Thor asked, alarm filling his voice.

"This is Maria Hill's dog, Fenrir, I told her we would pet sit for the weekend."

Tony and Thor groaned and when they looked away Loki wiggled his fingers over the dog and it glowed slightly. When the Avengers looked back Fenrir's paws seemed to be a bit bigger… and more wolfish.

**A/N: Just so you know, there was a sea serpent thing in mythology that was supposed to be Loki's kid as well as a few other interesting creatures such as a wolf named Fenrir... just FYI in case you're interested in that kind of thing. I hope you enjoyed the story! :)**


	14. Arm Wrestling

**A/N: Hey there! Today's story was inspired by a picture I saw on Pinterest that I thought would make a good story. Thanks for all the reviews from last time! I really appreciate it. :) Without further ado, here is the story! **

Jennifer Walters was sitting in a quiet corner of Avengers Tower, reading over a case file. As she studied notes about her client she didn't hear the soft footsteps approaching her…

Loki was sneaking up on his girlfriend because he realised that he had yet to play a prank on her. He thought it his solemn duty to trick and tease everyone in the building, being the god of tricks and all, so he had decided to jump out and surprise Jennifer. Childish as this prank was, he was slightly worried that if he tried anything else she would "hulk-out" on him and get revenge.

One step closer and he was a foot away from her. He used magic to twist his face into that of an ugly beast and then grabbed her shoulders. What he was not expecting was for her to latch her hands onto his wrists and throw him over her head without even turning around. He landed in an unceremonious heap on the desk she had been using.

Jennifer's scowl deepened when she saw his glamoured face and she pulled back her fist to hit him. He quickly put up his hands in surrender and dropped his disguise. She gasped.

"Oh my gosh! Are you okay?!" Jennifer helped him up.

"A bit bruised perhaps, but fine," Loki grunted, "I must say, I didn't expect _that_ reaction."

"Sorry," Jennifer laughed, "People don't sneak up on me very often,"

"For good reason."

"And last time someone surprised me like that I got a stomach full of lead and woke up with Hulk-blood."

"Noted. I will never attempt that again," Loki exhaled and then smiled at her, "You know, I hadn't realized just how strong you were until you threw me through the air like I weighed nothing."

"Not quite as strong as Bruce when he goes green," She smirked, "But not too shabby."

"Care to test the strength of a Hulk against the strength of an Asgardian?" Loki asked casually, "If you're not frightened that is."

Unbeknownst to either Jen or Loki, the Avengers had crowded in the doorway and were watching the couple's conversation. Bruce was looking slightly more green than was healthy (though whether is was from nausea or gamma, no one knew), and Tony was smirking gleefully.

"Me? Frightened of _you_?" She-Hulk snorted, "Doubtful."

"Then humor me - a test of strength of some sort?"

"Arm wrestling it is!" Jennifer cleared the table and propped her elbow on top of it. She briefly explained to Loki the rules and how to play and he took the seat across from her and put his elbow on the table as well. Clint quickly ran to get popcorn to watch the big event. Tony made a bet that Loki would win and Natasha accepted the bet. Bruce crossed his arms in a pout and walked off. Thor and Steve just watched.

"You won't have hurt feelings when I beat you, will you?" Loki snickered.

"I think I should be asking you that question, pal." Jennifer gripped his hand in hers and was about to say "go" when there was a girlish squeal from the doorway. Jennifer and Loki turned to see the audience.

"On your marks," Tony grinned, "Get set!"

"I hope I don't hurt you too much," Jen teased.

"And I hope I don't break the table when I best you," Loki replied.

"_Goooooooo_!" Tony shrieked in delight.

The two arm wrestlers pushed against each other's arms, each not letting show just how much they were struggling. Loki tightened his grip and Jen took a deep breath. Tony took a picture.

"Oooh, who is winning?" Clint asked, plopping down in a vacant chair with his popcorn and stuffing a handful of the salty snack into his mouth.

"Looks pretty even to me," Steve commented, "This sure brings me back. The guys used to try and arm wrestle me in the army and…"

"Hush old man! We don't want to hear your war stories, we want to watch!" Tony hissed.

"I'm glad you are enjoying the spectacle, Stark." Loki grunted.

"Immensely. Now shut up and beat her, I've got twenty bucks riding on this!"

"Come on Jen, you can beat this scum bag." Natasha cheered.

"You seem to forget that this 'scum bag' is my boyfriend," Jennifer laughed, "But I'll beat him anyways."

"Perhaps in your dreams, but never in reality," Loki smiled at her, then she slammed his arm down on the table and his grin vanished, "What?"

"Tough luck." She patted him on the shoulder.

The men in the room stared at her, then at Loki, then at her again and Jennifer winked. Tony reluctantly handed Black Widow a twenty and the girls high-fived. After a stunned moment of silence Loki rose from the chair and offered his hand for her to shake. She-hulk grabbed his hand and nodded at him good naturedly.

"Good game." She smiled.

"Yes…" Loki gave her a weak grin, "As the Midgardians say, you can't win them all."

The couple hugged and Thor sat down where Loki had just been and propped his elbow up. Jennifer raised a brow and he nodded.

"I would like to test my strength against you, Lady Walters. Truly, Loki has never been the strongest of men - always preferring to read than to fight - perhaps you would like to go up against a true Asgardian." Thor boasted.

Jen sat down again with a shrug. "Alright, let's see how you fair, Blondy."

In even less time than it took to defeat Loki, Jen had claimed victory on the son of Odin. Loki chuckled in amusement. Thor stared at her, dumbfounded, and Natasha accepted another twenty dollar bill from Stark. Before Jennifer could get up, Steve sat down in the chair and put his arm on the table.

"Really?" She asked, "You're serious?"

He blushed sheepishly. "Might as well, eh?"

"Okay, give it a shot, Stars 'n Stripes."

Another victory for the Jade Giantess, and another twenty dollars left Tony's pocket and was claimed by Natasha. The billionaire frowned skeptically and left the room shouting behind him:

"Nobody move, I'll be right back!"

In a few minutes he returned in full Iron Man garb and put his metal coated elbow on the table. Jennifer sighed and pinned his arm and crushed part of the metal glove. She winced.

"Oh, sorry about that. Is your suit okay?"

"Suit's fine," He grumbled, "It's my pride that's wounded." He handed another twenty to Black Widow.

"Thank you. Anyone else care to relieve Stark of his money?" The assassin turned to her partner, "Clint?"

"Ah, no thanks. Just ate." Clint shook the now empty bowl of popcorn.

"I'll have a go at it," Bruce said, quietly stepping into the room and taking a seat across from his cousin, "But only if I'm arm wrestling Jen and not She-Hulk."

Jennifer blushed slightly. "Aw come on, why don't you go green, cuz? It'd be a more fair fight, wouldn't it?"

"The other guy would break your arm," Bruce snorted, "Why don't you shrink and then we'll see who is the strongest in our family?"

Pouting, Jennifer shrunk a foot and the green skin paled to a more human color. Bruce smiled and the cousins placed their elbows on the table. Tony quickly made a bet and Black Widow nodded.

A long struggle ensued and both Jennifer and Bruce had sweat glistening on their brows. The Avengers and Loki watched in anticipation as Banner seemed to gain a bit of ground. Everyone held their breath - it looked as if a new champion was to be crowned. Then Jennifer growled and forced her cousin's arm down, claiming victory yet again. Avengers let out various appreciative cheers or grunts and Natasha grabbed the money from Tony's hand as he gaped at the winner with an open mouth.

"Good match." Bruce smiled.

"You weren't so bad yourself."

"You couldn't have agreed to the Hulk-off?" Tony groaned, "You couldn't have saved my last shred of dignity?"

"Tony, when have you _ever_ had dignity?" Bruce straightened his glasses.

"Uh, right before you let a _girl_ beat you!" Stark crossed his arms.

"A girl?" Natasha asked, "How about you take off the suit and you and I have a go, Stark?"

"Ah… never mind. Girls are awesome. Best arm wrestlers in the world if you ask me."

"Well now that you've effectively deflated all of our pride," Loki smiled at his girlfriend, "How about we try thumb wrestling?"

And so, the Avengers, Loki, and She-Hulk spent the rest of the day trying various ways to defeat each other in thumb wrestling.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! By the way, there is a poll for what Jennifer and Loki's ship name should be posted on my profile. If you would be so kind as to vote on that I will announce the winner with the next update. Cool, thanks. Also, don't forget to favorite/follow/review! See ya later! **


	15. Air Port

**A/N: Hola! How are you guys? I hope you're all doing well! Today's story was inspired by dawnieangel76, who made the suggestion of having Thor and Loki deal with TSA at the airport (that's not really what happens, but that's what inspired the story) . It took me a while to write this one because it required a bit of research (I've never been on a plane ride before and the last time I was in an airport I was ten). I hope you enjoy this little odd story! Please leave a review telling me what you thought!**

The Avengers were going on summer vacation. They were going to take a plane to Hawaii and relax for two weeks. In the backs of their minds they all knew that it probably wouldn't be as relaxing as they hoped, but they still dreamed of a week free of invading aliens, Hydra, and giant mutated goldfish.

Normally, the team would fly to Hawaii in style on one of Stark's private jets, but three of the four jets were in maintenance because of Hulk related incidents and the fourth was too small for all of the rather large heroes (and one villain) to fit into. So, they were flying commercial. Tony was very put out by this and insisted that they should try and borrow a Helicarrier instead, but the rest of the team vetoed his idea.

When they arrived at the airport they found that they had come too late for their flight because of their inexperience with using commercial airlines.

"Tony! I told you that we were going to be late!" Clint groaned.

"Sorry!" Stark pouted, "I'm used to the plane taking off when I'm ready and not a moment sooner or later. Perks of being a billionaire."

"Well that didn't work here. Now we need to wait for the next flight to Hawaii in two hours!" The archer plopped down in a waiting area and crossed his arms moodily.

"I do not mind waiting!" Thor declared, peering at all of the airport action with the curiosity of a five year old, "It shall give me the chance to experience what an airport is really like."

Loki flicked his brother in the head with his index finger. "You'll probably cause a major catastrophe while you're at it, oaf."

Thor ignored him and chose to instead gaze at a luggage cart passing by. "How interesting!"

"Air travel has sure changed since my day," Captain America grunted, "What's with all the security measures?"

"Well they don't want you bringing anything dangerous on the plane," Natasha explained, "But, all things considered I think anything could end up being dangerous around the Avengers."

"Are those metal detectors?" Steve asked.

"Yup," Tony sighed, "That right there is the reason I couldn't bring my suits and you had to leave your shield at home… you did leave it at home, right?"

"Uh… I actually stuffed it in my luggage."

"How did it fit?"

"I have a big suitcase."

"Okay, well I'm sure we can figure something out - it's gonna be a whole lot harder getting our Asgardian buddies through," Tony snickered, "Thor, why did you insist on wearing your armor? Uh… Thor? Loki?"

The Asgardian brothers had vanished.

* * *

Loki was staring in confusion at the multitude of suitcases that spiraled around and around on the conveyor belt before him. What was the meaning of this suitcase merry-go-round? The luggage came out one flap and went back in on another, but where did it come from and where did it go to? Occasionally a traveler would walk by and select a piece of baggage from the cycle and walk away with it, but no one else seemed curious as to where the luggage went when it was out of sight.

"Well, the only way to get an answer to my question will be to seek it out myself," Loki muttered to himself, climbing onto the conveyor belt and crouching low as it came back to the flap. Right before he passed through the little doorway he caught sight of a sign that requested no one got onto the belt. Feeling as if he would probably get rebuked for this later, Loki merely shrugged, "I do what I want."

* * *

Thor figured that since they had two hours since their flight, he would have a decent amount of time to explore the Port of Air and further educate himself about Midgardian culture. So, when a vehicle carrying bags passed by him he hopped on without delay. His new found steed carried him for sometime before the operator of the vehicle noticed him and demanded he get off.

Now the prince of Asgard was standing in the middle of a wide expanse of cement with airplanes on either side. He saw the vehicle he'd been riding unload its cargo onto a upward moving conveyor and the bags found their way into the hold of one of the planes. Regarding this curiously, Thor slipped onto the conveyor when none of the attendants were looking and rode it up to the plane hold. The attendant at the top of the plane momentarily turned his back and Thor stepped into the hold. All around him there were suitcases, cages, and - inside the cages - animals.

Certain the poor creatures were not where they were supposed to be, Thor quickly broke the locks on the cages and freed numerous dogs, cats, and reptiles. His work here done, he turned to leave the same way he had entered, but found his exit closed. The sound of an engine was heard and Thor felt the feeling of leaving the ground.

"Odin's beard!" He yelped, "That cannot be in my favor!"

* * *

Tim the security officer was proud of the flawless record the airport he served had. Since he had taken the job as head of security not so much as a suitcase had gone missing and not even any fingernail clippers had made it onboard a plane. His airport was spick and span. Clean as a whistle. Perfect.

As Tim looked over a security file one of the air marshals had sent him he heard a loud pounding on his office door. He glanced up and was shocked to see the face of The Tony Stark looking through the window on the door. Tim quickly opened up and not only The Tony Stark, but four more Avengers came barreling into his office.

"Hey, you're head of security, right?" The Tony Stark asked him frantically.

"Yessir, I am." Tim said proudly, hooking his thumbs in his belt loops and puffing out his chest a little.

"Perfect! We've lost two of our group!"

Tim gave The Tony Stark a small smile. "Don't worry sir, we'll find your children in no time."

"Uh," The Tony Stark looked nervous, Tim inwardly panicked. Why did The Tony Stark look nervous?

"Is something wrong sir?"

The Tony Stark pulled at his goatee. "Yeah, the children we lost aren't children. Thor and his brother are loose in the airport."

No wonder The Tony Stark looked nervous. Tim felt himself begin to sweat a little.

"Thor's _brother_? You mean the deranged guy who was trying to take over the world?"

"Yup. That's the one." The Tony Stark chirped.

"And he's loose in _my_ airport?!" Tim yelped, "What if he tries to ground the planes? Or blows something up?!"

"Relax, he doesn't have any explosives on him." One of the other Avengers comforted.

"But isn't he kinda, you know," Tim swirled his finger around his head, "Cuckoo?"

"Yessir he is." Captain America answered.

"Then why are you not more worried about this?!" Tim immediately pulled up all security footage and began searching through it to find the lunatic and his heroic brother.

"Don't worry man!" One of the Avengers, who, if news was reliable, went by the name Hawkeye, "We don't trust him much either, but his girlfriend made him promise he wouldn't kill anyone and that he would behave himself while we're on vacation."

"Comforting." Tim muttered sarcastically, finally finding footage of an Asgardian.

"Hey! That's Thor!" Captain America jabbed the screen, "What is he doing on that luggage cart?"

Everyone in the room continued to watch as Thor got onto the conveyor belt and rode into the plane. They expected him to get out at any moment, but the hold door closed and then the plane took off. Tim nearly fainted.

"Uh-oh. Looks like Thor accidentally stowed away on that plane," The Tony Stark noted, "I'm sure he'll be fine. He always seems to find his way back to us, like a loyal dog."

Tim nodded dumbly, quickly looking through the rest of the footage until he spotted Thor's brother boarding the baggage carousel. No. No! No, no, no, no _no_! Why did this have to happen to him? What had Tim ever done wrong? He gave to charity, he kept the airport safe, he even helped that cat out of the tree that one time and now he had one Asgardian stowing away on a plane en route to Africa, and another _evil_ Asgardian riding around on the baggage carousel!

The head of airport security banged his forehead against his desk pitifully and the Avengers darted off to search the carousel. Today was not a good day.

* * *

This was quite entertaining. Riding around on the conveyor belt had landed Loki in the middle of a complex structure of conveyor belts, each going different directions. Some went up, some went down, and others went side to side. The one thing he didn't get about the belt was why more people weren't riding on it. Sure the sign had forbade them from doing so, but this was fun!

As the belt he was currently riding on made a turn, he caught a glimpse of an arrow in his peripheral vision. The arrow landed right next to him and beeped a few times. Knowing this could only mean trouble, Loki jumped from the belt, onto another belt that was going up. The arrow released a sort of gunk all of the spot he had just been crouching on. Hawkeye swung down from the rafters and aimed another arrow in Loki's direction.

"What are you doing?" The archer asked calmly.

"Exploring." Loki answered.

"Alright, well you're not allowed in here and the security guy is about to have a heart attack so you need to get out."

Loki knew that it was the right thing to do to get off of the conveyor belt and go back to waiting with the rest of the Avengers. However, doing the "right thing" had never been his forte. The trickster gave Hawkeye and eyeroll.

"How is it that you were the one selected to come and fetch me and not one of the others?" Loki asked, "They're always sending you to do their dirty work, Barton."

Without warning, Hawkeye shot another arrow and Loki just barely managed to dodge.

"Nah, I volunteered," The assassin smiled, "I've always wanted to ride on the conveyor belts. Tony and I had to draw straws to see which one of us would come find you in here."

"Why should I come out?" Loki questioned, "I am enjoying myself."

"Problem is, when you enjoy yourself other people generally end up having a rotten time. I'll give you til the count of three to get out of here," Loki was about to protest when Hawkeye shot him with an arrow, "Three."

The arrow shot out a net, which wrapped around Loki. Hawkeye swung down and tied the net tightly. Once it was secure he dragged Loki to another conveyor belt and the two of them rode out to the waiting Avengers. Their sudden appearance amongst the other luggage startled a few travelers, but no one else seemed to care.

* * *

Thor was having a rough time in the hold of the plane. He was jostled around when there was turbulence and the animals he had released kept making noises. Growing tired of this, he found a staircase that led to the upper side of the plane and popped up through the trapdoor.

"Oh my gosh!" A flight attendant shrieked, "Who are you?"

"Thor." He answered, going for the back of the plane.

He frightened a few of the other passengers and two more flight attendants on his way to the back, but he kept on going. When he got there he threw open the hatch he found, despite the alarms telling him not to do so, and jumped from the plane, Mjolnir in hand.

* * *

The rest of the Avengers were delighted when Thor showed up again at the airport. His hair looked rather messy and he seemed a bit tired, but otherwise in good condition. Now that their team was complete they realised that they only had ten minutes before their flight left.

"Run, run Rudolph," Tony muttered.

"I get that reference!" Clint declared happily, though everyone else was ignoring the snarky pair.

Several minutes later the Avengers had passed through security, though it had been a nightmare to do so. Thor was a problem considering his metal armor, Steve still had his shield, and Hawkeye had forgotten he was carrying a quiver full of arrows, so it took longer than they expected. After dealing with all of the airport craziness the team finally got to the tunnel to board their plane. As they got there the flight attendant closed the tunnel door in their faces.

"We missed it." Tony whispered in shock.

"We missed it." Banner echoed.

"I take it we shall not be going to Hawaii?" Thor moaned.

"We missed it."

"Aw man, now we'll never see the last state to join the USA!" Clint pouted.

"You've never been to Hawaii?" Natasha snorted.

"Hawaii is a state?" Steve asked, shocked.

Since the Avengers had missed their chance at summer vacation they instead went back to the tower and ate a few buckets of self-pity ice cream. As they munched the creamy treat they couldn't help but feel something was missing…

* * *

Loki took a sip of his pineapple smoothy and smiled at the ocean waving before him. Hawaii was beautiful and quite relaxing.

As soon as Hawkeye had released him from the net he made sure to go straight to the security line, and then through everything else and into the tunnel. He just managed to get onto the plane before the flight attendant shut the gate. He'd taken his seat and watched out the plane window as the Avengers turned back to Stark Tower in defeat.

The trickster grinned and took another sip and imagined the expressions on Earth's Mightiest Heroes faces when they realised he was gone. They would no doubt be furious but…

Loki snickered, "I do what I want."

**A/N: Tada! What did you think?**

**I have some news for you, my dear readers: since I would like to put another poll up on my profile I have decided to take down the one voting on the Loki/Jennifer ship name. The final results are as follows: **

**Jeki - 0%**

**Joki - 8%**

**Jenki - 16%**

**Jennoki - 16%**

**Lonnifer - 16%**

**She - Ice /She-Frost - 16%**

**And, drum roll please...**

**Lokifer - 25 %**

**So there you have it! You may call them what you want, but the officially voted on one is Lokifer! I highly doubt anyone else will ever have need of this ship name (though if you know of any Loki/She-Hulk stories out there please send them to me, cuz I would love to read them - or ****_you_**** could write one and I would love to read that as well), but if you do you have it.**

**Have a great day you guys!**


	16. Babysitting

**A/N: Hello there my lovely readers! Today's story idea was from one of my siblings I think. I had way to much fun writing this one so if it's super terrible and unrealistic just remember it is written from the heart - and a slightly insane brain. Anyway, I wanted to put an extra disclaimer on this chapter because I borrowed a scene in this story in a Disney movie. I will put this disclaimer at the end though because I don't feel like telling you which Disney movie I took inspiration from just yet. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this chapter of The Education of Asgardians.**

Tony was getting orange juice out of the fridge when he heard a loud commotion come from down the hall where the dorms were. He glanced down that way and shrugged, used to odd noises and screams of terror in the Tower. Grabbing the carton of juice and a glass, he poured the beverage and sat at the kitchen island. There was a magazine about cars sitting out so he picked it up and began browsing while drinking his orange juice. The commotion got steadily louder and more panicked sounding.

"Eh, someone else will look into it." He shrugged when he heard a loud crash and a scream of protest. It was probably just another argument between Thor and Loki anyways. The Asgardian brothers had been fighting a lot recently and their spats often resulted in a few punches being thrown or a few pranks being played - depending on who was losing. If it wasn't Point Break and Reindeer Games bickering then the worst it could be was Hulk. While that wasn't a _good_ thing, it wasn't incredibly hard to deal with either. A few scientific equations usually calmed Big Green down right away, and if not… luckily She-Hulk was in the neighborhood.

The crashes grew more frequent and louder, but still Tony sipped his juice. He didn't plan on moving until he heard Loki shout: "Now look what you've done! Stark will be furious!"

The juice was quickly abandoned in favor of a sprint down the hall to Loki's room. When the billionaire opened the door he found Loki frantically darting around the room chasing a small blond boy. The boy had on one of the Iron Man gloves and was randomly firing it about the room. The kid leapt onto the bed and began bouncing and firing in rapid succession, causing both Tony and Loki to drop to the floor and cover their heads.

"For Asgard! Wheeee!" The little boy shouted shrilly.

"I told you, _get down_!" Loki yelled, crawling towards the bed and dodging blasts.

"You can't make me! You can't make me!" The boy stuck out his tongue, bounced off the bed, made for the door, and tore down the hall, whooping in delight as he went.

"Who the heck is that?!" Tony bellowed.

"You must calm down before I explain anything," Loki ordered, "I cannot explain who the child is unless you are in a rational mood."

"Well who is he? Is he someone's nephew or something? Steve's grandson? You find out Jennifer has a kid?" Tony paused, "Please tell me he's not mine…"

"Shut up and let me explain," When the genius was quiet Loki sighed tiredly, "Thank you. Now let me just say that this happened completely by accident…"

"Oh so he's _your _kid!"

Loki ignored him. "That boy was Thor."

"Haha! Funny. No, I'm wrong, it's not funny because whoever that midget is, he's running around with my glove, blasting things to pieces!"

"I was practicing some transformation spells on inanimate objects and Barton's fish - though nothing so disastrous as last time - when Thor got in the way and I accidently reversed his age."

"And the worst brother of the year award goes to…"

"Be quiet," Loki rubbed his forehead, "I know the situation is not good, but please refrain from telling this to Director Fury."

"I am many things, but I am not a tattle tale." Peeking out into the hall, Stark followed the path Little Thor had taken.

"So you are just going to believe me?" Loki asked.

"Why not? If you can magic a goldfish into a sea monster then I don't doubt you can turn Thor into a prepubescent boy."

The pair stepped into the living room to see Little Thor sitting in front of the TV, completely mystified by the moving pictures. The Iron Man glove had been set aside on the coffee table and Tony jumped to grab it before the boy could cause any more mayhem.

"Can you turn him back?"

Loki cracked his knuckles. "I've tried a dozen times already, but I suppose I could try again." He waved his hand over Little Thor's head and the boy shimmered for a moment, as if he was going to change back, but then snapped right back into the youngster.

"I don't understand why it's not working, I'm doing exactly what needs to be done to get him to change back."

"Maybe you aren't powerful enough." Stark shrugged and Loki looked like he wanted to throw the billionaire out the window by the throat again.

"If I'm powerful enough to change him into a child then I'm certainly powerful enough to change him back. The only explanation is that someone else in the building has doubly cast the spell on him so I cannot remove it without their permission."

"And who would that be? You and Thor are the only ones with magic in this place."

"Wielding a magical hammer does _not _make Thor magical." Loki pouted.

"Potato po-tah-to."

"What do potatoes have to do with this?"

"It's an expressi- you know what, nevermind. Who is making Thor stay a kid if it isn't you?"

"I know not."

"Well that's just wonderful. Now I have an intruder to deal with on top of Little Thor!"

"Sir, an Asgardian presence was detected on the premises twenty-three minutes ago." JARVIS inserted.

"And you didn't think it helpful to tell me this earlier?"

"You seemed rather busy."

"Your robot servant has an attitude." Loki commented, turning off the TV.

"Well so do you, but we still put up with you." Stark fired back.

Little Thor was gaping at the now black television. "Why you do that?!" He demanded.

"That show was too violent for you to be watching." Loki said sternly and Thor scowled.

"You're not the boss of me! I'm the Prince of Asgard and I can do whatever I want!"

"You can't just go around causing mayhem when it suits you, Thor. Now come with me and we'll find you some lunch."

Tony was snickering behind his hand. "You know, if you don't want him to run around making messes you aren't setting a very good example."

"Shut up."

An hour later, Little Thor had eaten everything in the fridge and was halfway through the pantry. He had milk all over his face from the gallon he had just downed and crumbs were in every fold of his clothing.

"So what are we going to do about this?" Tony asked.

"You need to get to work figuring out who got into the tower and I will watch Thor in the meantime. Whatever you do, don't let Fury get wind of this."

"So no telling Natasha."

"Certainly not."

"Pity, a woman's touch might be useful in taking care of a kid."

"If things get too out of hand then I'm sure Rogers, Barton, and Banner will assist me, but I'm sure Thor won't be too much trouble for me - I did grow up with him," Loki paused in thought for a moment, "Then again…"

"As long as the kid's alive and the Tower is standing then I'm sure we'll be fine." With that, Stark wandered off to figure out who had broken into the building, for what purpose, and where they were now.

Loki was left in the kitchen with a little boy who used to be his big brother.

"I'm still hungry!" Little Thor announced, "What else have you got to eat in this place?"

"How can you _still_ be hungry after all that food?"

"Mother says I'm a growing boy and growing boys need lots of food."

"Well you can't have anymore, you'll spoil your dinner."

"Oh come on! Just one more poptart!"

"No, Thor."

"Just a little one, I promise!"

"I said no. Now let's get you cleaned up; you are covered in crumbs." Loki dusted the various food particles off his brother, grabbed a paper towel, and wiped the milk off his mouth.

"You're no fun at all!"

"I am too, you just don't get so see me be fun."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so. Now let's go find something for you to do. I'm sure your room is in need of cleaning."

"Never! I shall not clean my room, I am the Prince of Asgard!" Little Thor stomped his foot.

"Even a prince must clean his room here, believe me I tried the same excuse."

"You can't make me!" With that, he dashed off into the living room. Loki was taking his sweet time following until he heard someone from the living give a shout of surprise. Then he rushed in at full speed.

"Loki!" Steve was staring at the mini thunder god, "Who is this?!"

"Ah… that's Thor."

"Very funny."

"Right," Loki decided not to waste any breath trying to convince the captain that this was Thor, "Come on, time to clean your room!" He called to the little boy.

"I don't wanna!"

"You have to!"

"I don't wanna!"

"You have to!"

"Why?"

"Because I said so!"

"But I don't wanna!"

Loki gave an exasperated sigh. "Fine, what _do_ you want to do?"

"Watch the moving pictures!"

"You can't watch television all day, it's bad for you."

Thor groaned loudly and then went over to Steve. He smiled brightly. "You think it's okay for me to watch the moving pictures, right?"

"Uh…"

"Say 'yes' and I'll make your life misery." Loki threatened.

"I think you should do what your babysitter says, kid."

Both Little Thor and Loki wrinkled their noses in disgust and asked the same question: "Who sits on babies?"

"A babysitter is someone who watches kids for people."

"That's an idiotic name."

"Yeah, I guess so," Steve shrugged and began reading a book.

Loki turned to Little Thor to make him clean his room, but the boy was gone again. The trickster turned just in time to see the elevator doors close with Thor inside.

"Nooooo! Thor, get back here!" But he was too late. The elevator whisked Thor down to the lobby of the building, "JARVIS, halt the elevator!"

"Apologies, Mr. Laufeyson, I'm not allowed to respond to your orders."

"Of course not," He rolled his eyes and ran for the stairs, jumping from flight to flight until he reached the lobby. He burst out just as the elevator doors swung open. Little Thor spotted him and made a run for the doors. Loki sprinted to the best of his ability, but he had just come down many,many stairs and was not quite as fast as the little boy. Little Thor got through the front door and was released upon New York.

Loki was hot on his brother's heels and finally caught up to him near the park. He grabbed Little Thor's arm and was prepared to haul him home when the child began screaming with indignation.

"Let me go! Let me go! Leave me alone, you bully!"

Normally, Loki would not have been affected in the slightest by these commands, but unfortunately for him there was a group of pigeon-feeding old ladies nearby and they recognized him from the news as a maniac who'd tried to take over the city. When these ladies saw Loki trying to snatch away a little boy they leapt into action.

"Come on, brother, you need to come with me."

"No!"

"Come along…" Then suddenly something smacked Loki in the jaw and knocked him sideways. He looked up from the pavement and found a gang of elderly women cracking their arthritic knuckles.

"Looks like we got ourselves a child-snatcher, ladies." One of the old women said, holding her handbag like a flail.

"Ingrid, you get the pepper spray, Darleen, get your taser." Another woman said.

Sensing "pepper spray" and "tasers" were objects that would cause him pain, Loki tried to play it cool, putting up his hands peaceably and smiling.

"My dear ladies, you do not understand. This is my younger brother, I was just taking him home. I mean him no harm."

"We've all seen what you did to your other brother, Thor. It was on TV at the nursing home! We're not letting you touch a hair on this little angel's head." A woman, Ingrid, snapped.

"Lily, hold him down while we get him." Darleen ordered.

"My pleasure."

Little Thor watched as his brother got the snot beat out of him by three old ladies. When being attacked, Loki would normally fight back and, more often than not, win, but when his adversaries were in their nineties he wasn't about to do anything more than attempt to defend himself.

"Please, I beg of you - I'm not doing anything wrong! Let me take my brother back home!" Loki pleaded, but the women did not relent. Lily even started slapping him with her shoe.

"Ladies, ladies! What is going on here?" A refined, but still elderly voice called above the commotion. The other three hags parted to make way for an ancient woman who hobbled in on a cain. She had a shawl wrapped round her shoulders and hair white as snow, but a certain fire burned in her eyes. She turned her sharp gaze to the Asgardian on the ground, "Isn't he the one that was on television a while back?"

"That right there is Loki! The one who blew up Darleen's building in the Battle of New York!" Ingrid shouted, "And now he's trying to kidnap this little boy!"

The newcomer leaned heavily on her cane, bending forward to get a better look at him. She smiled craftily.

"So you're the nasty piece of work Steve was telling me about."

"You know Steve Rogers?" Loki asked incredulously.

"Know him? The man owes me a dance!" She winked at him, "You know I don't like it when big men like you think you can pick on little children like this fine boy here. When I find a bully I like to do this," The woman lifted her cane and hit him with much more force than he was expecting and then continued to smack him. She was obviously trained in some sort of combat and her whacks were quickly beginning to sting.

"Just let me go! I don't mean to harm the boy! I'm his brother!"

She replied only by hitting him. A few minutes later she was satisfied with her work and poked his limp form with her walking stick.

"I don't like it when the big pick on the small."

"You tell him Peg!" The other old ladies cheered and then all four of them hobbled away to feed more pigeons. Loki watched them go and groaned.

An old man on a park bench whistled from beneath his mustache and large glasses.

"Wow-we! What a woman!" And then he went back to reading his newspaper.

Jennifer Walters was walking through the park on her lunch break, enjoying the twittering birds and the scampering squirrels, when she came across her boyfriend lying in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Loki? What are you doing?"

He moaned in pain and rolled to a sitting position. "Never mess with a group of pigeon-feeding elderly women. It will not turn out in your favor."

Little Thor gave his brother a kick in the ribs and Loki snatched his arm. Jennifer looked at the child curiously.

"Who is your friend?"

"Thor. Don't question, it's a long story that I don't feel like explaining until we get to the Tower," He groaned, "Would you mind helping me up?"

They got back to the Tower (though Little Thor stopped every few feet to stare at something or pick something off the ground) and Loki collapsed on the sofa while Jen got his brother a juicebox from Barton's secret stash. Then the Asgardian explained the day's happenings to his girlfriend and the other Avengers.

"And so I am 'babysitting' until we can find a way to get him back to normal."

"You poor thing!" She cooed, arms out for a hug. Loki nodded and opened his arms as well, but Jen didn't hug him, she embraced the little boy sitting at the counter, "What a rough day you've had!"

"What about me?!" Loki asked.

"Oh, this is all your fault, you can't expect sympathy," Jen patted the blond boy's head affectionately, "But poor Thor has been turned into a child and exposed to all kinds of stuff."

"It's not my fault! I would have changed him back if I could have!"

"You're the one who turned him into a kid in the first place."

"That was an accident! He got in the way!"

"Don't blame him!"

"Just help me take care of him, will you?"

"Of course! I obviously can't leave him on his own in this tower. The Avengers and Loki taking care of a child! The idea is ridiculous."

Two hours later Loki and Jen were in a state of panic. Little Thor had suggested they play hide-n-go-seek and now the youngster was nowhere to be found. They'd already called on Captain America, Hawkeye, and Bruce to help find him, but so far no one had turned up a thing. Even JARVIS couldn't help find him.

"Where do you think he's gone?" Steve asked.

"I don't know, we've checked all of his favorite places: the pantry, the living room, and his bedroom. We've searched the whole Tower!" Jennifer replied wearily.

"What about the laundry room? Has anyone checked there?" Loki asked frantically.

"Twice."

"The pool? What if he fell in?!"

"We checked the pool."

"Why are you so worried about him all of a sudden, Loki? Usually you want Thor to get hurt." Bruce accused.

"Yes, but, well, it's different. He's the same as when we were growing up together and… he's just a child. I don't want anything bad to happen to him." Loki replied, checking under the table for the upteenth time.

"Aw, he has a heart after all!" Barton cooed and then glared at him, "I still don't forgive you for the mind control thing."

"Be quiet and help me find him!"

When the boy finally did turn up he was in Tony's garage, curled up napping in the driver's seat of a vintage car. Loki picked him up and carefully carried him up to the living room, where he deposited him on the couch. The tiny Asgardian slept on.

"He's certainly a sly one, isn't he?" Jennifer groaned, plopping down in a chair.

"I find it hard to believe _Thor_ could be so sneaky - this is the guy that makes the whole building shake when he gets up in the night to go to the bathroom!" Barton snickered.

"I hope Stark has uncovered who snuck into the building by now because I don't think I can handle being a babysitter for much longer," Loki complained, "But at least now he's sleeping."

"Think again!" Steve yelped, noticing Little Thor had vacated his spot on the couch in favor of climbing up a bookcase.

"Thor! No, be careful!" Loki rushed to the bookcase, but Little Thor was already on top.

"Na-na-na-boo-boo!" The boy giggled, balancing precariously. His foot slipped for the slightest moment and tipped a decorative item, knocking it off the case and to its doom.

A few weeks back Loki had entered a poetry contest at a bookstore nearby. The judges were so impressed by his choice of words and the emotion in the poem that they awarded him first prize without hesitation. He had been given a small trophy in the shape of a quill and inkpot and the Avengers had applauded him on his non-violent achievement. They'd all ordered pizza to celebrate and given the trophy a special place on the living room bookshelf. It had been the first time Loki had felt as if he belonged in Stark Tower and that they weren't just keeping him around because Thor had asked them to. The trophy was one of his prized possessions.

So when Little Thor practically kicked the trophy off the shelf and it fell to the ground - shattering into five separate pieces - Loki was mad. Though, mad might have been an understatement. Furious, enraged, or livid would more accurately describe how he felt.

Despite retaining none of his adult memories, Little Thor knew he had just done something that would not end well for him. When Loki looked up from the broken trophy to his brother their gazes locked for five seconds before Little Thor screamed at the top of his lungs, jumped from the bookcase, and sped out of the room.

None of the Avengers or Jennifer stopped Loki as he ran after his brother and tackled him to the floor. He got him in a headlock, but Little Thor licked his arm and Loki quickly let go with a cry of disgust.

"Thor!" He bellowed as Thor rushed into the elevator. The older of the two looked at the floor levels as his brother rode down and saw that he had gone all the way to the basement, the laundry room to be more precise. Loki quickly followed via the stairs. When he arrived in the basement Little Thor was nowhere to be seen, but Loki knew exactly where he was. However, a show of cunning would be needed here, if the small prince was to be captured.

Entering the laundry room as quietly as he could, Loki laid a large blanket on the floor in front of the dryer and then climbed on top of the device. From where he was, he used magic to open and close the door as if he had just left. Sure enough, Little Thor cautiously opened the dryer and climbed out onto the blanket, his back turned on Loki, who was now climbing off the dryer with the silence of a ninja. Little Thor stood in the center of the blanket and Loki quickly grabbed up the corners, forming a sort of bag with his brother inside.

Little Thor growled from within the bag, like an animal in a net, but Loki paid the writhing bundle no mind as he swung it over his shoulder and carried it back upstairs. Once in the living room again, he dropped the bag on the floor and grabbed Little Thor's arm as he tried to run away. The boy didn't stop struggling and trying to break free of Loki's grip, but it was no use.

"Thor! Why did you climb up the bookcase? I specifically told you 'no'!" Loki snapped, "Do you not understand? You could have hurt yourself and you did break something!" Thor remained quiet, "Answer me!"

"No!"

"No you don't understand?"

"No!"

"No what?!"

Little Thor gave a dramatic sigh and flopped onto the floor, mumbling incoherent phrases. Loki tried to listen, he really did, but nothing the child was saying made any sense. The older brother rolled his eyes and sat back.

"You are such a pain."

"So why don't you sell me an buy a bilgesnipe instead?" Thor asked haughtily, getting up.

"At least a bilgesnipe would behave better than you!"

Little Thor began to stomp down the hallway to the dorms. "Go ahead, then you'll be happy, because it'd be smarter than me too!"

"And quieter!" Loki roared.

"You'll like it cause it's stinky like you!" Little Thor replied, slamming the door to his room.

"Go to your room!" Loki howled.

"I'm already in my room!" Thor shouted back, peeking his head out, pulling it back in, and slamming the door.

Loki stomped back into the living room, grabbed the pillow Barton handed him, and screamed into it. He collapsed on the couch tiredly and Jen sat down next to him, giving him a pat on the back. They all turned their heads up when Tony entered the room.

"Stark, please tell me you know how to change that spawn of dark elves back into the oaf he used to be."

"Well, _I_ don't know how to change him back, but I found someone who would!" Tony beamed, stepping out of the doorframe to make way for another person. An elegantly clad, sophisticated woman stepped into the room, her long dress swishing about her ankles and her golden hair bouncing.

"Mother!" Loki yelped.

Queen Frigga smiled at her son. "Hello my dear, how are you?"

"Not well at the moment…"

"Ah yes, you've been experiencing what I had to deal with for three hundred or so years. Prepubescent Thor," Frigga grinned wickedly, "I've been quite enjoying his antics."

Loki raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "You've been watching?"

"I had planned on visiting you boys here on Midgard and when I arrived at this tower I found that you had turned your older brother into your younger brother. I thought I might stick around to see how well you could manage him."

"But then…" Loki gasped, "You must have been the one to lock the spell on him so he wouldn't change back!"

"Guilty as charged."

"But why would you do such a thing, Mother?"

"As much as I love you, my dear, I didn't think your father properly punished you for what you did to Midgard. What do you think of my punishment?" Her eyes were sparkling and Loki moaned irritably.

"Consider me punished. I will never attack Midgard again," His voice dropped to a whisper and he looked away from his mother, "Without winning."

"What was that?"

"Nothing Mother! Nothing."

"Good. Now let's go change your brother back to normal."

"Did Loki really get beaten by elderly women?" Regular Thor asked after the day's adventures had been recounted to him.

"Well it was your fault, you kept misbehaving." Loki grumbled, scooching away from his brother and closer to his mother on the couch.

"You must have been an awful caretaker, brother!"

"I think he made a good babysitter." Jennifer protested.

"Thank you, Jen, but I don't think I want to try again anytime soon."

"I don't blame you, Thor is a handful even when he's not fun-sized."

Frigga regarded Jennifer curiously, taking in the green skin and large size. The queen had been wondering what relation this chartreuse giantess had to the Avengers and her sons. She continued to observe to see if she could figure it out and when she got her answer she was horrified…

"Well, it's been fun helping you wrangle your little big brother, but I need to get a move on. I have a meeting with the law firm in half an hour." Jennifer stated, getting off the couch.

"Good bye, my dear." Loki smiled, getting up from the couch as well and giving her a kiss.

Frigga gasped and watched the green woman leave with a look of disgust. She glanced around the room to see what the others thought, but the only one who seemed as appalled as her was the small scientist man, Banner. The queen crossed her arms and pouted. Something was going to have to be done about this Jennifer character. Frigga had planned on returning to Asgard in the morning, but she didn't mind sticking around if it meant getting rid of this woman who was so obviously unworthy of her son. Yes, something had to be done and perhaps this Dr. Banner would be her ally…

**A/N: So, for one thing: Frigga will be in the next update as sort of a continuation of that last bit. Yeah, the Queen of Asgard isn't a Lokifer shipper and she will most definitely be recruiting Bruce. In fact, the next chapter might be completely about her and Bruce since she ****_is_**** an Asgardian and she might need to be educated too.**

**Also my disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers and I do not own ****_Lilo and Stitch, _****from which I borrowed a scene and Marvel-fied it.**

**One last thing: I've been looking over some of the past reviews (thank you for those, by the way) and I realized I have got so many of your suggestions to do. I might not get to them all, but I will certainly try and I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate them very much. **

**Thanks for reading! See you next time! :)**


	17. Amusement Park

**A/N: Well hello there! Long time no see! I apologize for my incredibly late update, but I've been busy with my other stories as well as life. As promised, this chapter carries a continuation from the previous one and Queen Frigga is back - in fact, she is the Asgardian being educated in this story. The suggestion for this story came from many people including: AprilLudgateKarateDwyer, dawnieangel76, and... oh that's it. But it's cool that it happened twice, right? Anyway, I hope you enjoy this! :)**

Queen Frigga of Asgard had always wanted the best for her sons. It was common of any mother to wish for her children to have good things in life and she was no different. Thor and Loki should have the best in everything; living space, food, clothes… significant others.

Thus far Frigga approved of Jane Foster. Her other son's girlfriend she was not so fond of. Jennifer Walters was big, green, and just plain annoyed the queen. Not that Frigga had really tried to get to know her very well, but whoever the jade giantess was surely wasn't good enough for Loki.

While the Asgardian woman pondered what to do (for obviously something had to be done) about this unsolicited emerald woman who'd won over her little Loki's heart, Thor entered the room with the irritating inventor, Stark. The two were speaking of spending some time out in the Midgardian world with the rest of the Avengers. As well as - Norns! - that Jennifer woman.

"We could all go see something on Broadway," Stark suggested, "I hear _Lion King _is playing - uh - actually, that may not be the best story to see. You know, considering how it kind of parallels your, err, sibling situation."

"_Lion King_? How could that relate to me if it is about felines?" Thor asked in confusion.

"Nevermind. It was a bad suggestion," Stark waved the idea away, "What else could we do?"

"What about visiting the cement pool of water that people swim in?"

"It's too cold out to going swimming, Goldie Locks," Stark stroked his goatee and then snapped his fingers with an expression of triumph, "I've got it! An amusement park!"

"What is that? What makes it more amusing than other parks?" Thor asked and Frigga perked her ears as well.

"You'll see, it will be awesome! I'll go get everyone else and we can head out. Reindeer Games will come if Jen is coming, right?"

Thor chuckled. "Undoubtedly, which will encourage Dr. Banner to come along as well to keep an eye on them."

Frigga grinned. The good doctor, she knew, did not approve of Loki and Jennifer's being together any more than she did. Of course they disapproved for different reasons; the queen thought Ms. Walters incompetent and unfit for her son and Banner claimed Loki was an insane liar. Even if his opinion of the Dark Prince of Asgard was wrong he could make a good ally in separating the couple that clearly wasn't meant to be.

"My dear," She spoke up casually, "Would you mind terribly if I tagged along with you and your friends to this park of amusement? I should like to experience some Midgardian culture while I'm here."

Thor raised his eyebrows and nodded. "Of course Mother! I'm sure the other Avengers would be delighted to have you along as well," He elbowed Stark harshly, "Right Tony?"

"Ouch!" The billionaire rubbed his side where he'd been elbowed, "I mean, absolutely! We'd be delighted, Mrs. uh… Queen."

"Wonderful," Frigga smiled smugly, "I'm sure we shall all have the _best _of times." She chuckled slightly, causing Thor and Stark to exchange worried glances.

o*o*o*o

Several hours later the Avengers, Loki, Jen, and Frigga were deeply immersed in the amusement park. Everyone seemed to be having a pleasant time - everyone except the visiting Asgardian queen, that is.

After being herded by Thor to three carousels, two roller coasters, and fifteen corn dog stands, Frigga had no time to recruit Dr. Banner to help her put an end to the unfavorable romance between her son and Bruce's cousin. Luckily, the moment struck when the one called Hawkeye lost to Thor in a cotton candy eating competition and was currently hurling all of the pink snack into the nearest garbage can.

Frigga covertly slid closer to the doctor. He smiled pleasantly and asked her some trivial question about how she was enjoying Midgard. Snapping a quick answer at him, she jutted her chin toward Loki and Jennifer. The couple was laughing about some joke and nibbling at funnel cake. Repulsive.

"You do not approve of their courtship, correct?" She asked, eyes searching his face.

He fidgeted with his glasses and shook his head. "No, I'm not exactly what you would call a fan."

"Nor am I. I could use an ally in my attempt to disengage this relationship. What say you?"

Dr. Banner looked as if he was about to protest, but then nodded. "Yeah, okay I'm in."

"Excellent!" The queen patted his arm and nodded, "Then you will help me to show them why their being together is a horrid idea? Breaking them apart once and for all?"

"Sure…" He looked a bit reluctant now, "But we're doing this for their own good, right?"

"Of course! Your cousin is not fit for my son nor my son for her. We must let them see that so they do not lead themselves to further heartbreak down the road."

The doctor nodded and Frigga smiled gleefully. Now things were going someplace.

"What are we going to do?"

"Break their hearts."

o*o*o*o

Loki was actually enjoying himself at this strange Midgardian park. He knew that a large part of his enjoyment was based on the fact that Jennifer was there, but some of the attractions at this amusement park were actually… amusing!

"Hey! I know where we have to go next!" She-Hulk grinned, hooking her arm through his and leading him away from the others at the food court area. He smiled at her.

"And where would that be?"

"Not telling!" She giggled, pulling him with her.

Frigga and Bruce stood up, setting their concession stand food aside and following the soon to be unhappy couple. Where they were led was a bit of a surprise and only made the allies feel stronger about their mission.

A heart shaped tunnel with flashing pink lights stood before them as well as a long line of couples waiting to get on. Loki and Jennifer joined the end of the line and Bruce nearly changed to green.

"We must stop this immediately. I know not what a 'Tunnel of Love' is, but it does not bode well for our machinations," Frigga stated, shoving the doctor into the line. She pulled up to Loki quickly and pried his arm away from Jennifer, "My dear son! You have spent so little time with me during my visit here. I am beginning to feel lonely with only Thor for company! He is being so sweet to me while you gallivant to who knows where!" Usually the mother would never compare her sons, seeing as what kinds of problems Odin had sprouted doing so, but she knew that one sure fire way to get Loki to do something was to tell him that Thor was doing it better.

"Mother, I-"

"No, no! Stay with Lady Walters - oh, sorry, _Ms._ Walters, as she is of no noble blood - while I spend time with Thor. He didn't bring Jane with him just so he could spend time with me after all…"

Loki smirked slightly at his mother. He was well aware she was scheming something. She had been the one who'd taught him all of his tricks and he prided himself on being able to read his mother well. Whatever game she was playing at would cause no problem for him. He would play along and see where she went with this.

"Quite right, Mother, quite right!" He patted her hand comfortingly and turned to his girlfriend, "Jennifer, would you mind terribly if I spent some time with my mother?"

"Not at all, but we did just get tickets for this ride…"

"True," He flicked a glance at his mother, "Jen and I will go on this ride and then I'm yours for the rest of the day."

"I have an idea!" Dr. Banner spoke up, "The queen and I will ride too!"

"Pardon me?!" Frigga stared at him with wide eyes, "I am a married woman! I am not going to go with you on a ride called the Tunnel of Love!"

Bruce blushed. "No, no, I meant I would ride with Jen and you would ride with Loki. After all there is more than just romantic love. We're cousins so we love each other like family. You two are mother and son and love each other, well, like mother and son."

"Ah, yes. That would work. Come Loki, let us ride." Frigga led Loki briskly over to the swan shaped boat and he reluctantly helped her into the contraption.

"You know, I don't think that's the kind of love they had in mind when they constructed this ride…" He said, sitting down next to her. In the boat behind them Jen and Bruce sat down.

Before the ride got started Loki heard a large _splash_ from behind them. He turned around and saw that the swan boat the Hulk cousins were sitting in had capsized. Considering himself a gentleman, he began to get out of his own boat to go help Jen, but Frigga held him back for some reason.

"Jen!" Bruce spluttered getting out of the shallow river, "I don't mean to be rude but you are too heavy! You tipped the boat!"

"Whoops."

"Perhaps if you were to shrink to your normal size." Loki suggested.

She-Hulk groaned and righted the swan boat, shaking some of the water off of herself. She wrung out her dark black-green hair and nodded. "Alright, fine." The green skin faded and her size shrunk from 6'7" to 5'10". Her clothes were a bit big, but she just pulled her belt tighter and tied her T-shirt hem into a knot at her hip.

"Let us, as they say, get this show on the road!" Frigga smiled as the boats jerked forward. As they entered the dark tunnel she elbowed her son gently and gestured back to the boat behind them, "She could have been a bit happier about your suggestion to shrink down in size. You _were_ only trying to help and it's not as if it wasn't a logical decision."

Loki raised an eyebrow. "I suppose she was a little irritated at the idea, but I understand why. She is a bit shy when she isn't She-Hulk."

"Why?" Frigga asked, tactfully avoiding looking at the swan boat ahead of them where some Midgardian couple was smooching.

"I suppose it is because she is so often in that strong form she doesn't like being small or considered weak." Loki replied. Jen had told him that some time ago and though he'd reassured her that she was not weak in any form, she still preferred to remain as She-Hulk for as long as possible.

Frigga crossed her arms and rolled her eyes but didn't say a word.

In the other boat Bruce elbowed his cousin and pointed at the back of Loki's head. "When you fell out of the boat he didn't even try to help you up! I could tell that he thought it was hilarious."

"Well it was kind of funny…"

"He wasn't laughing at the circumstances, Jen, he was laughing at _you_."

"Oh stop!" She exclaimed, but she couldn't help feeling like maybe it was true. Then again, Bruce was always trying to find any excuse to make Loki look bad.

"I'm just saying, a normal guy would have helped you up."

"One, do you really think a _normal_ guy would want to date me? And two, I didn't see you jumping to action either, Brucey."

He blushed and looked away.

o*o*o*o

After the Tunnel of Love Loki had promised to spend time with his mother and the pair was currently playing at one of the booth games. The object of the game was to fire a small, non-deadly, gun at targets in order to win a prize. Frigga had already claimed a large plush in the shape of Captain America's shield and Loki was on the verge of winning another prize. The mother-son-duo was far too good at the simple Midgardian games.

"Ha! Relinquish that bear into my hands, mortal!" Loki grinned as he hit his target. The booth owner tossed the bear to him as the Asgardians walked away. They had been working at the game booths for near an hour and they were supposed to meet up with the Avengers at the haunted house now.

Right before they got there Frigga cast a spell over herself that made it look like she was a pretty earth woman to everyone except Loki. Time for a bit of trickery that would surely cause Jennifer Walters to forget Loki altogether.

"Here Mother," Loki smiled, handing her the stuffed bear he'd won, "I'm glad you've come to visit."

"Yes, yes, I'm glad to see you too my dear. Oh look, here's Thor and the rest." She smiled brightly at her son and pulled his arm around her shoulders. When the Avengers saw them they stared, some open mouthed.

"Uh, what?" Stark asked.

"Don't play dumb Stark, you must have known I was going to spend some time with her while we were here," Loki snapped turning back to Jen and smiling. She was back to her She-Hulk form and gaping at him, "Hello my dear, what were you up to?"

"Bumper cars," She muttered, "Who is this?"

Frigga laughed loudly. "Don't be silly! Loki has already introduced us."

"You know, I think I would have remembered that," Jen snapped, "Loki could I have a quick chat with you?"

"Hmm? Of course, Jennifer, what would you like to discuss?"

"He'd love to chat, but he promised to take me on the ferris wheel." Frigga interrupted, starting to pull her son away with her.

"Well, I did promise, but I'm sure it can wait-"

"No, we ought to go now," She widened her eyes at him, "Do you not love me Loki?"

"What? Yes, I love you but I don't see what that has to do with riding the ferris wheel."

"You _love _her?" Jen growled, stepping closer, "And you're announcing it in front of everyone like this?"

"Why wouldn't I? I'm not ashamed for everyone to know I love her," He laughed, "Why should that irritate you, Jennifer?"

The Avengers gave an audible gasp and She-Hulk picked him up by the collar, lifting him a few inches off the ground.

"I ought to throw you into the next state - or better yet, back to the realm you came from." She snarled.

"Why are you so upset about this? I thought it would be obvious that I love her." He gently tried to break her grip on his shirt, but to no avail.

"That's it." No one even tried to stop her as she threw him up into the air. Luckily for him, he landed on an inflatable bounce house. Children ran from the air-filled castle as the Asgardian sunk the roof in, wailing in distress.

"Jennifer! I don't understand, what did I do?"

"You don't even know?!" She snarled stomping over to him and picking him up again, "Listen, pal, I don't know about the customs in Asgard, but here it's not okay to go around saying you love other women in front of your girlfriend."

"It is not even allowed to say that you love your mother?" He asked.

"Your mother?! I'm not idiot, that woman is not your mother…" She turned and pointed at the woman, but was shocked to find that Frigga stood there, "Wait, what?"

"Huh?" Stark asked.

"Okay, you weren't there a second ago." Clint accused.

"I thought I would know my own mother when I saw her, but apparently not." Thor said, scratching his head.

"What's going on here?" Steve demanded.

"I know what's going on," Natasha pointed at Frigga, "She was wearing a disguise. Where do you think Loki got it from? The only question is why?"

"Perhaps you all need to get your vision checked." Frigga smirked. Bruce chuckled slightly, and Jen dropped Loki in shock.

"I'm so sorry! I could have sworn…"

"No matter," The trickster croaked, with a weary smile, "It's fine, let's forget about it."

"Oh my gosh, I threw you across the park! Are you okay?" She worriedly knelt down next to him and he gave her a quick kiss.

"All better." He winked and she laughed.

Bruce and Frigga sported matching scowls as Loki and Jen made up. They'd been so close! Why hadn't Jen stayed mad longer? Why wasn't Loki upset that she tossed him across the park? How could they be so irritatingly forgiving of one another?! It was sickening. Clearly another plan was needed.

o*o*o*o

Two hours later the Avengers were worn out from a long day of going on rides, eating junk food, and throwing up said food after going on said rides. They were almost ready to go home when Frigga came up with a last minute plan. If tricking Loki and Jennifer into breaking up didn't work then she would simply have to convince him to do it. If Loki's tongue was silver then the queen of Asgard's was golden. She could convince a bilgesnipe to stop its rampage if she really wanted to. Getting her son to break up with a woman who had just thrown him nearly fifty meters into an inflatable castle filled with shrieking children would be no problem.

The only problem was that she would need Jen to be absent. Since the bounce house fiasco the couple had not stopped holding hands for longer than a minute. However, Bruce had a plan for that.

"Are you sure? It isn't asking too much of you?"

"Nah," The doctor shrugged, "It's for the greater good."

"Very well. Please proceed."

"Hey Tony! Before we go I want to ride on Doom Mountain!" Bruce called to his science bro.

"Uh, are you sure that would be the best idea, Banner? It's a… thrilling ride, and we wouldn't want to get your heart rate up." Iron Man stated delicately.

"I'll be fine. Let's go!"

The two scientists got in line for the fastest roller coaster in the park and Frigga stepped closer to Loki. As the rest of the Avengers watched worriedly, the roller coaster began its climb up the first hill. When it reached the top it paused for one heart pounding moment and then _whooshed _down the hill. Not even the screams of the riders could be heard over the enormous roar that echoed from the part of the cart that Bruce had boarded.

"Uh Jen?" Clint asked.

"Yeah?"

"I don't think your cousin was ready for Doom Mountain."

"No, Mr. Barton, he was not." She-Hulk sighed and leapt into action.

"Be careful!" Loki called. He would have helped tame Hulk, but they'd long ago discovered that the sight of the "puny god" only made the rage greater.

"Oh dear," Frigga tutted as the rest of the Avengers went to get the Code Green under control, "Well, at least I have a moment to talk to you now."

Loki gave his mother a sly look. "I assume this is about Jennifer and I?"

"Why would you think that?"

"You and Dr. Banner have been trying to drive a wedge between us all day, did you really think I wouldn't notice?"

She grinned. "You have always been too clever for your own good," Pulling him over to a bench, they sat down, "Yes, this is about you and _her_."

"I take it you do not approve."

"I'm sure she is a nice enough woman, but she is not right for you."

Loki raised an eyebrow and scoffed lightly. "Mother, I think she loves me."

"Loves you? Please, Loki, that's demented," She sighed, "This is why you never should have left!"

Loki coughed awkwardly. "I had little choice in the matter; Odin banished me here."

"Dear this whole romance that you've invented just proves that you are too naive to be here!"

"Mother-"

"Why would she love you? Come on now - really! Look at you," She gestured to his Asgardian attire, "You think that she's impressed?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Frankly, I find that a tad insulting."

"Don't be a dummy, come with mummy. Mother-"

"No."

"No? Oh I see how it is. Loki knows best, Loki's so mature now, such a clever grown up sir. Loki knows best. Fine if you're so sure now, go ahead and-"

"Mother, stop. I don't know who let you watch that _Tangled_ movie, but it was a grievous error on their part. Jennifer is a wonderful and kind Midgardian woman. If either of us is undeserving of the other it is I, not her."

Frigga pursed her lips and slumped back against the bench in a very un-queenly manner. Her arms crossed and her feet shot out before her. Finally she nodded.

"Fine, I'll admit that she seems a nice woman - not nearly worthy of you - but decent," She sighed, "I don't see how _you_ could be undeserving of her though."

"Think about it," Loki laughed, wrapping his arm around her and pulling close, "At least Jen never tried to take over a planet."

"I've told you a thousand times not to mention that to me! I don't like to think of that!"

"But it happened."

"Stop it! I'm not listening!"

Loki rolled his eyes and watched as the sun began to set, allowing the silhouettes of the Avengers to show as they tried to stop Hulk from crushing things that Stark would undoubtedly have to pay for. As the Asgardian watched he caught a glimpse of She-Hulk grasping her cousin in a headlock and yelling at him to calm down.

"One thing I can say for her," Frigga said, watching the spectacle as well, "She'll be sure to keep you in line if you ever try something like world domination again."

It was Loki's turn to pout. "I thought we weren't talking about that."

"One more thing - if she's lying, don't come crying: Mother knows-"

"Mother…" Loki groaned.

Frigga smiled and wrapped her arms around her younger son. She was still not a fan of She-Hulk, but this wasn't the correct way to go about showing it… next time she'd be ten times more sneaky.

**A/N: I don't know if I'll bring Frigga back, but she was fun to write (probably totally OOC too). I know this chapter was really fluffy more than anything else, but I think we got a good bit of humor in there. I hope you liked it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Avengers or Tangled.**

**By the way, if you like the idea of Asgardians singing Disney songs I happen to have two stories on such a subject. One is a Frozen crossover and the other is a Tangled crossover. You can find them on my page if you're interested. :)**

**Thanks for reading, hopefully the next update won't be so far away, and please leave a review telling me what you thought. Until next time! **


	18. Haircut

Captain America was wandering around Avengers Tower with a pair of scissors in hand. He absently snapped them open and close as he walked around, peering through every open door. Unable to find what he was looking for he finally gave in to the convenience of the robot butler.

"Uh, JARVIS?"

"Yes Mr. Rogers?"

"Can you tell me where Natasha is?"

"Ms. Romanoff is currently in the gym."

"Of course! Why didn't I check there first?" He nodded his thanks to the disembodied voice and went to find the Black Widow. When he found her she was doing a flip over an arrow that Hawkeye had fired in her direction. Landing, she spun around and fired a foam dart at her partner from a special Nerf stinger Tony had created.

"Hey Widow?" Steve called.

"Busy crushing Clint. Can't talk." She snapped, firing another dart, which Clint easily avoided.

"You are so not crushing me! I'm winning!"

"That's what you'd like to think, isn't it?" The redhead grinned.

"No, I _know_ I'm gonna win."

"Is that so?" She said, suddenly leaping into the air and shooting with deadly accuracy… if foam darts were deadly.

"Da- dang it!" Clint growled, sending a quick look at his language-conscious friend in red, white, and blue.

"Okay, Steve, what did you want?" Natasha grabbed a towel and dabbed at her sweating forehead.

Cap held up the scissors and gestured to his head. "I was wondering if you could give my hair a trim. If you're too busy it's fine… I just thought I'd ask around here before I paid the ridiculous price they demand at barber shops these days."

"Sure thing. Why don't you wait in the kitchen and I'll be up in a sec."

o*o*o*o

Steve took one of the bar stools and set it in the middle of the kitchen. Rummaging through the drawers, he found a towel and tied it around his neck to keep the hair off of himself. He placed the scissors on the counter, hopped onto the stool, and waited for his friend.

Natasha popped into the kitchen, grabbed the scissors, and began trimming. As she snipped away his blond hair she hummed a little. Though the tune was hard to make out, Steve thought he heard bits of the national anthem.

"Hey, back in the day did you ever get a buzz cut?"

Steve was about to shake his head, but thought better of it and replied verbally. "Nah, my hair wasn't so long that anyone made a fuss over it and it didn't really need much upkeep," He laughed a little, "However, I do know how to _give_ a buzz cut if you know anyone in need of one."

"I like my hair just the way it is, thanks," She cut loose one more strand and then nodded, "Done."

"Thanks, Nat. I'll sweep up this hair on the floor and you can get back to training if you like." Steve offered and Black Widow left. The super soldier grabbed a broom and began collecting the clippings on the floor to toss them out.

"You look different, Friend Steve."

"New haircut, Thor." Steve replied as the Asgardian carefully stepped over the pile of hair to the refrigerator.

"Haircut?"

"You can't tell me people don't get their haircut on Asgard. I know your hair is long, but you've be around for a thousand years, right? Your hair would trail behind you."

Thor laughed. "Of course we get our haircut!"

"By the looks of you and your brother most people wouldn't believe it."

"I was simply surprised that you needed a trim. Your hair is already quite short."

Steve subconsciously touched his freshly cut hair. "I'd say it's about average."

Thor gave him a curious look. "Really? On Asgard short hair is the sign of a servant. Long hair is for kings."

"Well, I'm not really a king, am I?" Steve smiled and finished cleaning up, "I'm really more of a servant… a servant of freedom."

"Oxymoron."

"Maybe."

Thor grabbed a juicebox from inside the fridge and took a long slurp from the straw. "Do you think I should get my haircut to better blend in here? If am learning the Midgardian ways then it might be easier if I made an attempt to act like you."

Steve shrugged. "There are guys here with long hair too, but if you want a haircut I might be able to help you out."

"I shall think on it, Captain." Thor nodded, took one more slurp from his juice - finishing it off - and left the kitchen.

o*o*o*o

"No! You can't make me, Thor! I refuse! Stop it!" Loki's voice whined from the hallway.

Steve looked up from his mission file as Thor dragged his brother into the living room with a triumphant smile. The captain raised an eyebrow as Loki tried to escape but Thor held him in place.

"Captain, I have thought about it and I think both Loki and I could do with a trim. Will you assist us in this endeavor?" Thor asked. He gripped Loki's arm as the dark haired man tried to wriggle away and finally just tossed his brother on the floor and set Mjolnir on his chest.

"Thor! That's not fair, let me up!"

"Thor, I don't think Loki wants his haircut." Steve pointed out.

"Now I know how you got your rank, you are the captain of the obvious!" Loki seethed, "Of course I don't want my hair to be cut! Long hair is the mark of a king!"

"Seeing as you are not a king, I see all the more reason to get it cut." Thor commented snidely. Loki tried in vain to get the hammer off, but to no avail.

"If you want your hair cut, Thor, I don't mind helping, but I'm not going to try and cut his hair. He'll probably turn me into a snake or something."

"A snake would be too good for you," Loki warned, "I'd make you a rat!"

"I'm not cutting his hair." Steve declared.

Thor sighed and thought for a moment. "You know, brother, Jennifer once told me that she thought you would look good with shorter hair."

"You are awful at lying."

"I'm not lying! Call her up and ask her yourself." Thor smirked.

"I would, were I not trapped under Mjolnir." Loki snapped.

"Oh. Right." Thor removed his weapon and Loki started to run off, but not before Thor could get in the last word, "You're sure you don't want to call Jennifer? What if she secretly despises your hair and only puts up with it because you are her lover?"

Loki paused, snatched a phone, and stomped off to his room. Thor grinned again. If Jennifer told Loki to do something it usually got done.

o*o*o*o

Steve told Thor to sit on the stool and he got out a towel. He tied it around Thor's neck and then grabbed the clippers. Right before he got started Loki burst into the room with an unpleasant scowl on his face.

"Jennifer expressed that, in her opinion, my hair is becoming a 'rat's nest', and that she would, indeed, like it if I were to have it cut."

"Get in line." Steve nodded and Loki sat on a vacant stool.

"I am so glad that you conceded, brother! Now we shall both fit in more with the members of this realm." Thor swung his legs happily from the stool as Steve began to cut his hair. While the super soldier worked on the blond, Loki checked the messages on his phone. He became so absorbed in his browsing that he didn't notice when Thor ran from the room after Steve had finished his haircut.

"Uh…" Steve said, "Are you certain you want me to cut it?"

"Might as well. We've gone and gotten Thor's hopes up and I certainly don't want to go back on my word to Jen."

"Okay then."

"Your voice sounds apprehensive. Why?" Loki asked, still looking at his phone.

"No reason." And so began the haircut.

o*o*o*o

Half an hour later, both Asgardians stared at themselves in the mirror. Their eyes were wide and their mouths hung open in surprise. Surely the image in the glass could not be correct.

"Loki?"

"Yes Thor?"

"I _may_ have invited Jane and Jennifer over for a movie night."

"Thor?"

"Yes Loki?"

"I hate you."

"That's fair."

The brothers both heaved a sigh and left the bathroom. It took them another hour to work up enough courage to let anyone else see their new haircuts, and then it was only because Jen and Jane had arrived. Even then they wouldn't have gone out except that JARVIS told them Tony was attempting to entertain the women while their boyfriends were "getting ready".

"Glad you could join us." Jennifer joked when she heard them enter the room. She turned to say hello and dropped her mug of coffee. Hearing the crash, Jane turned to look as well and burst out laughing. Tony Stark snapped a picture.

"I am _so_ turning Rogers into a rat." Loki muttered.

"I will hold him down for you." Thor nodded.

"Oh come on," Jennifer snickered, "It's not that bad… it's just different." She patted her boyfriend's head and then let loose her laughter.

"Wow." Stark grinned, for once at a loss for words.

"Thor," Jane smiled, "You look… nice."

"Thank you." The thunderer smiled stiffly.

"I just never pegged you as a buzzcut type of guy." Jennifer snorted.

"_You_ said I should get a haircut." Loki pointed out.

"True, but not that short!"

"Bruce, Romanoff, Barton, you have got to see this!" Tony called, "I assume Spangles has already seen?"

"He is the one who did it."

"He is my new best friend." Stark took another picture.

The rest of the Avengers entered the room, taking pictures and sharing the Asgardian's new styles with as many people as they could through social media. In a matter of minutes it became an internet sensation.

o*o*o*o

During the next week Thor and Loki hid in their rooms for most of the time, but soon Thor got called out on a mission. The mission went extremely well, considering the HYDRA agents they were supposed to take down couldn't stop laughing and were easily captured.

After much ridicule from their housemates, Loki finally came up with a solution. He simply cast a spell over their heads that made it look like they had hair again. This worked well until Odin caught wind of their dilemma. Loki's spell was overridden by the King of Asgard and they were left with buzzcuts once more. There was nothing they could do but wear hats.

One thing was for sure, they never let Captain America cut their hair again - or anyone for that matter.

**A/N: Hi guys! It's been a while, huh? I was doing NaNoWriMo all November so I didn't really want to write anything else while doing that, which meant no updates. Sorry! I'm back now, but I don't know how regularly. I've got a lot of stuff going on. Anywho, I hope you liked this chapter. It's kind of short, but I thought it was kind of fun. :) **

**About the long hair/short hair thing: in Norse culture that really was true. Long hair was for important dudes and short hair was for slaves. Both Thor and Loki get longer hair through out the movies if you notice... **

**Thanks for reading! Please review/favorite/follow! :) Till next time!**


	19. Christmas

**A/N: Hello everyone! Welcome to the Christmas (sorry to those of you who celebrate different holidays) special of the Education of Asgardians! I worked for a very long time on this one and I hope you like it! There are some spoilers for Age of Ultron, but it still takes place in that fan-made universe where the Avengers can do whatever we want them to do without interfering with he MCU. You know, the universe where Loki lives at Avengers Tower and dates She-Hulk? The one that doesn't have a definite timeline? That's the one. Have fun with this one! :) Also, thank you so much to everyone who favorited, followed and reviewed! We're at a grand total of 95 reviews (whaaaaaat? that's awesome) 63 favs (whoa!) and 74 follows (I can't even!). Thank you so much!**

It was December and the Avengers were busier than ever. Apparently all of HYDRA and the mythical monsters, along with any other villain around, had all decided that they wanted to attack in the same month. Repeatedly. For as long as possible. Every day.

On the twenty-fourth of December, also known as Christmas Eve, the villains finally stopped their relentless plots and evilness. However, when the smoke of the last battle cleared the only thing to be seen was Nick Fury with a scowl on his face. He held a large stack of papers in his hands and gestured to a Quinjet.

"Everybody on. You need to fill out the paperwork for this month's missions."

"What?!" Tony and Clint shrieked at the same time. The rest of the Avengers groaned and began trudging to the jet.

"Listen, Nicky-boy, Pepper and I have plans for Christmas!" Tony said, poking the director in the chest, "You can't seriously expect us to stay and fill out paperwork on Christmas Eve! We'll be here all night!"

Nick flicked Tony's hand away and smirked. "Ba-humbug."

"But!"

"Get in the jet."

The billionaire pouted heavily and climbed aboard the jet. He began furiously filling out his paperwork and grumbling about unfair and stupid one-eyed men he knew. Clint did not give up so easily. He pulled Fury aside and stared at him.

"Boss…"

"Yes, Hawkeye?"

"I don't mean to complain or anything, but I also, kinda, have some plans… kinda," The archer straightened and looked down respectfully, "But I will accept any decision you make, sir."

"Glad to hear it. Get on the jet."

"Oh come on! Really?! Really Fury?!" Agent Barton stomped his foot and growled, heading for the plane. Once on board he grabbed a file and began filling it out. On the line where it requested the name of the supervising agent he simply inserted: "Director Duty-Head".

The Avengers all worked on their paperwork in angered silence and Thor watched them curiously. The Asgardian never had to fill out files for many reasons (mainly that the only time he tried the whole SHIELD system had nearly shorted out), but he felt bad for his teammates. He had never celebrated Christmas before and had been looking forward to doing so with his brother, girlfriend, and the Avengers. It was such a shame that he had nothing but time while his friends were sentenced to hours of reports and filing.

"Ugh!" Tony said after an hour into the flight, "We've been so busy we haven't even decorated the Tower yet! We were going to get a tree and cover the place in LEDs and Pep was gonna make her famous eggnog!"

"Laura and I were going to make cookies with the kids and then when they went to bed we were going to put the presents under the tree and it was going to be my first Christmas home in two years." Clint mumbled, swiping away moisture from his eyes. Natasha patted him on the back and silently mourned as well. She had been excited to spend the holidays at the Barton farm as well.

"Sorry guys," Steve sighed, "I was going to visit Peggy, but we just have to deal with what Fury gave us as fast as possible and hope we can get to our celebrations soon."

Bruce shrugged. "I didn't really have any plans besides hanging out at the Tower, but I'm sorry about your plans."

Thor slammed his fist into the wall. "Nay! I will not allow this, my friends! You all deserve a Christmas break! I shall speak with Director Fury and… and… and…"

"What? What can you do against all this paperwork?" Tony asked.

"I know not," Thor pushed his hair out of his face and tightened his grip on Mjolnir, "But I will think of something! I swear it!" With that, he hit a panel on the wall and the door to the back of the plane opened. He jumped out and flew away. The other Avengers watched him go and then got back to work. No one believed he would accomplish anything, but everyone had a small glimmer of hope.

o*o*o*o

Thor landed on the helipad and stormed inside Avengers Tower. Once he had entered he stomped into the living room and found his brother holding a pair of knitting needles and a large wad of red yarn. The moment Thor walked in Loki made the project vanish and stared innocently at his brother.

"Something I can help you with?" He asked pleasantly.

Thor didn't even bother to ask about the yarn or the docile attitude. He was too worked up about Christmas.

"Brother, Director Fury is behaving worse than a frost giant on a summer day!" He glanced at Loki and smiled sheepishly, "No offense."

Loki rolled his eyes. "None taken. What is your director doing that is so horrible?"

"He forces my companions to work away hours that should be spent with their families! He will not relent even for Barton!"

"Barton?" Loki raised an eyebrow.

Thor swallowed nervously. "Uh… Barton pleaded in a particularly piteous manner and still Fury stood firm." He lied. The look on Loki's face told Thor he didn't buy it, but no questions were asked.

"That is too bad. Oh well, Jennifer and Jane are still coming to the Tower. We may learn about this Midgardian holiday from them."

"Nay!"

"Nay?"

"We shall make this Christmas a wonderful time for my fellow Avengers if it be the last thing we accomplish!" Thor declared.

"Why should I help?"

"Because it sounds like a marvelous idea!" Jennifer Walter's voice replied as she entered the room, her arms laden with brightly wrapped packages and a platter filled with cookies.

Loki jumped to help her with the packages and when they were secured she nodded her thanks. Thor beamed happily.

"What do you say, brother?"

"Even if he stays in and reads all night I'll help you, Thor." Jen smiled.

Loki forced a smile as well. "As you said, it sounds like a marvelous idea. I can hardly wait to start."

"Excellent! Now, where do we begin?"

Jen tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Well, we should start by getting the Tower ready. That way, even if we can't alleviate some of the Avenger's work we can still have everything ready for whenever they finish. We'll have our Christmas then."

"What is the first step in decorating?"

"We need lights! Lots of lights! Oh, and red and green decorations - like bows and things," She pointed to the mantle, "We'll hang stockings there… oh! And we'll put the tree over there. Then we'll have to find some food - I already brought enough sweets to feed Thor for a month."

Loki snickered. "That is, truly, a huge amount of sugar."

"Yeah, Jane is bringing more. We coordinated it and both of us have been baking all week long. She won't get here until tomorrow."

"It sounds like you know just what to do, Lady Walters!" Thor clapped his hands together, "I shall find red and green materials to make decorations."

"Perfect. Loki, you can get the stockings. Then we'll all go get a tree together and figure out the rest of the details from there."

"Why do we need socks?" Loki asked, curious as to what kind of bizarre tradition would lead to using socks for anything Christmas related.

"To put presents in."

"Why not simply hand them to one another?"

Jen began to give an explanation, but then stopped, a glimmer in her eye. "Actually, we will give presents to each other, but the presents that go in the stockings aren't from us."

"Who are they from?" Thor and Loki asked at the same time.

"Santa Claus, of course!"

"Who?"

"You know, he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows when you've been bad or good?"

"Heimdall!" Both princes exclaimed knowingly.

"Err… no. He's sort of an… elf."

"Not a dark elf I hope!" Thor growled, "I don't care what he puts in my socks, if he's a dark elf I will best him in battle!"

"No, no, no! I'm not sure exactly _what _ he is, but I know _who _ he is. He comes on Christmas Eve, after everyone has gone to sleep and then he sneaks into every house and-"

"I don't like the sound of this!"

"Just listen, he sneaks into every house and leaves gifts for everyone." She smiled in conclusion.

"How would he get in without JARVIS alerting us to his presence?"

Loki agreed. "And why do you seem so happy about a stranger breaking into your home and leaving unidentified objects?"

"He comes down through the chimney and does wonderful things, okay? I promise that he is a good guy," She facepalmed and waved them away, "Just start decorating and I'll worry about Santa."

Thor and Loki shrugged and scurried off to do as they were bid.

o*o*o*o

At first Thor wasn't sure where he would find multiple red and green decorations, but then he decided it didn't really matter. He could make them! The next problem to solve was collecting materials to create festive decor, but that wasn't too difficult either. He made a stop in his bedroom and grabbed one of his capes. Then, he dashed across the hall and took one of Loki's capes. Finding a pair of scissors, he went to work. Within half an hour he had created red and green bows, wreaths, streamers, and stars. All that was left to do was hang them.

The handmade items were tacked, glued, and taped to every available surface in the living area until the whole place was decked out to match the princes of Asgard. Thor was quite proud of his work and went to assist Jennifer in finding some lights.

o*o*o*o

Loki first got one of his own green socks and then one of Thor's red ones and hung those over the fireplace. Then, he carefully snuck into Black Widow's bedroom. Avoiding all of the traps she had set up and deadly looking things, he made his way to her sock drawer and pulled it open. Selecting a long nylon stocking he crept back out of the room and went next door to get one of Hawkeye's garments.

Loki laughed when he found all purple socks and took one out of the corner they had been stashed into. Inside of the sock a hand grenade was stashed, which had to be carefully extracted. When that was done the trickster hung the pair of stockings on the mantle as well.

Getting one plain sock from Stark's room, a red, white, and blue one from Rogers, and an argyle sock for JARVIS, Loki entered Banner's room last and grabbed a sock. On the way out he smirked, turned back, and grabbed another sock. He hung the four regular socks on the mantle and then turned his attention on the second sock he'd swiped from the doctor. He waved his hand over it and chuckled as it grew the size of the Hulk's feet. Now there was one for everyone who lived in the tower.

The stockings looked incredibly weird hanging out for everyone to see, but who was he to argue with Midgard and its stupid sock traditions? Humans probably also hung out their underpants for New Year's Eve and their trousers for Midsummers Eve, if they even celebrated such things. Earthens were just different that way.

Now that the stockings had been hung by the chimney with care Loki found Jen and Thor untangling a string of lights from a giant ball. He snapped his fingers and the ball became untangled.

"Thanks, hon." Jen nodded, taking one end of the lights and fixing it to the doorframe. Thor took the other end and fixed it to the other side of the doorframe. There were still many lights left and the Asgardians wondered what they were for. Their questions were answered as She-Hulk darted around to different areas of the living room and hung the lights. When she was done the room glowed cheerfully.

"It looks… festive!" Thor grinned.

"Not too bad considering how short of a time we did it in," Jen agreed and Loki wrapped his arm around her shoulders, "Now we need a tree and - oh shoot!"

"What?"

"I forgot something!"

"Thor and I can retrieve it for you if you like." Loki offered.

"No, I'll get it, but that means you two are going to have to pick out the tree on your own. Do you think you can handle that?"

"Oh please, Jennifer, we are _gods_, what could go wrong?"

She gave him a wary look. "That's what you said before mowing my lawn."

"And did anybody die when I mowed your lawn?"

"Loki, an activity's success should not be judged on if anyone died or not!"

He shrugged. "But nobody died. I'm sure picking out a tree won't be that hard."

She sighed. "Fine. At least you'll have Thor to keep you in check."

Thor smirked smugly. "And to think Mother used to send _you _with me to keep me in check."

"Shut up."

"Just go to a lot and pick up a tree. There probably won't be many left since it's Christmas Eve, but just get whatever they have left." Jen instructed and the Asgardians set off to complete their task. The large green woman shook her head tiredly and grabbed her purse and coat. She needed to get some presents for everyone and the stores would probably be packed. Nevertheless, she would face the crowds to get some stocking stuffers. Jen thought it would be great fun to sneak the gifts into the stockings while her favorite Asgardians were asleep to back up her earlier claims about Santa Claus.

o*o*o*o

Thor and Loki were bundled up in their winter cloaks and armor, with a pair of mitten each. The brothers wandered around the city until they finally found a vacant lot between two rundown buildings. The lot was covered in a light layer of snow and there was only one tree in sight. They approached it.

"I don't know Thor, something about this tree doesn't seem right." Loki commented, examining the branches.

"It is a tree, correct?"

"Yes."

"Jennifer said there would not be many left and there are no other trees around us."

"True."

"She said to take whatever they had, did she not? Regardless of the condition."

"She did say that," Loki picked at the greenery, "Something about this tree just doesn't seem to fit into the idea of Christmas."

"It will be fine," Thor assured, "Now the only problem is how to get it out of the ground here and into the Tower ten blocks away."

"Did you bring a saw?"

"No."

"I guess we'll just have to take the whole thing."

Thor wrapped his arms around the trunk, braced himself and then yanked upwards. The tree's roots began to show a little, but it didn't move much. Not so easily thwarted, the thunderer adjusted his grip, gave a mighty roar, and ripped the tree from the earth. He set the tree down and the brothers examined it again.

"Now we need to get it back."

Loki's mitten clad hand tapped his chin. "Perhaps we could drag it home."

"Then it would be covered in sidewalk filth! And it might affect the shape."

"Then what would you suggest?"

"I could fly it back."

"Can you hold onto Mjolnir and the tree at the same time as well as steering?"

"Perhaps that is not the best idea."

"Nay, I think not," Loki thought a moment longer, "We could hail a cab and put the tree on top."

"I doubt the cabby would appreciate that."

"Who cares what he thinks?!"

"Loki…"

"Fine. I'll take one end and you take the other and we'll just carry it back."

They proceeded to pick up the tree and stroll back to the Tower. As they went they got many odd looks, but they ignored it beyond giving a polite smile and trudging onward. An hour later they arrived home and pulled the tree into the elevator. JARVIS said nothing the whole way up.

In the penthouse they yanked their prize into the living room and set it upright, using a couple of chairs and some rope as supports. They noticed a note on the coffee table and Loki quickly read over it.

"It's from Jennifer. She says this: Dear boys, now that you've gotten the tree please use the ornaments and lights I found to decorate it. I know it will look fantastic. Jen," He set the note down and picked up a box of little glass balls with bright colors. He took one by its hook and hung it from a branch, "This looks stupid. Midgardians have the strangest customs."

"Oh well. Let's put the rest on." Thor grabbed a handful and put them all over the tree. They'd finished in a few minutes and then wound the lights all around the trunk and plugged them in. It look decent, but still odd.

"What do you think Jennifer went to get?" Thor asked.

"Probably more food or something."

Thor sat down on the couch and admired their careful work. He thought it had a unique charm to it, but it was not something he'd want on Asgard. A thought struck him and he grinned.

"Loki, we need to bring Lady Potts and Lady Carter here! Along with Barton's… uh… his…"

Loki grinned mischievously. "Barton's what?"

"Err… goldfish?"

"Thor, I know."

"Know what? There is nothing to know."

"I know about Barton's family. He told me when he was under the effects of the scepter."

Thor's eyes widened. "No wonder he hates you so much."

"Yes, that's part of it. But he doesn't know that I actually visit his family from time to time."

"What?!"

"I don't hurt them or anything. I go in the guise of a kindly old man. His children are quite amusing."

Thor made a mental note to have Hawkeye tell his children about "stranger danger" and then jumped up. He pointed out over the city.

"We must bring the loved ones of our friends here so that we may all celebrate together!"

"I already texted Pepper," Loki declared, holding his phone aloft, "She will pick up Agent Carter. We can go and get Barton's family and bring them here."

Thor took the phone away from his brother and nodded. "You know the way?"

"Yes. Do you have access to a plane?"

"I'm sure Stark won't mind if we borrow his."

o*o*o*o

When they arrived at the farmhouse after a long and bumpy plane ride (piloted by Thor), Loki knocked on the door. When Laura Barton opened it at saw the man who had mind controlled her husband she grabbed an umbrella that was near the door and smacked him in the face with it.

"I probably deserve that."

"Mrs. Barton!" Thor greeted, "Please, I know my brother has wronged your family, but he is actually being quite helpful tonight."

"Thor, get him off of our property! I'll tell Clint about this and he will _not_ be happy."

"I beg to differ," Loki grinned, "We have been planning a Christmas surprise for him…"

"You're going to kidnap us?!" Laura shrieked, hitting him again.

"Ow! No, we came to ask if you and the children would like to come back to New York so that we can surprise Barton once he has finished his paperwork." Loki groaned, rubbing his head.

Thor and Loki continued to explain the day's goings-ons and Laura listened, umbrella always at the ready. When they had finished she nodded and called to the children.

"How do you guys feel about visiting Daddy since he can't come home to us?"

The children replied by screaming excitedly, poking Thor and Loki, and then running to get packed. Laura filled a bag with the presents that she and Clint had been planning on giving the kids and then they all boarded the plane. After a few hours they arrived back at Avenger's Tower and the kids began exploring everything.

"You guys, who are these people?" Jen asked, unwrapping her scarf and taking off her hat when she came back.

"My dear, meet Laura Barton," Loki introduced, "Mrs. Barton, this is my girlfriend, Jennifer Walters."

"You date _him_?" Laura asked, arms crossed.

"Yeah, probably not one of the wisest choices I've ever made," Jennifer smiled and elbowed her boyfriend, "But I keep him from destroying Manhattan, so there's that."

"Yes, I suppose that is an upside." Laura gave a very small smile and went to keep her kids from getting into anything dangerous.

"Now the only thing left to do is get the Avengers out of all their paperwork. Any suggestions?"

Thor raised his hand. "We could kidnap them."

"I like your thinking, but I think Director Fury would stop us."

"What if I cast a spell to make Avengers doubles and let those fill out the paperwork while we capture the Avengers and bring them back here."

"We're running out of time, so that sounds like a good plan. Let's get on the jet - I'll fly."

"You know how to pilot a jet?" Loki and Thor asked.

Jen shrugged. "I know how to do a lot of things."

o*o*o*o

Two hours later, Loki had made the doubles and the Avengers were sneaking out of the SHIELD base with Jennifer at the lead. She snuck them around a corner, ducked away from an approaching agent, and out the front door. Once outside they boarded the jet and Tony flew them in the direction of the Tower.

"Thor!" Clint exclaimed, clapping his friend on the back, "I didn't think you'd actually pull through, man."

"Loki and Lady Walters have aided my plans greatly. We have a surprise for you when we've reached home." Thor smiled.

"Even if I can't make it back to the farm this Christmas, at least I don't have to spend it doing paperwork. Thank you."

"You are welcome, my friend. I'm sorry you could not make it to the farm."

The rest of the Avengers thanked Thor, Loki, and Jennifer as they rode and they even started singing a few Christmas carols. Thor and Loki obviously didn't know most of the words, but they bellowed out the tune as loudly as they could.

o*o*o*o

When they had finally reached the Tower every Christmas song they knew had been sung and their voices were hoarse from laughter. They got off the jet and stepped into the penthouse to find the Bartons, Peggy, and Pepper all smiling brightly. Even Jane had come earlier and was beaming at her extraterrestrial boyfriend.

"Peg?" Steve grinned, running to his friend.

"Pepper!" Tony shrieked happily, pushing the others out of the way as he ran to embrace his girlfriend.

Clint had tears pooling in his eyes as he barreled over to his family and swept them into a hug. There was much laughing and happiness all around.

"Thor, you are my favorite Avenger!" Clint declared, "You could have told me you were bringing them here!"

"But that would have ruined the surprise! Besides, this was mostly Loki's doing."

Clint froze and then turned to Loki. He cracked his knuckles and then walked up to the dark haired Asgardian. He put his hands on his hips and scowled.

"Thank you for bringing my family here. Never go to my house again."

"Always happy to help." Loki winked and Hawkeye almost slugged him. Almost.

They gathered in the living room where all the decorations were set up and the Avengers let out a collective gasp. Their attention was drawn first to the tree, and then to stockings. Tony snorted and covered his mouth to keep from laughing.

"Nice tree guys…"

"Uh…" Steve stared at the greenery brushing the ceiling, "It's unique."

"Wow." Clint commented.

"You know Christmas trees are supposed to be pine, right?" Natasha asked, holding one of Clint's kids at her hip.

"That's what didn't seem right!" Loki exclaimed, "I told you, Thor!"

"Well, I don't see anything wrong with having an oak tree instead." Thor pouted, "I think it looks wonderful!"

"It's cool," Jane nodded, snuggling into his side, "It could be a new tradition."

"Sure, why not?" Tony shrugged.

"I like it." Bruce agreed.

"And are those my nylons hanging from the mantle?"

"They were the only socks I could find for you." Loki shrugged.

Everyone laughed and then took seats on the couches, eating the sweets that Jen and Jane had made. Even with the huge quantity of cookies, the treats were devoured in the course of an hour. But that didn't matter, everyone was having fun chatting, singing, and playing board games. Around midnight Clint declared that everyone had better go to bed.

"After all, Santa won't come until everyone is asleep!" His kids gasped and ran to their father's bedroom, where the entire Barton family had decided to spend the night - despite the excessive amount of space in the Tower.

"You know of this home-invader as well?!" Thor asked Hawkeye, "Jennifer was speaking of him, but I thought she jested!"

Clint grinned. "Oh yeah, Santa is totally real. He brings presents in the middle of the night. You'd better go to bed or he won't give you anything but coal."

Thor's eyes widened. "Very well, but if I hear him out here I will come and meet him to insure he is not here to harm us."

"Wait! Before we go to bed, should we not exchange the presents from one another?" Loki suggested, producing a brightly wrapped package.

"You got a present for someone?" Tony asked incredulously.

"Not for _you_. And I got two presents, actually," Loki pulled out another package and handed it to Jen, "One for my lovely girlfriend," He turned to Thor, "And one for my… brother."

Thor gasped in excitement and pounced, drawing his brother into a crushing hug. "Thank you!"

"Just open it, you oaf!" Loki grunted.

Thor couldn't keep the smile from his face as he carefully unwrapped his present. He wanted to savor the moment as long as possible. When the paper was finally off his grin widened. A red, hand knit scarf sat amidst the wrapping. It was clumsily made, and had holes in places, but it was obviously made with care.

"Did you make this, brother?"

Loki tucked his hands into his pockets and looked at the floor, hiding a blush. "Well, when mother was last here I asked her to teach me to knit… I thought it might be a less frowned upon activity than texting. I also happened to have some red yarn and… well… I'd obviously never wear anything of that color so I thought you might enjoy it."

Thor wrapped it around his neck and displayed it proudly to all of those around him. Then, he ran to his room and returned with a bundle wrapped in plain brown paper. He handed it to Loki and then smiled hugely.

"And for you."

Loki peeled off the paper and was delighted to find that his poetry trophy (wounded in a previous adventure) had been fixed. He smiled slightly and patted his brother's shoulder.

"Thank you, Thor. Even though you broke it in the first place."

"Jen, open yours!" Bruce demanded, wanting to know if it was a horrible gift he could mock Loki for getting or not.

"Oh, alright," She pulled of the paper and found a pair of socks, "Oh, um, wow… thank you!"

Bruce took a deep breath and prepared to berate his cousin's boyfriend, but Loki spoke before he could.

"These are no ordinary socks, my dear Jennifer, these socks will fit both normal humans as well as Hulks. They will stretch to any size you require."

Bruce's jaw dropped and Jen hugged her boyfriend. "These are perfect! It's always such a chore to find socks that fit. Thank you for listening."

"I am exhausted; can we finish up with presents tomorrow?" Steve asked, "And I think Peg needs to get home."

"Oh you're no fun at all, Steve. I can stay out past my curfew if I want."

"Come on, your nurse is going to have my head if I don't get you back soon." The captain scooped up his friend and left. The rest of the Avengers filed out and went to their rooms.

Once most had gone to bed Jen went to a broom closet and took out a shopping bag she'd gotten earlier. Inside there were several stocking stuffers. The jade giantess smiled to herself and snuck out to the living room. Putting a few goodies into every sock, she paused at Tony's and dropped in a lump of coal.

"Yes, out of everyone I think he deserves it," A voice whispered from behind her. Jen spun around and jumped. Loki was leaning on the doorframe and watching her work, "Although, for lying about Santa Claus, perhaps you should get coal too."

"Hey! You're supposed to be in bed!"

"So are you."

"Fair. I just thought I would surprise you guys. Don't tell Thor, okay?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't dream of it. Let me help you."

They finished filling the stockings and then headed for the bedrooms. Jen was about to turn toward her guest bedroom, but Loki grabbed her arm and point upward. Above the door there hung a sprig of leaves.

"How did you know about mistletoe?" Jen asked.

"I watched too many Christmas movies." Loki replied, kissing her. They stood like that for a moment before Jen pulled away and darted off to her bedroom.

"Goodnight! And merry Christmas!"

"To you as well." Loki smirked, going to his own room.

o*o*o*o

As the adults slept the next morning Clint's kids and Thor ran out to the living room to find their socks filled to the brim. The children each grabbed their stocking and began going through the goodies inside. Thor simply stared at his sock in bewilderment.

"JARVIS?"

"Yes sir?"

"Did Santa Claus visit last night whilst we lay asleep?"

"Yes sir, though Father Christmas was wearing a bit more green than he usually does." The AI replied craftily. Thor nodded and joined the children in looking through his stocking.

When the grownups woke up they all took the candy and treats out of their stockings as well. Bruce laughed when he saw the Hulk-sized stocking filled to the brim with walnuts that would require some "smashing" to get open. Tony pouted at his lump of coal.

Once everyone had opened their presents they ate some breakfast. The food consisted of bacon, pancakes, and scrambled eggs in great quantities. As everyone munched away there came a knocking at the door. Thor jumped up and ran to open it.

"Good morning, Thor." Nick Fury smiled grimly.

"Director!" Thor yelped.

"Have you seen the other Avengers around? Turns out they vanished from our facility last night and I thought they probably came here."

"No. Have not seen them. Perhaps they went somewhere else for the holidays. Try Stark's Malibu house." Thor suggested, beginning to close the door. Nick stuck his foot in to keep it open.

"I smell food. Are you cooking?"

"Jane and Jennifer Walters came over so Loki and I would not be alone. They made breakfast. We are eating together."

"Could I have some?"

"I'm afraid there isn't enough to go around." Thor smiled politely and then slammed the door. If the director hadn't moved his foot it would have been crushed. Nick rolled his one eye from outside and gave up. The Avenger doubles had already finished the paperwork so the only reason he'd really come was to scold them. It wasn't worth the effort.

Fury turned and began to leave when he heard the door behind him open. Loki popped his head out and waved.

"Merry Christmas, Director!" Then the Asgardian pulled his head back in. When Nick looked down at himself he was dressed in all red with a fluffy white beard hanging off his chin.

"Loki!" He bellowed. Then, sighing, he turned to go, "Merry Christmas to you too Avengers."

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I hope it wasn't too weird... I hope you have a wonderful Christmas season. I, for one, am super psyched about celebrating my Savior's birth and just having a wonderful Christmas. I hope you have a good one too! :D Until next time (which probably won't be until January)!**


	20. Cooking

**A/N: Wow, it's been a while since I've written one of these! Hopefully my updates will be more frequent now that I'm all graduated *hive fives myself* and done with high school. I hope you like todays episode of The Education of Asgardians, the idea for which was suggested by GiGiStarflier. Thanks for the fun idea, sorry it's taken me so long to get around to writing it. I'd also like to thank home3 because they sent me a review very recently which reminded me that I have some charming readers for this story and that it needed an update. :) Enjoy!**

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_ Bruce Banner sat in the tower reading over a newspaper article about some wall-crawling menace or something of the sort when the cell in his pocket began to screech loudly. Putting the paper down, the scientist took out his phone. To his delight, it was his cousin that was trying to contact him. This was particularly exciting since the only person in the tower Jennifer called was her boyfriend. Hastily answering, Bruce nearly dropped the phone in his eagerness.

"Jen?" He asked. There was sobbing on the the other end and the scientist stood up in shock and worry. Jennifer never cried! At least, She-Hulk never cried and it was very rare that Jennifer stopped being her green self, "Jen, what's wrong?!"

"I'm sorry," She sniffled loudly, "I'm trying not to cry, hang on…" There was an enormous noise that sounded like an elephant's greeting, but was actually the woman blowing her nose, "Sorry."

"Are you okay? Why are you crying?" Bruce asked as Loki passed by the lab. The trickster took in the worried expression of the scientist and paused. Misery was always fun to watch.

"What? Oh. I'm fine, I promise. It's just…" And the sobs intensified.

"Jen, what happened? What's upsetting you?" Bruce demanded. If someone or something had hurt his favorite cousin that someone or something was about to be smashed.

Hearing a name that meant something to him, Loki stepped farther into the room and watched the doctor carefully. Something was upsetting Jennifer? Why had she called Bruce and not him? Unless _he_ was the thing upsetting her! Had he forgotten some Midgardian holiday? An anniversary of something? It wasn't Valentines or her birthday, he was certain.

Bruce listened to the phone for a bit longer, worry growing on his face. Loki's gut clenched. Was she okay? Had something horrible happened?

"Do you want to come over? I can cook you dinner or we can get takeout if you like."

Why was Bruce offering Jennifer dinner? What in the nine realms was going on?

The doctor nodded solemnly. "Of course. Okay, you do that. I'll see you then." When Bruce turned around he gave a shout of surprise. Loki was mere inches from him and with a look of concern and concentration. The trickster was glaring and waiting for something. "What do you want?"

"Why is Jennifer upset?"

Bruce rolled his eyes and pushed past the other man. "None of your business."

Loki gaped, open mouthed. "None of my business?! You've just received a call from my girlfriend and kept asking her if she was okay. Why shouldn't it be any of my business?! Is she hurt? Is she mad? Is she in trouble?"

"She's coming over for dinner."

"Yes, but why?!"

"Because I invited her."

"Yes, but why?!"

"Because she needed a shoulder to cry on."

"Why is she crying?!"

"I'm not at liberty to say."

"What?! What is that supposed to mean? Is it something to do with me? Did I forget a holiday again? It's not her birthday…" He glanced at the doctor and nodded confidently, "It's not her birthday. Did I do something to offend her?"

A small smile grew on Bruce's face and he nodded. "You broke her heart."

Loki felt so irritated he could pull out his hair, which had recently grown back after a previous misadventure. "Odin's beard! How did I do that?!"

"She didn't want me to tell you."

"Then how am I supposed to know how to fix it?"

"Well…" Bruce tapped his chin thoughtfully, "I suppose if you did something really nice for her."

"I'm listening."

"Aha! I've done it!" A shout of excitement came from across the lab and both men turned and found, to their surprise, Tony was in the corner working on a computer. It looked as if he hadn't shaved for a while and when they stopped and thought about it, neither Loki nor Bruce had seen the billionaire for a while. Had he been down here the whole time?

"Tony?"

"Huh? Oh hey Banner, Loki," He nodded to each and held up a long thin device with a wire cage at the end, "Look what I made!"

"A whisk?" Bruce asked.

"A torture device?" Loki guessed.

"Pfff! No. A hairbrush!"

"That doesn't look like a hairbrush."

"That's the point! Sometimes I feel so underappreciated," Tony sighed and got up off the floor. He'd been partially buried under papers and when he got up they flew everywhere, "Anyway, it's the world's first hairbrush to have a headset that connects directly to cell phones. I figured women," He squinted, "And Loki, spend the most time with two things: hairbrushes and cellphones. Why not combine them so you can chat while brushing your hair? It also plays music."

"That's marvelous," Bruce gave his friend a pat on the head and continued his previous conversation, "So you need to do something really nice for Jen."

"Get her one of these hair brushes! She'll love it!" Tony exclaimed before tinkering with the brush again.

"I was thinking more along the lines of making her dinner."

Loki narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "I thought _you_ were supposed to make her dinner. Don't try and use Jen to get me to complete your tasks… again."

Tony snorted happily as he played with his creation. Loki glared back.

"No, no. That's not what I'm doing. It's just… Thor wanted to spar with me and I don't really have time to make dinner. Of course I'd give up sparring to make Jen a hot dinner because I'd do anything to help my cousin when she's feeling down after her idiot boyfriend broke her heart, but I understand if you aren't as willing to help."

"Very well, I shall cook her dinner. Though I have no skill in this area and it is your job anyways, I will produce something edible for the woman I love," He said with great determination. Clamping his fist to his chest and turning to head out the door, he paused and looked back, "Sparring with Thor? I feel as if you are about to get a horrible injury or turn into the Beast."

"Just go make dinner."

* * *

Jennifer would arrive at the tower in two hours so Loki had that long to prepare, cook, and serve a mind blowingly delicious dinner that would convince her not to be upset with him for whatever it was that he had done. He didn't want to be sentimental or anything, but Jennifer was one of the few people in his life that he actually _wanted_ to be around. Everyone else either hated him and were keeping an eye on him or loved him and wanted him to stop being the trickster that he was so that they could go back to being brothers like in the good old days. Thor represented the majority of the second category. Jennifer didn't hate him and hadn't even known him before the whole alien invasion thing. She was special to him and if he'd done something to offend her he wanted to make it right.

Of course, Thor thought this was the most hilarious thing he'd ever heard of. The older brother had walked into the kitchen and found Loki flipping through a cookbook. The sight was unusual for, it was not Loki's turn to make dinner and he didn't even like cooking when he had to. Demanding explanation, Thor had laughed heartily when he heard the cause for this project.

"Brother, you really think that forcing your beloved to eat _your_ cooking will cause her to forget whatever you did to hurt her in the first place? I think, perhaps, you ought to try something else."

Loki was so focused on reading through a recipe and determining whether or not he could pull said recipe off, he didn't even notice that Thor was talking to him instead of sparring with Banner. The dark haired man decided that he could not, in fact, cook creme brulee, whatever that was, and turned the page.

"She has been promised dinner and dinner she shall have," He remarked, "Besides, with women it is usually the thought that counts anyway. Like the time I mowed her lawn."

Thor chuckled. "You never did tell us how that went. Jennifer was silent on the subject as well. Was it horrible?"

"Not one of my finest moments," He admitted, "But she appreciated it nonetheless. I assume it will be the same with whatever I end up cooking."

"You forget, as you said, that she is _heartbroken_. That means she is going to expect the best. To mend her heart you may have to do better than heating a can of the Soup of Campbell's."

Loki scowled. He hated it when Thor was right, such an occurrence made it seem the universe was doomed. However, he realized that if Jennifer truly felt this way then he would need a more powerful weapon that Hot Pockets or Chef Boyardee.

Looking at the cookbook with renewed determination, the fallen prince set out to find a high quality dish that he could successfully cook. In the end, he decided to make something called lasagna.

"Thor, we must heat the oven." Loki commanded.

"Why 'we'? It is not my lady-love that is heartbroken."

"Because you…" He paused, truly unable to come up with a reason why his brother should help him, "Well, I just feel that this is something that we ought to do together."

Thor beamed and wrapped his brother in an enormous hug. "Of course I will help you! We shall conquer this la-za-ga-na together!"

"Wonderful," Loki rolled his eyes, wishing he hadn't asked for help, and broke free of the embrace, "First things first, we must 'preheat the oven to three hundred and fifty, little o, capital F'. Any idea what that means?"

"Ovens are typically hot, are they not? Perhaps this simply means that we must arm ourselves with the knowledge that the oven is warm."

"And the three hundred and fifty, little o, capital F?"

Thor shrugged. "Cooking time?"

"Three hundred and fifty what? Minutes, seconds, hours? And what of the random letters?"

"Let us try seconds first. I can think of only one explanation for the letters. 'On Friday', meaning this dish can only be prepared on Fridays. Luckily for you, it is Freya's Day."

Loki very highly doubted that this was what any of this meant, but it was all they had to go on for the moment and two hours was not a lot of time to work with. He sighed and read the next bit from the cookbook. "We must boil some water to cook the noodles in. What noodles?"

"You must read what ingredients you need beforehand to be sure we have everything we need! And you say I am the foolish one."

"Shut up. Do we have la-za-ga-na noodles or not?"

Thor browsed through the pantry. "Nay."

"What can we use as a substitute?" The way things were going made it clear that there was no time to run to the store.

"Macaroni noodles?"

"Norns no! Look at the picture, you oaf! The noodles must be laid across the dish. What else?"

"Bread is composed of grains and carbohydrates and will lay nicely. Can we use that?"

Loki considered and nodded. "Yes, I think that will work. Put a loaf in the pot and then turn on the stove. I will fill the pot with water."

They boiled the bread, mentally replacing the word "noodles" for "slices" in their minds whenever they came across it in the cookbook. When the loaf of bread had been cooked it looked like an enormous, soggy, blob. Utterly disgusting to the Asgardians, but perhaps it was appetizing to the people of earth. Following the instructions, they placed the bread blob aside and began their quest for ground beef. As Captain Rogers was on a health craze (again) the only meat they could find in the fridge was salmon. Certain it didn't matter what kind of meat they used, they cut the chunks of fish into smaller chunks and then tried to "brown" it in the skillet with a few spices. The meat did not do what they wanted for sometime and when it had been thoroughly browned it was also quite crispy and smelled of smoke. The Asgardians shrugged and supposed it was just how salmon behaved.

"In a bowl, mix the cottage cheese, eggs, and parmesan cheese until well combined," Loki read aloud and then furrowed his brow, "What is cottage cheese?"

"Cheese made in a cottage I would wager." Thor mused.

"Odd," Loki shrugged as he could think of no other explanation, "Very well, fly out and find a cottage and ask if they have any cheese."

"Where am I supposed to find a cottage?"

"Google it," Loki commented, finding something labeled powdered parmesan in the fridge and eggs to go with, "While you do that I will find a tomato sauce."

Thor, who loved using the All-Google, quickly found a computer, typed in "cottage New York" and found an address. He did not read that it was actually a Chinese restaurant, but then, Thor had never been very patient. Flying off the balcony, the prince was certain he would come back with the best cottage cheese known to the realms.

Meanwhile, Loki was looking for tomato sauce. He could find no such thing in the cupboard, fridge, or even Clint's secret snack drawer. Shrugging, he decided that it would be no problem to make his own as they had a multitude of tomatoes. Rather than looking up a recipe, as he probably should have, Loki took all the tomatoes he could find and put them in the blender. This might have worked, however he forgot the lid to the blender. JARVIS was about to call out a warning, but the Asgardian hit the "on" button before the AI could say a word. Bright clumps of red flew everywhere and hit everything. Loki was particularly covered in the fruit and had gotten it all over his face. He blinked in shock before wiping off his eyes to allow better vision.

There was a shocked gasp from the kitchen doorway. Loki spun around, ready to pummel anyone who mocked his cooking skills (or lack therefore of) and found Black Widow staring at him. She took in the red liquid that was coating everything near the trickster and narrowed her eyes.

"What did you just do?!" The assassin hissed, crouching into a fighting position.

"It's not as bad as it looks," He noted shaking a blob of almost-ketchup off of his hand, "We needn't speak a word of it to anyone."

"Fury will hear about this. Thor will hear about this and then Odin will. Maybe he'll have the brains to finally take you out of our hair."

"Really Romanoff, don't be so dramatic. I have done nothing wrong. I simply-" He noticed that she was no longer in the doorway, probably having run off to tattle about his mess to Stark or Rogers. Loki sighed and went back to blending tomatoes, this time with the lid on.

When he had what he considered a lovely sauce he began cutting off slices of the soggy bread blob and laying them in a thirteen by nine pan as instructed by the book. After the layer of "noodles" he spread a mixture of "tomato sauce" and browned salmon. Now he just needed to wait for Thor to return with the…

"I have the cheese made in a cottage!" Thor announced, stepping into the kitchen and dropping Mjolnir on the counter. He held out a small takeout container, "Actually… it is not cheese it is something called toe-fool. The cottage I found said they had no cheese or dairy products of any sort."

"Tofu," Loki corrected, having heard Rogers talk of it before, "I'm sure if the cottage told you it would work as a cheese substitute then it will suffice. Mix it in with the eggs and parmesan powder."

Thor did as he was instructed and then they spread the alternating layers of meat, "cheese", and "noodles". When they'd finished that they began the search for mozzarella cheese in the refrigerator. The only thing they found was a cardboard pocket filled with mozzarella sticks from some fast food restaurant that Rogers had somehow missed when he purged the fridge of junk food. The brothers cut the mozzarella sticks up and sprinkled them over the top of the lasagna. Following the instructions, they covered the dish in aluminum foil and placed it in the oven. Then they waited three hundred and fifty seconds. When the timer they'd set made a cheerful _ding_ they took it out and stared in disappointment. It was not cooked.

"Where did we go wrong?" Thor asked, watching the food carefully as if he could will it into edibleness.

"I know not," Loki rubbed his chin thoughtfully and then glanced at the clock. Jumping in surprise, he rushed to grab two plates from a cabinet and some silverware, "Jen will be here any moment! I must set the table! Thor, find a way to cook it and…" He considered what other instructions to give. He settled on the classic, "Don't mess anything up."

"I shall do my best!" Thor announced, thinking of ways to cook the raw dish.

Loki dashed to the dining area and quickly set the table. Once the necessary objects were in their places he thought some candles might help and magicked them into place. Finally, he decided to put a flower in the middle of the table. He nodded at his work and was about to assist Thor with the cooking when the doorbell rang.

Rushing to open the penthouse entrance, Loki nearly tripped over his own feet. When the door was opened Jennifer stood there, right off from work by the looks of things, and trying to hold back tears. Loki wanted to hug her and make her feel better, but from what he'd heard of her current situation, she may not like that. Instead, he quietly took her arm and led her to the dining room.

"What's all this?" She sniffled, "I was expecting some pizza or something."

"Jennifer, to make things up to you for whatever I did to cause you pain, I decided to cook dinner." He swept his arm out grandly to showcase his charming table settings.

"Cause me pain? Loki, you didn't-"

"Hush, hush, we needn't talk about it. Allow me to serve you a meal I cooked myself. I hope you like la-za-ga-na."

Jennifer stared at him for a moment and then understanding covered her face. "Lasagna? You made me lasagna?"

Unfazed by the correction, he nodded and pulled out a chair for her. "Yes. I wanted to show you how much you mean to me, my dearest Jen."

"Well thanks, but you really didn't have to-" She stared as Thor rushed past them, dish in hand, to the balcony. He smiled briefly at them before flying off of the balcony to the roof where they could not see him. Loki portrayed the very idea of confusion for only a second before he smiled hugely and sat down himself.

"He's putting some last touches on the la-za-ga-na, err, the lasagna," They stared at each other in silence for a moment as they heard thunder crack outside and a shout of terror from the roof. Loki smiled all the wider and tried not to let on that he was thinking of all the ways he could kill his brother, "I'm sure it's fine."

"Uh…" She-Hulk was gripping a tissue, though her tears had stopped, "Listen, you really don't need to-"

"It is finished!" Thor boomed, bursting back inside, now all wet from the rain that was pouring outside of the tower. He was smiling and held a steaming dish in his hand.

"Whoa!" Jen stared at the slightly singed man, "Thor did you strike yourself with lightning?!"

To his credit, Thor's smile never wavered as he placed the dish in the center of the table. "Yes, a bit."

"Why on earth would you do such a thing?!"

"The oven appears to be broken so I thought I would bake the dish using a different method." Still smiling, he bowed and exited the dining area.

"I have never had lasagna cooked with lightning before." Jen noted, staring skeptically at the blackened mess before her.

"It's a very popular method in…" Loki searched his mind for anything to say, "Norway. They place their food outside during thunderstorms and allow the lightning to heat it." He frowned at himself and then smiled brightly at her again.

"Well then?" She gestured to the dish.

"Yes?"

"Would you mind cutting me out a piece?"

Loki searched the table for a knife frantically, but found none. He gave Jen another winning smile and pulled out one of his daggers, wiping the blade on the hem of his tunic. She didn't need to know that he was serving food with a tool he'd killed people with. It really was an insignificant detail.

Taking off the tinfoil and noticing the food looked perfectly cooked, Loki cut out a huge portion. He knew that his girl had an enormous appetite and the cookbook had promised that everyone would be begging for more once they got a bite of this delicious dinner.

Jen stared at the food. Nothing appeared wrong with it yet. She knew there had to be something off about it, though. Loki and Thor had cooked it after all. It was nearly impossible for them to not make some blunder when it came to conquering Midgardian methods of… anything really.

Loki served another large piece for himself and they dug in. The food smelled decent, but when it reached their mouths both of their eyes widened in shock. Thinking this might be how lasagna was supposed to taste, Loki forced himself to swallow. Jen swallowed as well, mostly because she didn't want to hurt her boyfriend's feelings. They gaped at each other for a moment afterwards before grabbing their glasses of water and guzzling to rid themselves of the taste.

"Norns." Loki breathed, hoping Jennifer wouldn't ask why he wasn't eating more.

"So…" She coughed, "This lasagna has an _interesting_ texture. That's not beef in there."

"Salmon, actually." Loki nodded.

"And that is not cheese on the inside."

"Tofu."

"Uh-huh… and you realize, of course, that this soggy stuff isn't noodles."

"Boiled bread."

"Boiled br- what?!"

"We could find none of the ingredients that the recipe called for so we improvised."

"Oh my word," She pinched the bridge of her nose and started shaking, "Oh my word!"

Loki was certain she was crying and quickly stepped to her side of the table and dropped to his knees. He didn't care how foolish he looked, he needed her to know that he had never meant to hurt her in anyway. He needed her to forgive him for whatever he'd done.

"Jennifer, I know it is awful, I know I can't seem to do anything right in this blasted realm, but please forgive me for the offense I have made!"

"Loki, Loki!" She looked up and he saw that she was laughing, "You didn't do anything wrong! I don't know who told you that, but I'm not mad at you."

"What? Of course you are! Banner said you are heartbroken because of something I'd done! He said you were crying over the phone and I saw for myself that you were crying when you got here!"

"I was crying because my cat died. I really loved my cat, you met him once. I was just really shaken up and Bruce invited me over to have some dinner with him so he could comfort me. I have no idea why he would tell you that I'm all broken up. I'm not."

"Dang it!" Bruce's voice exclaimed from a room over. Loki quickly figured out that he had been set up. It made sense now that the protective cousin would want him to think Jen hated him. Now that the trickster thought about it, he also realized that Thor should have been sparring with Bruce if the story was true.

"Odin's beard!" He facepalmed, "I, the god of tricks and lies have been duped."

Jen patted his shoulder. "Well, I appreciate all the work you went to anyway."

"I…" He shook his head and took her large green hand in his smaller, paler one, "I'm sorry about your cat. Stan the cat will be missed by all. I also apologize for the lasagna."

"It was sweet of you, really." She smiled and was about to say more when the penthouse door was broken down and a team of SHIELD agents burst in and clamped handcuffs on the still kneeling Loki.

"Alright boys, get him on the Quinjet. We'll take him to one of our holding facilities until we can get ahold of Odin and let him deal with this monster." Nick Fury commanded, stepping over the broken door and observing the scene before him.

"Director Fury, what is going on?!" Jen shrieked, standing up angrily. The Director, as any sane person would do, took a step away from the furious She-Hulk.

"Agent Romanoff reported that a little while ago Loki was covered in blood. When she attempted to question him he tried to convince her not to tell anyone what he'd done." Fury replied calmly.

Loki, who was struggling against the numerous SHIELD agents, laughed harshly. "Blood?! Director, it was tomatoes!"

"And why would I believe that?"

"Because I was making a tomato sauce!"

"Yeah right. Take him away, boys."

"You'll have to go through me!" Jen exclaimed, "And I have been having a bad day so I've got plenty of anger to keep me going."

"Ms. Walters, don't involve yourself in this matter. Loki has killed for the last time. We are taking him to our holding cell and then sending him up to Asgard the first chance we get." Fury gestured for his men to take the still kicking Loki out of the tower.

"He didn't kill anyone today! He really was making tomato sauce," Jen grabbed her abandoned fork, scooped up a portion of lasagna, and shoved it in the Director's mouth, "Tell me, could anyone besides Thor and Loki make _that_ awful of a lasagna?"

Fury appeared to want to vomit at the taste of the thing in his mouth. Instead he spit it onto the floor and gagged. He swore loudly and then glared at Loki. "Let him go, boys. He's obviously the one who made this."

Jen smirked and Loki rolled his eyes at the insults to his cooking abilities. The SHIELD agents began to silently file out of the broken doorway and the Director was still glaring.

"You may not have killed a person, but I think my taste buds have just been brutally murdered." He gagged again and Loki laughed darkly. At least something amusing had come from this failure.

"Apologies, Fury."

"Ugh."

"Loki?"

"Yes, Jen?"

"You know I'm not mad at you, right?"

"Yes."

"And you know I adore you for attempting to make me dinner?"

"Yes."

"Then you have to promise me something."

"Anything for you." Loki winked, still feeling like an idiot.

"Never, ever, in your long lifespan cook another thing again."

"Deal."

**A/N: So, I did a bit of research for this one. I looked up a lasagna recipe and then thoroughly destroyed said recipe. I also Googled "cottage New York" to see what I'd get and I came across a Chinese restaurant called The Cottage. I found this to be especially funny because Chinese dishes very rarely have dairy products (such as cheese) in them. I almost want to try making lasagna with boiled bread, salmon, and tofu just to see what would happen. **

**In other news, I have no idea why Tony just popped up with that hairbrush thing. I like the idea of him going missing for days on end only to be discovered under piles of junk in the lab. I also kind of like that Bruce treats him like a pet that doesn't know any better. But, that little scene really didn't have anything to do with the plot so I don't know why I added it except for my own amusement. I hope you thought it was funny. :)**

**Thanks for reading! Please follow/favorite/review!**


	21. Ghosts

**A/N: *stretches* Ten thousand years (give or take)... will give you such writers' block!** **Sorry it's been so long you guys! I have so many stories going and I'm getting ready for NaNoWriMo so I probably won't be posting for a while after this anyway, but I just had to do a Halloween story. I had so much fun writing this. I'll probably be posting a Halloween story on my other super fun story, Guardian (if you want you can check it out, it's about Thor's daughter) tomorrow if I get a chance to write.**

**I hope you enjoy this long overdue chapter! :) Happy Halloween!**

Thor was enjoying his favorite TV show, home alone, eating some candy he'd found in the kitchen, when the doorbell rang. The Asgardian sat bolt upright in his chair, chocolate smudged on his face, and looked to the security camera.

"JARVIS, who is it?"

There was a static noise over JARVIS' speakers and then a haunting tune. Thor regarded the ceiling warily. In all the time that he had been staying at the tower he'd never known the computer to be silent when asked a direct question.

"JARVIS? Why do you not answer?"

There was silence for a moment and then a shriek over the speakers. "_Bloooooood!"_

Mjolnir flew into Thor's hand and he scowled. "If this is some of my brother's trickery I do not find it amusing. Tell me who is at the door!"

"_Son of Odin, beware your fate on All Hallows Eve!"_

"Very well, I shall answer the door myself." Thor glared at the security camera in the corner and went for the door. His hand landed on the knob, but it would not turn. The door was locked from the outside.

"Who is there?" He called through the door, not wishing to break it down and irritate Stark.

"Trick or treat!" Came the giggling voices of children. Thor swallowed nervously.

"What?"

"Trick or treat!"

The voices were so high pitched and childlike that they reminded him of a movie he'd watched with Clint about a home that was overcome by ghosts. The film had been terrifying and after watching Thor had spent the rest of the night hiding under his blanket and telling himself that he was the warrior prince of Asgard and that deceased children could not harm him. He wasn't very convincing.

"Go away fiends!"

"Give us candy!" Came the shrill reply.

Thor glanced down at the bowl of candy in his hands and gasped.

"I am warning you! This is my candy and if you wish to fight me for it then you do not know who you are dealing with!"

"Is that Thor?" One of the voices asked excitedly.

"Thor won't give us any candy!"

"Hey! The people downstairs said to come up and the light on your door is on. Halloween rules: if the lights on then we get candy!"

Stifling a cry of distress at the fact that the employees in the building's lobby had been compromised, Thor quickly turned off the light that was on outside. He heard grumbles of discontent and then retreating footsteps. Heaving a sigh of relief he returned to the problem that JARVIS was playing eerie music and shrieking random phrases about death and blood.

"_You will die…_" The voice rasped, sounding a little bit like JARVIS but not quite, "_Beware!_"

"Well at least the ghosts have gone." Thor shoved another piece of candy in his mouth - wrapper and all - and leaned tiredly against the locked door. He was exhausted and not up to dealing with the weirdness of the tower malfunctions. The reason he was not out at the SHIELD party that his companions had gone to was because he was still recuperating from being stabbed by a poisoned spear. No one was certain what the poison was, but it had knocked Thor out for two days. When he'd woken up Dr. Banner insisted that he rest up and stay home.

Loki, who had been uncharacteristically worried about his brother, had been sent back to Asgard for supervision while Thor couldn't keep an eye on him. With all of the Avengers out and most of the Stark Industries employees off for the night the thunderer was all alone and still worn out from his ordeal.

"JARVIS, you will stop this foolishness now!"

"..._rip your intestines out!" _

"If you will not give me a straight answer then I shall return to my television show." Thor tiredly trekked back to the couch and turned the TV back on. Much to his disgust, the only thing he could find on any of the channels he tried was images of various monsters with blood dripping from their fangs. The haunting music continued playing over the speakers and he heard a shriek from the gym.

Slowly making his way to the scream, Thor noticed that the lights were going out in every room. He gripped his hammer tighter and opened the gym door. There was no one in the dark room and Thor could see nothing out of the ordinary. Right as he began to close the door, though, he saw a man in the mirror next to his own reflection. He looked beside him, but there was no one there and when he looked back at the mirror the other man was gone.

"Perhaps I am simply seeing things because I am so tired." He yawned. Turning to go once more he caught the flick of a light in the corner of his eye and saw a small fire up by the ceiling that seemed to be coming from a lighter. Before Thor could even guess what was going on the sprinklers went off and began spraying water everywhere.

"_Blooooooood!I" _JARVIS hissed. Sure enough, the water coming from the sprinklers was not actually water. When his face was splattered with the liquid, Thor wiped off a little and found it to be red and sticky.

"Norns!"

"_No one can help you now_…"

Quickly closing the door to the room and it's blood squirting sprinklers, Thor shuffled anxiously down the hall to the lab and locked the door behind him. He tried the light switch to no avail and stumbled about in the darkness until he found the phone. Dialing quickly, he waited through three rings before he got Tony's voicemail.

"Stark! Your house is shooting out blood and saying horrid things and there are ghost children at the door! I will do my best to defend the tower, but I fear in my weakness I may not do so sufficiently. If you receive this message then please send re enforcements!"

There was a click and the phone in his hand died.

"If there is a monster in this tower then I shall slay it. I swear on my father's beard," Thor growled, opening the lab door and stepping out into the hall, "Do you hear me, beasts? I will not cower in fear!" He began marching through the halls, checking every room for a monster or creature, but he was still weak and when he got to the kitchen he tripped and fell onto the floor.

"_Death!_"

"I'm not dead, JARVIS, I just fell down." Thor grumbled, trying to push himself up. There was a whirring sound that reminded him of screaming and he saw that the blender had turned itself on. Then the stove lit itself and the oven light turned on, casting a frightening red glow across the room and revealing a box of Poptarts burning inside the oven.

"No!"

"_Beware!_"

The Poptarts continued to burn until they were nothing but ashes and then the toaster began firing waffles. The fridge door swung open and the cabinets began to open and shut wildly.

"I understand that you must be invisible," Thor noted angrily, "And you must be very upset for some reason. Perhaps we can talk about it?"

"_Blood!_"

"No?

"_Death!_"

"I see. Well know this, my invisible foe, I will not be beaten easily."

"_Murder!_"

Thor scrambled to his feet and waved Mjolnir about threateningly. He began his hunt through the tower again and once he set foot in any room the sprinklers came on and blood squirted out. After a time it was no longer startling and just annoying. Thor was sure someone was going to be irritated about the stains left behind and if he survived he'd probably get blamed.

"_You will scream!_"

"Shut up."

"_You will bleed!_"

"Not listening."

"_And then you will diiiiie!"_ There was an evil cackle and then the music continued.

"Not if I get you first, monster."

Thor, growing tired of searching the penthouse, decided to take the elevator down to the security booth and see if the guards had any idea about what was going on. He got onto the elevator and pushed the button for the floor he needed and began his descent. Halfway to his destination the lift stopped and the doors swung open, letting on a group of children. The Asgardian regarded them warily and they stared at him with wide eyes.

"What are you looking at?"

"You are covered in blood." A little girl wearing a black cape noted. Her teeth appeared to be sharpened into points.

"I am."

"That's gross." A little boy with a knife sticking through his head said.

"Are you not in pain?" Thor asked.

"What's your costume supposed to be?" The smallest child, a girl wearing an outfit that made her look like a hotdog, questioned.

"I am wearing no costume. I am Thor!"

"No you aren't. Thor doesn't go around covered in blood." The girl with pointy teeth told him.

"Well today he does."

"I like it!" The hotdog exclaimed, "Want a Snickers? I can't have 'em cause they have nuts."

"Uh…"

"Here." She handed him a candy bar and then the elevator doors opened. The three children stepped out and continued on their way while Thor stared after them. He finally got out of the elevator as well and went to find the head of security.

When he could find no one in the security room, Thor began to get worried. He tried calling the other Avengers but none of them answered their phones. At least since he'd left the penthouse there had been no more lights going out, blood showers, or creepy music.

"Fine. I shall just wait in the lobby until my friends return and then we shall find out why JARVIS is acting oddly and why the tower appears to be haunted." Thor got up and shuffled to the lobby where he nearly screamed. The whole room was filled with small monsters carrying bags of candy.

He spotted a dragon, a chitauri, a wolf child, several ghosts, a few clowns, and multitudes of tiny Iron Men, Captain Americas, Hulks, and, less frequently, the other Avengers - including himself. He even saw one kid dressed as Loki.

Unsure of how to proceed, the weary Asgardian hid behind a potted plastic fern and waited for his friends to return.

* * *

Hours later, the child-sized monsters had cleared the lobby and Thor had fallen asleep behind his fake plant. As the other Avengers stepped into the lobby in their costumes, laughing softly about the fun they'd had, they didn't expect to see a janitor poking Thor with a mop.

"What's he doing down here?" Steve asked, pulling the sheet off of his head. He'd opted for the classic ghost for their costume party.

"Wasn't he supposed to be resting and handing out candy?" Bruce checked the thunderer's pulse. The good doctor had dressed as Shrek and was still covered in green face paint. When he'd arrived at the SHIELD party several agents had been alarmed, thinking the Hulk was on the loose, but after he'd explained everyone had laughed.

"I may have forgotten to tell him to pass out candy to kids and answer the door. And that Stark Tower is open for trick or treaters." Tony scratched the back of his head. His costume consisted of nothing but the letters "Fe" and the number twenty-six in the corner written on a T-shirt. Only Bruce and a few others at the party had thought it was funny and Tony was severely disappointed.

"Tony! Did you even tell him what Halloween is?" Steve asked.

"Um…"

"He was probably freaked out, poor guy." Natasha crossed her arms after popping a piece of chocolate in her mouth. Her red hair was braided and she wore a crown and green dress - the Princess Fiona to Bruce's Shrek.

"Well, let's get him upstairs." Clint grabbed one of Thor's arms, letting Steve take the other, and pushed the brown braid of his wig behind his back. His golden bird pin glinted in the light and his bow was strung over his back. Tony had complained that he went as Robin Hood every year and suggested the archer go as something else, so Clint decided on Katniss Everdeen.

* * *

Upon opening the penthouse door, the Avengers collectively gasped. Red liquid, which smelled a lot like cherry Kool Aid, was splattered everywhere. Cap and Hawkeye set Thor down on the couch and then everyone began talking at once.

"Tony! I can't believe you!"

"You didn't tell him about Halloween and then you covered everything in fake blood!"

"Tony!"

"That was mean, Stark!"

"Poor Thor!"

"Hey! I didn't do this!" Tony protested as eerie music played and JARVIS babbled about murder and death to the son of Odin, "Why would I spray Kool Aid over everything?"

"We know it was you," Natasha said, "Go get the mop and clean up."

"But-"

Black Widow gave him a look that said if he disobeyed it would mean death.

"Fine. It wasn't me, though."

* * *

When Thor awoke he was resting comfortably on the couch, even if he was still spattered with fake blood. He sat up and saw Tony fiddling with one of JARVIS' control panels and muttering to himself.

"Stark, you have returned!" Thor noticed that the penthouse looked relatively normal, "Was it all a dream?"

"Hey big guy," Tony sighed and put down his tools, "No, it wasn't a dream. Someone pranked you and everyone is blaming me."

"You would not sabotage JARVIS." Thor declared.

"Exactly! Ugh, J is a mess right now. I've been trying to get him back to normal, but he just keeps going on about blood."

"At least the music has stopped."

"Good point. Maybe I'm getting close."

"Who would do this? It was not an amusing jest in the least."

"My bet is on Tasha, she's acting like she's pissed off**,** but she probably set this whole thing up. Who else could mess up JARVIS so much? Not Cap, and Bruce is too nice."

"What of Barton?"

"He was so upset that he went to the library and hasn't come out since we got home. He looked about ready to cry. I didn't know that the guy had such a soft spot for you."

Thor furrowed his brow. "The library you say?"

"Mm hmm." Tony went back to working on the control panel and Thor wandered to the library door. When he found it locked, he simply broke the handle and swung the door open to find Hawkeye lounging on a chair with a bowl of candy and Loki sitting across laughing.

"And the look on his face when the Poptarts were burning!" Clint snorted.

"Did you have the camera recording? I'll want to watch that again." Loki snickered.

"Course, got the whole thing on tape and I posted it on YouTube fifteen minutes ago. One million hits already."

"Thor's humiliation, I've found, is always quite entertaining."

"Brother? I thought you were in Asgard!"

Loki and Clint jumped to their feet with guilty expressions. The candy that Hawkeye had been eating scattered all over the floor.

"Thor!" Loki yelped, a Skittle flying from his mouth, "You're awake! Thank goodness! I am so relieved to see you in good health once more! What a pleasant welcome for me after my long journey from Asgard!"

"Why is it so pleasant?" Thor asked with crossed arms and a raised brow, "Normally you rejoice at seeing me in pain."

"Uh…" Loki smiled charmingly, "I much prefer my freedom, limited as it is, on Midgard to my cell in Asgard, if you must know - of course I am relieved to see you well, it means I can be here again."

"And Barton, why do I find you laughing with my brother when you have so adamantly stated that you hate him?"

"Err, I was…" Hawkeye shrugged, "Okay, you've got me. I'm actually still being mind controlled. I will go whack myself on the head to make it go away." He tried to leave, but Thor caught him by the braid of his wig.

"You two worked together on this prank to try and scare me, correct?"

Both sighed. "Yes."

"Loki planned most of it, but he needed my help to mess up JARVIS."

"Barton refused, of course, but when he found out that Stark had no other tricks planned for you - alone as you were on an unfamiliar holiday - he couldn't pass up the opportunity."

"So Loki faked a Bifrost and hid in the library. I set off JARVIS before we left for the party and Loki took care of everything else."

"The kitchen?"

"Yes."

"The blood?"

"Kool Aid mix in the water system." Hawkeye nodded.

"The television?"

"Part of JARVIS' 'malfunction'."

"Ah. Well, I have been thoroughly fooled. Well done. Next year I shall be prepared for such trickery."

"I doubt it." Loki said, flopping back down into the chair.

"Yeah, you're too easy to fool." Hawkeye fist bumped his sworn enemy and then sat down in his own chair.

Thor took a seat as well and chuckled. "Perhaps. You really had me scared with the shadowy man in the gym mirror, I will admit."

"Mirror?" Loki asked.

"We didn't do anything to the mirror." Clint said slowly.

"There was a man in the mirror who was not myself. Was it not you, brother?"

Loki's eyes widened. "Thor, you and I were the only two in the penthouse and when you were in the gym I was setting up the kitchen."

"So who was the guy in the mirror?" Clint asked. The trio gaped at each other for a moment and then the lights went out. The only sound to be heard throughout the tower was the shrieks of two Asgardians and one archer.

**A/N: Dun, dun, duuuuuuuun! I hope you enjoyed that and that you have a spooktactular Halloween! If you're dressing up, what are you going to be? I'm gonna be a pirate because I'm always looking for excuses to dress up as a pirate. Later alligators! :)**


	22. Valentine's Day

**A/N: I feel like it's bad that I start out all of my author's notes with "been a while" or something equivalent. Sorry it has been three months since I've written one of these. I'm really bad at managing a schedule. :P **

**I wrote today's story because even if I don't have an SO, I still enjoy Valentine's day because there's chocolate and fun cards to send to your friends and there are weird drawings of half-nude babies everywhere. Which isn't exactly a plus, but it's funny. So I decided Thor and Loki and all of their friends should have a (as usual) disaster filled holiday. I hope you enjoy their melodrama. :)**

Loki was sitting at a table in the lab with a pair of scissors in one hand and some red paper in the other when his brother burst into the room, noticed what Loki was up to, and let loose a string of curse words that would have made Captain Rogers furious to hear. Putting his art supplies down, Loki grinned at seeing Thor stomping around the room angrily, knocking things over.

"Good morning!" He sang cheerfully.

"I do not see what is good about it!" Thor roared, toppling a chair. The chair was immediately righted by DUM-E, who was wheeling around after Thor, cleaning up his messes.

"The sun is shining, there have been no major attacks on the world, and if you listen closely you can hear the sound of Rogers singing," Loki tilted his head as if to listen better, "Sounds like _Party in the USA_, if I'm not mistaken."

"Shut up!" Thor glowered, slamming his fist onto the table where Loki was working, "You know very well why I am upset so stop tormenting me with your cheer."

"I haven't the faintest idea of what you could be talking about, brother mine." Loki crossed his arms and leaned back, "But I'd be willing to hazard a guess."

Thor swore some more.

"Considering what day it is and how upset you became upon seeing my project, I'd say you've forgotten to do anything for Jane on this fine Valentine's Day."

"And are you so prepared for it? Are you not making a hasty last minute card as we speak?" Thor accused, "You can't keep expecting Jen to be satisfied with 'it's the thought that counts' just so you can get by with doing a poor job of things."

"I am well aware. I have reserved a table for us at her favorite restaurant, ordered flowers to be delivered to her workplace…" He looked at the digital clock on the wall, "Now. And I am cutting out these hearts to assist Ms. Potts. She is decorating the faculty gym to throw a party for all of the Stark Tower employees - to thank them for putting up with us."

Thor grumbled something under his breath about tearing up all of the paper hearts and shoving them down his brother's throat. Loki ignored him and went back to snipping away at his decorations.

"I did not simply forget to get a card or flowers. I forgot about the entire holiday until I walked in the door and saw you cutting up that paper. Jane is in Alaska!"

"So call her and apologize. Promise to have a special date with her when she returns."

"I cannot call her. She is in the middle of the wilderness doing some sort of research and has no access to phones." He growled and knocked over the table Loki was working on. Luckily, the trickster was hanging onto his project and the paper hearts were preserved.

"Do you intend to do anything or are you just planning on moping about it?"

"Why am I such an oaf?" Thor pouted, flopping into a chair and glaring at a lighting fixture.

"No, no, no, no! Do not start-"

Big tears erupted from the crown prince's eyes.

"Crying." Loki sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I am the worst boyfriend in the history of boyfriends!" Thor exclaimed, swiping furiously at the tears, "What do I do?"

Loki took a deep breath and was about to tell his brother the plan, when Pepper Potts stepped into the room and placed a hand on his shoulder. Her grip reminded him of a bird of prey's talons.

"Tony says you can shape shift." She stated.

"Yes…" Loki said, suddenly nervous.

"The magician canceled. You're all I've got."

"Magician? What?"

"I invited the employees' kids too and the magician for the kids' party just canceled, saying that his van has a flat tire and his rabbit has gone missing," She grabbed the stack of red hearts out of his hand, "If you fill in for the Great Smellzini I will talk to Director Fury about allowing you to have a cell phone."

"Deal!" Loki snapped his fingers and he was suddenly wearing a tuxedo and a matching top hat, "Sorry, Thor, you're on your own."

Thor watched his brother go and scowled. At the moment he wanted to smash things and pout, but he knew that wasn't going to accomplish anything. He needed a plan to make this Valentine's Day as special as possible for Jane. This was his second time celebrating the holiday and the previous year he hadn't even known what it was. Jane had given him a box of chocolates and he snarfed them down without even considering why she was giving him candy. He'd vowed to do better this year and so far he was off to a less than wonderful start.

Knowing he needed a little bit of help in thinking of something he could do, he rode the elevator down to the garage and found Tony working on a car.

"It is the day of your Saint Valentine!" Thor announced.

Tony dropped the wrench he was holding and swore loudly.

"I totally forgot!" He kicked the tire of the vehicle he'd been working on, "Pep is going to be furious!"

"Ah," Thor winced, "Perhaps I have come to the wrong person seeking assistance."

"Huh?"

"I had forgotten the date as well."

"Isn't Jane gone?"

"Yes, but I should have sent a card or something. Nothing will get there in time now!"

"Yep, too late for you," Tony patted him on the back, "Help me think of something to do for Pepper!"

"Perhaps Banner can help us, he is quite inventive."

"Yeah! Bruce will know what we can do!"

So the two Avengers rode the elevator up to the penthouse and found Bruce and Clint chatting about a new type of arrow that they could make with a calming sedative to fire at the Hulk when he got out of hand. They were deep in conversation and didn't notice their comrades until Thor cleared his throat rather loudly.

"What do we do for our girlfriends on this day?" The thunderer asked.

"Are you guys planning a double date or something?" Clint asked, "Is it some sort of anniversary or something?"

"Yeah, why do you need to do something for Jane and Pepper?" Bruce added.

Tony face-palmed and pointed at a string of heart shaped lights hanging nearby. It took the two a minute and then their faces filled with realization.

"Oh no." Bruce breathed, covering his mouth in shock.

Hawkeye, like Thor and Tony before him, uttered a profanity.

"So you forgot also." Thor scowled.

"Who do you even have to forget, Bruce?" Tony asked, snorting.

"Well…" He pulled a picture out of his wallet and handed it over. The girl shown was pretty with long brown hair and green eyes. She was smiling at the camera and wearing a lab coat.

"Isn't this General Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross' daughter?" Tony gasped in mock bewilderment, "I'd heard there was a thing between you two, but I thought you'd called it off."

"Kind of. But every Valentine's Day I send her flowers and I totally forgot this year."

"Laura is going to be expecting chocolates or something." Clint groaned and then swore again.

Thor winced at his companions' absentmindedness.

"Let us ask Natasha if she has any ideas for what we can do to make up for our lack of Valentine's Day gestures."

Grumbling about how their significant others were going to be most displeased, the men searched the apartment for their friend, but could find her nowhere. Finally JARVIS took pity on them and informed them that Natasha was helping Pepper with the staff party.

Traipsing down to the party, they met Steve in the lobby. He was opening doors for people. Tony raised an eyebrow as Steve stood at attention by the front door and opened it whenever someone needed in or out of the building. This was peculiar because the doors were supposed to be automated and because this seemed to randomly chivalrous for even Captain America.

"Uh… whatcha doing?" Clint asked as the captain held the door for a woman who was so glued to her phone that she wouldn't have even noticed that the doors were being opened by a superhero rather than technology.

"The doors are broken. They went crazy opening and closing faster than anyone could get out. So the maintenance guy was called up here and he took one look at them and burst into tears."

"Huh?"

"I guess he had some big important date tonight and he knew that fixing these doors would take too long for him to be able to go on that date. I volunteered to help him out until the lobby closes and then he can come back and fix them in the morning."

"How can this guy be real?" Clint whispered to Thor, "He's a beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure."

Thor gave his friend a confused look, wondering how a person could be a delectable breakfast treat and then clamped a hand on the captain's shoulder and held the other hand out for Mjolnir. When the hammer smashed through a wall, wearing a toupee that it had undoubtedly accidentally stolen (again) as it flew through the building, Thor set it down in front of the door to keep the glass from sliding shut.

"You see, now you are free to help us locate Natasha."

"Why are you guys looking for her?"

"We need advice for what to do for our respective beloveds," Thor declared, "Since we all forgot what day it is."

"What day is it?"

"Now Cap, I know you're old, but they had Valentine's Day around before you were iced, surely." Tony said.

"Oh rats!" Steve gasped, "I completely forgot!"

"Don't tell me you are going on a date with Peggy again. It was awkward for everyone when you brought her flowers and she was already asleep and you just sat in her room with her while she was sleeping." Tony noted.

"No," He blushed, "There was someone else I was planning on asking out. A SHIELD agent."

"Well," Clint crossed his arms, "We all screwed this up. Let's find Nat and see if she has any ideas."

"One problem, how are we going to sneak into the party without Pepper seeing me?" Tony said.

"I have an idea." Thor declared.

* * *

"My toga itches!" Clint hissed into his radio.

"Do you see her or not?" Tony snapped back.

"There's too much red everywhere, I can't make out one redheaded woman amongst all this!" Hawkeye adjusted his pink quiver and twanged the gold, plastic bow he carried.

"She's got to be there somewhere, keep looking."

"Why did I have to be the one who dressed up as Cupid?"

"Because I thought it was hilarious." Tony snickered.

"So there is no real reason I had to wear the toga?!"

"Nope. It was Thor's idea though, to get you back for pranking him on Halloween."

"Loki helped and I don't see him wearing a-" Clint snorted when he saw Loki dressed as a giant pink bear handing out candy to children, "Nevermind. I'm cool with the toga."

"Barton, what are you wearing?" Loki asked as he passed out the last of his candy.

"Are we not going to mention _your_ ensemble?"

"Pepper's idea. She thought I looked too intimidating otherwise and speculated that I might scare the children."

"Okay…" Clint shook his head, "Have you seen Nat?"

"She is serving punch at the refreshments table."

The spy headed that way and when he found her she promptly burst out laughing. He glared at her and she attempted to smother the giggles.

"The guys sent me in here to retrieve you."

"Did you lose a bet?"

"We need your help."

"Clint, your clothes are probably in your room. I don't know why it's always so difficult for you to find them. Do you have this problem at the farm? Does your wife know you run around in togas?"

"Shut up and come with me."

Natasha followed him out into the corridor, making jabs at him the whole way about his costume. When they reached the other Avengers she was still commenting on the ridiculousness.

"I love the wings, now you can really be a hawk, Hawkeye."

"Okay, we get it. I'm wearing a silly costume. Now will you please help us?"

"What do you want?" She asked the assembled men.

"We all forgot it was Valentine's Day and now we need to know what to do to make it up to our girlfriends, dates, and wives," Tony said, "That sounded wrong. Two girlfriends, a date, a girl who gets flowers only on this day of the year, and one wife."

"Why the heck would I know what you should do?"

"Because," Thor explained gently, "You are a girl."

"I hate Valentine's Day. I'm only helping with the party because I wanted to see Loki have to do the magic show for a bunch of little kids. It was hilarious - they threw cake at him."

She turned on her very high heel and went back to the party, leaving the super men to ponder what they should do.

Half an hour later they were still standing in the same spot outside of the staff party, offering lame ideas to each other. After a poor quality thought was spoken aloud they would consider it, say why it wouldn't work, and then go back to thinking. This would have continued for an undetermined, but undoubtedly lengthy period of time had Loki not stepped out of the party, wearing his large pink bear costume.

"What are you all still doing here?" The trickster asked, removing the head of his costume.

"What do you mean?" Thor asked, too deep in thought to notice his brother's attire.

"I would have thought you'd flown off to Alaska by now to find Jane."

"Huh?"

"I meant to tell you earlier," Loki rolled his eyes, "Before I was asked to be a magician at a party full of insane five year olds."

"Tell me what?"

"If you really want to make today special for Jane you shouldn't send a card or flowers. You should be with her. Go visit her and freeze together in Alaska. I intend to go join Jennifer this moment and we will spend a lovely dinner together."

Putting his bear head back on, he went for the elevator and left them to their thinking. Once the elevator doors closed the super heroes seemed to jolt awake and all began to move at once.

Steve pulled out his phone and called whatever girl he'd been planning on asking out. Tony flung open the doors to the party, rushed up to Pepper, and kissed her. Bruce yanked some flowers out of a decorative vase nearby, ran out to the street, and hailed a cab, intending to deliver the flowers to Betty Ross personally this year. Clint ran off to go see if he could find an available Quinjet to get back to his wife and kids.

Thor took a moment longer than the rest to get going. He was paused in the confusion, but when everyone was gone he slowly stepped out of the building, bringing Mjolnir with him and letting the broken doors slide shut - it would be someone else's problem now. Once outside he took one look at the stars and flew off in the direction of Alaska.

* * *

Since Thor had no idea where Alaska was it took him three days of flying through Canadian wilderness before he finally gave up and asked Heimdall to open the Bifrost and send him to a location within one hundred feet of Jane.

When he landed he found his girlfriend inside of a tent, buried under a pile of sleeping bags and coats. In a tent nearby Darcy was snoring loudly and in another tent there was a guide, snoring as well. Thor gently shook Jane awake and she stared at him sleepily.

"Thor?" She asked in confusion.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" He grinned, handing her a slightly squished box of chocolates. The box was half empty, not because Thor had eaten them, but because he'd given some to a strange, hairy man he'd met wandering around the Canadian wilderness. The man had declared that he was on his way to some school for gifted youngsters, but hadn't eaten in a week. Thor had given him half the chocolates (he would have given him the whole box, but the hairy man ran off after a handful of the sweets, claiming he had to go before a sabretooth tiger could find him).

"Valentine's Day? Wasn't that, like, three days ago?"

"Yes, I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner."

Jane grabbed some of the chocolates and then kissed Thor on the cheek.

"That's okay," She grinned sheepishly, "I kind of forgot about it."


	23. Hallmark

"Come brother! We've much shopping to do!"

The loud voice echoed through the tiny card shop and made everything on the shelves rattle in an unsettling way. As Thor entered the store he dragged his unwilling brother behind him. They were both "incognito", which meant Thor was wearing a hoodie and jeans and Loki was wearing a Yankees cap, a false mustache, and jeans.

The moment they stepped in the quiet, near empty store the cashier put down the cloth she'd been using for dusting and smiled at them politely. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously for a moment when she noticed Thor's hood pulled up almost over his face - in the middle of a heatwave - but she only continued to smile. She smiled so much, in fact, that it looked rather forced and she wouldn't look either of them in the eye.

"Hello! Welcome to Hallmark, what can-"

"Greetings! How are you today?"

"Good. What can I - err - how are you doing?"

"Wonderfully!"

"I _loathe_ the mall."

"Uh… haha, yeah," She awkwardly tucked her hands in the pockets of her black apron, "Right. What can I help you find today?"

At the same time Loki rudely sneered "just looking, peasant", Thor happily declared "we've many cards to find and would be glad of your help".

"Oh, okay. What kind of cards are you looking for?" Her forced smile returned and she set the spray bottle of cleaner down on a counter.

"I have a list here somewhere," Thor began searching through the pockets of his jacket and even checked inside his shoes before Loki pulled a crumpled list out from his own pocket and handed it to the sales attendant. She didn't seem like she'd been expecting him to hand it to her so it took her a moment to catch on and when she did her eyes widened at the scrawled writing.

"Uh… I don't… is this… um," She handed him back the list, "I'm really sorry, I don't know this language."

"It's not a different language. It's _his_ handwriting," Loki elbowed Thor, "She says she can't read your awful handwriting."

Thor stopped looking for the list when Loki held it under his nose.

"That's alright, I can read it at least," The crown prince looked slightly offended, but returned the girl's polite smile anyway, "First on the list, we need a one hundredth birthday card. Do you have those?"

"We have a few," The girl replied sadly, "Corporate hasn't sent us as many as we'd like."

She led them to the section and, sure enough, there were only two choices. However, one of those choices was red, white, and blue and covered in depictions of fireworks. Thor eagerly snatched it up without bothering to read it. He grinned.

"That is perfect. Captain Rogers will love it!"

"So he's turning one hundred, huh? That's pretty exciting. Are you going to have a party?"

"Perhaps. If he lets us. He is quite selfless and doesn't like to focus on himself."

"Sounds like a humble guy."

"Oh yes," Loki scoffed with a roll of his eyes, "And honest, and kind, and patriotic."

The girl didn't seem to know how to respond to that so she just smiled some more and asked what was next on the list.

"A graduation card from the highest of schools."

"So from college or high school?"

"I just said, 'the highest of schools', what do you think?"

"Well, I'm not sure if you mean high school or if you mean college, like an advanced degree or something, because that's the highest level of school you can get."

"I am not sure," Thor looked more closely at his list, "It does not say. Have you any idea, brother?"

Loki crossed his arms and shrugged.

"Okay, well, we do have some general graduation cards and congratulatory cards so maybe one of those would be good."

"That will work splendidly, I am sure."

As the young woman showed Thor the graduation cards and looked through almost every single one with him, Loki wandered over to the nearby musical cards. When he opened one he jumped and hastily closed it as "Happy" by Pharrell Williams blared loudly. He glanced back to where his brother was and smirked. Taking out one of every musical card he could find, Loki set them all on the floor. Then, with a flick of his wrist they all opened simultaneously and filled the store with a wretched noise.

An elderly lady had just been entering when the noise frightened her and she hobbled away much faster than any old lady before her.

"Aaah!" The sales attendant yelped, dropping the card she and Thor had been looking at. She nervously looked over to where Loki was pretending to conduct the cards and tried to think of a nice way to tell him to cut it out.

"Brother! Stop that this instant!"

"Why should I?"

"Um, sir, could you please not do that, please?" The girl asked, barely audible over the cacophony of cards.

"I don't see why I should stop. Maybe I'm looking for a card and this is just how I search," He smirked, false mustache twitching, "The customer is always right, correct?"

A deep hatred filled the girl's eyes despite the polite smile on her face and Loki noticed her hands twitch as if she'd very much like to wrap them around his throat and squeeze. He gave an uncaring laugh and put all the cards away - in the wrong spots, of course.

"Thank you." She went back to looking at cards with Thor.

Loki moved on to look at the gift items the store had to offer. He thought the so called "Precious Moments" figurines had the look of ghost children and the most terrifying black eyes he'd ever seen. He moved on to the "Willow Tree" figurines and was even more alarmed to see these. They had no faces. Sure, their bodies were posed in happy and loving stances, but their lack of facial features almost made him gag. So, he did what he assumed the manufacturers had forgotten to and drew smiley faces on all of them with a permanent marker.

Pleased with his handy work, he moved on to look at the candy by the register. He was slightly shocked to see no one at the register, but then again there was no one in the store really. He supposed the single sales attendant must be sufficient to both cashier and show everyone around the store.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" He knew that she was much too young to be called "ma'am", but he still said it just to watch her wince, "Are you the only one here?"

"Oh, sorry! Were you ready to check out?"

"No, just curious."

"My manager is in the back doing… manager-y things," She told him, "Was there something you needed help with?"

"No, no, keep helping him with his cards. Norns, are you still looking for graduation?"

"We have moved on to Bat Mitzvah." Thor declared.

"Who in the nine realms do you know that is having a Bat Mitzvah?"

"A young girl that I saved from a burning building invited me to hers and I thought it would be nice to bring her a card."

Loki shrugged and went back to looking at the candy. There was nothing of much interest there so he looked at the coloring books instead. He colored through a few pages before getting bored and putting it back on the shelf. Then he found himself in the children's section of gift items and was intrigued by a display titled "Itty Bitties".

The Itty Bitties were small plushes made to look like various movie and television characters. Loki recognized a few, but most were unfamiliar to him. Just as he was about to leave the display, a green and purple plush caught his eye. Upon further inspection, he discovered it was a little Hulk. Next to the tiny Hulk was a tiny Iron Man. There was a plush of each of the Avengers. Quickly grabbing one of each, Loki made his way to the counter and slammed his fist upon it.

"I'll be right back," The cashier apologized to Thor. She came scurrying out of one of the aisles and, when she spotted him, frowned and then pasted her grin back on her face, "Hello, did you find what you were looking for today?"

"I wasn't looking for anything. But I have indeed found something of interest."

"That's good," She murmured, ringing all of the plushes up, "Do you happen to have an Itty Bitty punch card or would you like to start one today?"

"I do not have one. Why would I want one?"

"Uh, well, it's basically if you buy eight of these then you get five dollars off your next purchase of fifteen dollars of more," She pulled a small yellow punch card out of a rubberbanded stack of them and showed him, "Wanna start one?"

"Fine."

She looked surprised, but pulled out a stamp nonetheless and used it six times on the card. Handing him the paper when she was done with it, she bagged the Itty Bitties and then tapped the screen on her register.

"Okay, and do you have a -"

"What's the total?"

"Erm, forty-four dollars and twenty-two cents. Do you or someone you know have a Hallmark Gold Crown Card?"

"Thor!" Loki bellowed, "Do we have a Hallmark Gold Crown Card?"

"I do not even know what that means!"

"No, we don't."

"Okay then, like I said, your total is-"

"But perhaps Jennifer does."

"Okay, I can look it up by a phone number."

"Blast," Loki turned to holler again, "Thor! What is Jennifer's phone number?"

Once the phone number was figured out and entered into the machine the cashier frowned and shook her head.

"Looks like we don't have it under that number. Is there another number it might be under?"

"She has no other number."

"Alright. Your total is-"

"Do you think Tony has one?" Loki asked Thor.

"You could try it." Thor poked his head out of the aisle and recited another phone number. The cashier typed it in.

"Well? Is he?" Loki tapped his foot impatiently.

"Uh… sorry, the computer is really slow today. And pretty much every day. Oh, here we go. Tony, you said?"

"Yes."

"Wow, Tony Stark? You know Tony Stark? That must be cool."

"It's not so much 'cool' as it is annoying."

"Have you ever been to Avengers Tower?"

"I live there."

"Really? That's so cool! Have you met any of the other Avengers?"

"Are you deaf or stupid? I was literally just calling his name."

"Wha- oh. Oh wow," She gave her first real smile since the Asgardians had entered the store, "Thor is in Hallmark."

"Yes, and his brother would much appreciate it if you hurried this transaction along."

"His brother... oh, oh!" Her eyes widened and she quickly looked down and hit the "total" button on her register. Loki couldn't help but chuckle darkly as he pulled out the credit card he'd swiped from Stark. He inserted the chip into the machine and waited. Nothing happened.

"Um, eh, sometimes," The cashier gestured to the machine, "Sometimes you have to - could you take it out for a second and put it back in? It didn't take."

Loki sighed and did as she asked. When it didn't take a second time she reached over and pushed the card in farther and like magic it began working. After another few awkward moments the girl cleared her throat.

"If you could just hit 'yes' on the screen there?"

Loki glanced down at the screen and saw that it was waiting for an answer from him. He tapped the green button on the screen, but it didn't go. So he grabbed the stylus and tried again. It still didn't go. He glared at the young woman and she reached over and hit the button herself.

"I think you were hitting it a little too high on the screen…"

"I don't bloody well care." He snarled and she quickly looked back to her screen.

"It's going to have you sign."

"Sign what?"

"Your signature on the screen. To approve the transaction."

"Why?"

"For anything over a certain amount you need to sign so the credit card company knows it's you. Or something. I don't really know. Our machine is kinda fickle sometimes. Once I had a lady who didn't have to sign for a twenty dollar purchase but someone who did for a dollar and five cents. It's kinda-"

"Whatever," He picked up the stylus and planned to forge Stark's signature. However, when he began to sign, the stylus didn't seem to be working.

"Oh sorry, the pen doesn't always work on that machine, um, you could-"

"I've almost got it!" He snapped. In truth he'd only gotten one squiggle on the screen.

"You could try your finger. Sometimes that works better."

"Fine!" He roared and Thor poked his head out of an aisle and watched to make sure Loki wouldn't do anything stupid.

Using his finger to sign any name he could think of, he hit the "accept" button with great triumph. The girl looked relieved until she checked her screen again and frowned worriedly.

"Oooh, sorry. It timed out. Could you please try your signature again. I'm sorry."

Loki slowly looked down at her and clenched his fists. His false mustache fell off and he didn't bother to pick it up.

"If this is your way of getting back at me for my attempt at ruling your world then you will suffer for it, child."

"No, no! I swear! Our machines are just really bad. I think they're probably hand-me-downs from another store. Maybe a store in North Carolina, we got a lot of their stuff when they closed. In fact, this machine used to not work at all and we had to-"

"Shut up!" He roared and then used his finger to sign a name once more. However, he wasn't looking and he accidentally hit "cancel". When he looked back up at the girl there was not fear, like he'd been expecting, but merely annoyance. She took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, sir, you hit 'cancel', we're going to have to start all over again."

"_What?!_"

"Sorry. Okay, what was that phone number again?"

"Brother, why don't you go wait on the bench outside. I will finish here," Thor grabbed his brother's arm and all but threw him out of the store. Then, with a charming smile, "He's in a foul mood today. He hates it when I take him with me to the mall."

"Hey, I'm sure my little brothers would react the same way."

"Really?"

"No," She smiled again, "But if I could have that phone number again real fast?"

* * *

When Thor exited the little store, he had a bag full of plushies and cards. Loki scowled fiercely and rose from the bench he'd been sitting on.

"Did you get everything?"

"Yes. And I even got _two _Father's Day cards. That way you can send one to Father as well."

"I don't want to send Odin a Father's Day card. He's not my father!"

"I know, but they had one that I think will work."

"Oh really? Does it say 'to the man who stole me away from my home realm and brought me up as his son, telling me I'd one day be a king, when really he hates me and I hate him'?"

"No. It says 'though we have our differences, you'll always mean something to me, happy Father's Day'." Thor read, pulling the card out of the bag.

"Oh yes, he'll definitely mean _something_ to me." Loki rolled his eyes.

"I got him one that says 'World's Greatest Farter - I mean Father'. I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I'm sure he'll like it."

* * *

The cashier in Hallmark watched the two Asgardians go and rolled her eyes at their antics. She'd been in the store since opening that morning and was just about done for the day. Not even alien warlords were going to get to her at this point.

After she watched them walk away she decided to finish her dusting. When she got to the Willow Tree figurines she dropped her spray bottle on the floor in surprise. She briefly wondered if she could pretend not to notice it and let the night shift people deal with it. However, she knew the night shift people already weren't exactly her biggest fans so she grabbed the orange pad of "damage report" slips and began filling them out.

When she got to the portion of the slip that asked what was wrong with the damaged item, she burst out laughing and simply drew a giant smiley face.

"If I never see another Asgardian again it will be too soon."

**A/N: I apologize if this wasn't funny to anyone but me. You see, I work at a Hallmark store. The sales attendant in this story was meant to be me. I'm not sure if this will be really boring to you, but I had so much fun writing it and I'm still giggling. The part where Loki can't figure out the credit card machine... yeah, that happens all the time because our machine is really crappy and is indeed a hand-me-down (though I don't know if it's from a store in North Carolina or not). There are so many instances when people can't get the stylus to work and I end up telling them to use their finger. There was one lady who kept trying to sign it with the pen, but it took her so long that the machine kept timing out so she had to do it, like, five times. **

**It makes me very happy to imagine Thor and Loki putting up with our slow machinery and my pasted on smile. **

**Anyway, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed my story/work rant. I certainly did. Not sure when I'll do another one, but I'm considering doing one where they go to a car wash. The only problem is that I don't get to go to the carwash very often so I'm not very wise about them (on Mother's day my dad took us all to one after church to get the car cleaned for my mom and I had so much fun watching the soap and the scrubby things, I'm telling you, it was better than a roller coaster... not that I've ever been on a roller coaster, but I'm sure it was).**

**As always your suggestions are welcome as well as any feedback, good or bad. Thank you! :)**


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